Hey Reddit, throw away as my bf has my main, half edited as i gave up
I’m reaching out because I’m in a bit of a weird spot and could use some advice. Me (24F) and my boyfriend (31M) have been together for three years, and up until recently, everything was cruising along just fine. But then, we had this argument the other night over something so stupid i can’t even believe im writing this
We had this ugly old ornament, it wasn’t anything fancy, just this piece that meant nothing to me. I accidentally broke it, and I thought, no biggie, accidents happen, ya know? Well, he didn’t see it that way. he flipped, like, full-on explosion of anger that I never saw coming. It was so out of character, and the whole thing ended with him storming out, leaving me standing there like, what the heck just happened? I don’t think it meant anything to him, its like a 3 dollar duck that we got as a gift? Not from anyone important, just a friend whos still alive and still friends with him
Now, here’s where it gets weirder. Since then, he’s been hanging out with friends more, or so he says. The issue with this is I don’t know these friends, he’s being super vague about who they are and where they hang out. Feels like he’s intentionally keeping me out of that loop. I don’t know any names apart from Peter and apparently Bill? (fake names but similar)
All this drama has me feeling disconnected and worried. I love the guy, but the thought of him doing something shady never crossed my mind until now. I want to believe this argument was a one-off, but his ongoing behaviour is making it hard to trust that explanation.
So, Reddit, am I being overly paranoid, or are these concerns actually legit?? How should I tackle this mess? Your advice and insights would be amazing rn!
TLDR: Broke a cheap ornament, BF exploded in anger, now he’s secretive about hanging out with friends. Feeling disconnected and worried. Wondering if concerns are valid and seeking advice.
5 comments
Well when someone is showing their true color like fly into a rage after a small mistake, then you wouldn’t be overly paranoid.
You ever wonder why a 28 year old got with a 21 year old?
It sounds like something weird might be going on. You have been together for 3 years, its ok to ask him what is going or whether something is bothering him etc?
It might not have anything to do with you.
The age gap could also be a factor in what’s going on. Even though the current gap is manageable, dating someone 7 years older as a 21 year old is a pretty big difference in life experiences.
Something isn’t passing the sniff test here and is giving me flashbacks to one of my exes. This is a classic example of displaced anger – being displaced on something entirely unimportant as an attempt to cover something he feels guilty/bad/responsible for.
Yes, you’re right to be concerned. If this little ornament is truly nothing sentimental/big importance behind it, then see this for what it is, combined with his own actions: he’s hiding something from you, and this was an emotional outlet to displace what he’s been hiding.
Do some digging. My first reaction is he’s cheating. Maybe it’s not that, maybe these friends are into drugs or shady shit and they’re pulling him in. But something isn’t right in dodge.
Maybe he’s trying to start fights as a way out. Maybe he met someone else and is hanging out with them now.