Is my girlfriend (24f) gaslighting me (27m)?

9 comments

1. You already know this is unacceptable and unhealthy behavior on her part. Tracking your IG? That takes effort. It is perfectly reasonable for you to IG friend other people including people of the opposite sex. This is manipulative of her, and if you go deeper into the relationship without addressing this, you will soon find yourself without any friends and trapped entirely by her.

2. This is not a healthy relationship. She looks for problems that don’t exist and then punishes you for them. You can’t seriously see a future with her.

3. Honestly, this is crazy, on multiple levels.

   I can understand if you’re all over the place constantly trying to sneak into thirst trap DM’s or constantly liking their photos, but this seems like a specific scenario. Nvm it’s something she’s done as well.

   I hate throwing around the word abusive, but that’s what this feels like. Kicking you out for a week over this, and making you feel like you’ve cheated, all while she ends up doing the SAME thing. Then pretends it’s not that big of a deal when she does it. You need to run, as fast as you can. I can’t imagine that it will ever be possible to have a “normal” or healthy relationship with this woman. Not as she currently is, and if she’s ever going to change as a person, it’s probably going to have to be off the back of this failed relationship. That’s not even guarantee that she will change. Either way, my point is, you need to start working on an exit strategy, for real.

   This doesn’t seem like a “typical” fixable issue with therapy IMO, assuming she’s even willing to go. Okay, obviously anything is “fixable” but the way you described her, she’s either delusional, or purposefully doing this to exert control over you. I just can’t imagine this is something that is easily fixable. This is going to take immense effort and time on HER part to fix.

4. You’re in a hypocritical garbage relationship. Every day you stay is another day wasted.

5. Let’s take a step back and look at this situation with some no-nonsense clarity.

   First and foremost, your approach to your professional life is mature and considerate. You understand the importance of networking and maintaining professional relationships, which is a sign of your maturity. But when it comes to your girlfriend’s reaction to your social media interactions, there’s a serious imbalance.

   The fact that you had to move out for a week over something as trivial as liking a couple of non-provocative pictures on Instagram is troubling. This action alone sends a significant message. It says that you’re willing to go to extreme lengths to appease her, even when her accusations are baseless and her standards are double. You can’t change her behavior, but you can change how you respond to it. When she makes these wildly inaccurate and inappropriate accusations, putting you on the defensive and forcing you to explain yourself, what message are you sending? Are you enabling her behavior?

   Here’s the deal: you’re being gaslit. When someone makes you question your own actions and sanity over something so trivial, that’s a classic sign of gaslighting. It’s essential to recognize that you deserve to be in a relationship where there is mutual trust and respect.

   Now, let’s talk about respect and understanding in a relationship. If she’s not treating you well, remember, others will. You’ve been beyond accommodating, and it’s time to ask yourself if this relationship is serving your best interests. A healthy relationship involves both partners treating each other with respect, not one where you’re constantly walking on eggshells.

   The issue of your girlfriend getting upset when you call out her hypocrisy is a classic case of deflection. When she focuses on the fact that you called her a hypocrite, instead of addressing the actual issue at hand, she’s diverting attention away from her contradictory behavior. This tactic avoids dealing with the core problem – the double standards she’s applying in your relationship.

6. That your partner is so insecure as to demand you never like anyone’s pics, that’s super controlling and a huge red flag. She has been manipulating you with all sorts of tactics, it sounds like. Sending you feminist videos to shame you for your actions, being an absolute hypocrite while liking other men’s pics, not letting you open communication on this because it’s “negative.” She name calls you, she attacks you but gives you no room to stand up for yourself, her emotions are “chaotic” and unstable, etc. I’m guessing there’s a whole list of issues going on which hasn’t been addressed in this post.

   You need to start doing some heavy self reflecting. Ask yourself: What does this person actually bring to your life? Sex is not a valid reason to keep yourself in an oppressive and verbally abusive relationship.

7. Your gf is acting immaturely but I feel like the comments on your post are blowing it out of proportion. It sounds like she has a hard time taking accountability and that is something she can work on. if its a pattern of double standards in the relationship, that is something you both need to discuss so the relationship becomes more fair for you. I think its solvable with proper communication!

   Give it time. If you feel that despite your efforts and more communication, her self-awareness is still not improving, then you can question the potential of growth for this relationship.

   By the way, she is deflecting and not taking responsibility, but this is not actual gaslighting. Gaslighting is a dangerous abusive psychological tactic that is much more complex.

   PS: her asking you to move out is disproportionate and hurtful. Where did you go?

8. She sounds jealous and controlling. Tracking everything you’re doing and telling you who can follow and can’t follow is extremely unhealthy. You have to trust each other yo have a healthy relationship and she clearly doesn’t trust you

9. You’re experiencing psychological manipulation