Hi there,
Back in the summer, I went on bumble bff so I can make deep connections as I don’t have any good friends as well as meet like minded people. I met a girl of bumble bff a couple months ago (7months). We’ve seen eachother a couple times a month since then and I’ve slept at her house many times since we’ve met.
She’s a sweet person, we laugh and go out dancing together but I noticed some things that cause me to wonder if I see things long term:
1) I feel I’m not connecting with her on deep emotional things. All we talk about really is food, men, and shows/YouTube. I don’t feel like I’m getting to know who she is deeply and don’t feel comfortable fully sharing my emotional depth with her as when I open up a bit, I don’t get a curious response. We also have trouble making eye contact a lot.
2) when I’ve tried to open up to her about things that were important to me (health goals), I didn’t really get the vibe that she truly understood me. She just kind of said “yeah that makes sense”, and we moved on.
3) Because I care deeply about my health and wellness, I’d ideally like to surround myself with people that are the same. She does prioritize exercise, some healthy eating but not much else. When I woke up and went on my phone one day she had told me that she was happy someone was finally not giving a shit about going on phones in the morning for “better health”. I played along but deep down it’s something I’m actively trying to fix and strongly believe it impacts your health.
I want to talk to her today about how I feel I’m not connecting with her and see if things change OR if I should just cut it off. At the same time, I don’t want to make her feel bad about herself.
What should I do?
TL;DR: feel like I’m not connecting with a new friend I’ve made off of bumble bff 7 months ago. Crossed if I should let her know my concerns and see if things change or cut it off?
1 comment
I feel your expectations are really high for just a friend.
When it comes to romantic relationships, it makes sense to have really high expectations and to want your partner to meet as many as your needs as possible. You are only able to have one romantic partner – so you need as close a match as possible.
Friendships don’t work that way. You can (and should!) have several friends. So – great! She’s the dancing friend. We all need one of those. Now go back on bumble BFF and find the healthy friend. That healthy person might not be into dancing but that’s cool because you have dancing friend. You can also go back and get a 3rd who is intellectual/philosophical friend. That person might not be healthy or want to go dancing – but that’s ok, you have the other 2 friends to fulfill those needs.
As long as you enjoy her company for the parts that she does bring to the table and she’s an overall good person, that’s good enough to me!
I have a number of friends who I’ve been friends with for 25+ years. But I’ll tell you – if I had to see eye to eye with them on *everything* – none of them would be my friends. I see eye to eye with them on a number of things and just let them be them (and maybe roll my eyes a little) on the other things. But I love them, and they are good people, and they would be there for me in a heartbeat if I ever needed them – as I would be for them (even if they are a little weird in some areas, and I’m sure they feel the same about me).