Copied question from over at r/women, thought I’d ask my fellow men!

44 comments

  4. I didnt realize just how well off my family was.

    I had never had to worry about anything, so jumping into a world where money was scarce was quite the wake up call.

  5. Being taught as a boy to be nice to girls when being a nice guy gets you nowhere with women.

  7. Nothing stays the same. Your favourite stores close, favourite foods get discontinued, favourite people move away. Got to really savour good things while they are around because they don’t last.

  9. Raised by mother and big sister. Was a ‘nice guy’ that thought getting kissed was a reward to be earned instead of something they liked too. That gets you bottom tier girls only.

    Guys, your sons need you!

  11. How seriously people take you as an adult!

    Especially as a young adult this was a huge surprise. Opinions and beliefs that would get me ridiculed as a child were suddenly respected as an adult. Behaviour that was een as rebellious or irresponsible as a teenager was suddenly perfectly OK as an adult.

    It really was a huge surprise. Like a switch had flipped in society, and now that I had reached a magical number in age I was suddenly a valid human being whose feelings and opinions mattered.

    I still don’t quite get it, even though I’ve gotten used to it by now.

  13. As a teenager I thought I learned about what changes I was facing: a growth spurt, deeper voice, adam’s apple, and armpit hair, pubic hair, leg hair, facial hair. But absolutely no where was it mentioned that I’d get a hairy ass! Oh and don’t get me started on toe hair…

  17. Stop drop and roll was an unnecessary investment of my time.

    In 39 years I’ve yet to catch on fire.

  18. As a kid I always thought adults spoke about vital, important and super-serious things during family meetings, christmas dinner, etc.

  23. How lonely it feels to be a man even if you’re married. I don’t mean that your partner is ignoring you. I mean that you have a tremendous weight on your shoulders, and that is something that most people cannot understand because they’re not in the same position as you are, this intern leads to a feeling of isolation, which leads to more loneliness.

    And finally, the worst is that no one really cares either. men don’t care because they’re going through their own struggles, and they also feel alone and women don’t want to hear about a man who is struggling because that’s just not attractive and you’ll be seen as someone who doesn’t have their shit together

  24. Something happens when you go from 12 years old to 18 years old where people suddenly stop caring about you.

  25. How different you’re treated when you’re a short versus normal height…

    Context: I was 4’11 when i was 15 and i thought being invisible by the girls was normal, i had a growth spurt when i became 16 and now i’m 5’9 and suddenly there were girls noticing me, smiling at me, being more interested in me… Guys basically treated me the same as before, but the girls treated me so much better lol, i can’t even imagine if i had become actually tall

  26. That your not special, your expendable and no one gives a crap about you. Which to me was a giant weight off my shoulder. Go do what you want!

  27. All of a sudden, and with no warning, everyone stopped giving a shit if I cried, got hurt, was left out, or felt scared. Later, I learned that depending on how quickly you grow, it starts between 8 or 12. And from there you go through your life discovering all the other ways everyone is entirely apathetic to you as a man. It’ll still shock me from time to time how little people care while also demanding that I be amazingly empathetic and observant of those around me.

  28. how much more fun I’m having as a grown up than when I was stuck being a kid. I grew up in a very, very rural area and there wasn’t much for kids to do but vandalize shit like old buildings and drink and cause more trouble. As an adult I own toys now I have a computer, games, I get to travel and see sites I had only read about. I visit museums and concerts and try different styles of food at restaurants with menus from everywhere like The Gold Coast or Philippine to Italian and Columbian, it’s all at my fingertips because I got out of that small nowhere town I grew up in. When I was a kid I spent time in school then spent time working 2nd shift in a factory from 4-midnight, come home sleep and go back to school. Now I work 3 12 hour shifts and the rets of the time is play time for me. I love being an adult.

  29. Your actions have more consequences, no one to protect you like when you were a kid. But on the other hand you can change life more than anytime before for better or worse.

  30. That you are still a little boy inside.

    Nothing really changes except everything around you and you’re kind of forced to act differently cos others see you as an adult now.

  31. Men aren’t loved or made to feel special in society.

    Weird coming from being a young boy who had parents and teachers tell him he was bright and special to the minute I became an adult learning that no one will really care about you unless you’re adding something to their lives.

    Dont get me wrong I have no false illusions that we are “special” over one another. But, it was weird going from that to “don’t show vulnerability or people think less of you” or “if you aren’t providing support and are the one in need of support you become baggage and aren’t needed anymore”

  32. Money. That was the biggest shock. For most of my childhood, money was kind of an abstract concept to me. I understood that some things are more expensive than others but I didn’t really consider it that big of an obstacle until I got my first job at 16. Wtf. Dinner for two at a decent restaurant is $47.95??? What the actual fuck?? How the fuck do I survive?

    Of course, I managed, but not until after seeing my bank account balance drop to zero more than enough times.

  33. – The amount of time that goes by without physical affection. That can be a hug or just an affectionate touch on the arm. Never knew affection would become rare.

    – How much it sucks being seen mainly for your utility over your character.

    – Following women’s advice for dating just gets you in the friend zone.

    – How much you’re on your own.

    – How much people don’t care if you’re having a rough time mentally or emotionally.

  34. Love won’t just come knocking. When I was a kid, I was shy, and people always told me I would grow out of it. So I thought eventually love would find me. Here I am at 29, and I never had a serious girlfriend. There are a lot of reasons for it. Being shy being one of them.

  36. That my insecurities and character defects are the same as an adult that they were when I was a child.

  37. How men are sometimes taken more seriously than women for no particular reason (other than misogyny I guess). I study medicine and sometimes have patients ask me questions while I am standing next to a female doctor I am following who’s an order of magnitudes more competent than I am. It appears as if they assume I’d know better.

  38. That no one gives sh*t about you
    Everything is your fault.
    Mistakes can only be made if used against you forever
    Your only valued on what you got or can provide, not on who you are as a man. .

    Do I need to continue? Or do you get the point?

  39. There will come a point where everyone will stop caring about why you’re crying or upset and just tell you to “man up”.

  42. There was a moment during puberty that older women (teachers etc.) stopped looking at me as cute. Instead was replaced by a look that I didn’t understand. Treating me like I had wronged them.

    Gradually they started becoming more snappy and passive aggressive to the point a few female teachers openly said to the whole class “you know what boys are like be careful out there girls.” And gave a nasty sneer in the direction of most of the men.

    Took me a while to realise they were being sexist. We were never taught what sexism looks like towards men only women.

  44. There are negatives, but to highlight a pro:

    If your parents were less than ideal, becoming an independent adult is a godsend. You no longer have to emotionally navigate your place of rest and you gain 100% autonomy of your time (until/if you start a family).

    Also, while many here disagree, I find adulting to be relatively easy compared to high school/college. Life is VERY affordable as a single dude on even a median income. You just need to maintain financial/physical disclipline. You have way more free time to enjoy/grow, but most people overindulge and create their own problems.

    The caveat is that having a family (meaning kids, a spouse/SO barely changed things) makes things 1000x harder. You lose your autonomy and the responsibility is tenfold. This is also where you feel a financial crunch. I make good money and stopped at one kid. It blows my mind seeing dudes making sub $25/hr having 2-3 kids.

    Your dick will destroy your happiness if you let it.

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