What is the typical progression of physical intimacy in American dating culture?

10 comments

1. Everybody is different, but generally people on dating apps are trying to be intimate fairly quickly. An old rule of thumb was three dates but its pretty outdated.

2. Like any physical contact? Yeah that’s very normal.

   Physical intimacy depends on the person, I certainly don’t until the 4th or 5th date, but some people do it on the first.

   The not respond to texting and ghosting is more of a red flag than physical contact tbh.

3. I’m not sure what you mean by “physical touch,” since that could be anything from a friendly handshake to sex.

   It’s funny. Half the time, people asking questions on this sub think Americans are prudes, and the other half think the opposite. The reality is that this is going to vary widely from person to person, but I’d wager most young people on dating apps are likely interested in sex sooner rather than later.

4. Can’t speak for anybody by myself but a general progression is no or very limited physical contact on a first date, some on the second date, hook up on the third date.

   But those youngsters and their Tinders they often hook up on the first date I think. And maybe to them a serious relationship means getting seriously physical. Sex in casual relationships is pretty common in America outside of a few conservative religious sects.

   I would say that having sex is something that often comes before the “what are we/are we getting serious/are we exclusive” discussion when dating.

5. First, there is no standard. Every person and couple is different.

   Looking at your post in another sub, you are talking about hugging and holding hands, not kissing or sex?

   If my date pulled away from a hug on the second date, that would be a huge red flag.

6. Just curious because I don’t use a dating app but does your bio say anything about your expectations in a relationship? IE “looking to take things slow to start” or “not looking for anything physical immediately” or something like that? Would weed out a lot of those guys looking to get lucky on a first date.

7. Depends on the individual. Im more traditional. Friends first. Then we can date, exclusively. After a month, hand hokding, hugging, two kisses. Move in after engaged, no sex until after marriage. Would be a nightmare for some.

8. It’s not possible to give a general answer to this question. There are many different subcultures in the US with vastly different ideas about intimacy and dating, and of course individuals have their own personal opinions on the matter. There are people who are willing to get intimate on a first date, people who think all physical intimacy should wait for marriage, and people who are somewhere in between those two extremes.

9. If you’re in a big city (>500,000 people) and she’s into you it’s usually sex on the first date.

10. Regarding exclusivity: if you’re on dating apps, the expectation is that you’re seeing/talking to multiple people at once to see who clicks. This also may be why he wasn’t texting you as much as you like. To use my own experience, sometimes I had up to 10 conversations going with different guys. It can be overwhelming to maintain that many texts, so I’d pick and choose who to respond to that day based on how interesting the conversation was. People are busy. People are only willing to give so much of their time and attention to someone they just met. Personally, I’d be annoyed if someone I went on one date with demanded that I text them frequently. This may be what happened in your case, especially if you indicated you weren’t physically attracted to him by refusing to hug him. Hugging isn’t a huge intimate act in our culture. Some people hug strangers as a greeting.

    The type of person who will only date one person at a time and won’t touch you at all will likely belong to an ultra-religious group, so try them out I guess.