What would you think if an attractive women nearing 30 tells you she never been intimate with anyone?

30 comments

1. “Cool, those are rare these days.”

2. I would think I need more context.

3. I might get to boldly go where no man has gone before

4. I’d be a little skeptical, honestly. Horniness has led humans to wage war and betray their most deeply-held loyalties, and you’re telling me that you’ve never let a guy run his hand up your skirt? Ever?! At 30? Why?

5. Hey, me too!

6. Happened to me once. I had a friend a handful of years ago who was an attractive, non-religious, 30-year-old woman who confided in me that she was a virgin, and she was very insecure and self-conscious about it because she thought it would be a red flag for guys she might be interested in dating.

   And she wanted me to, ahem, help her with that.

   It’s not that I didn’t want to. I absolutely *did* want to. Like I said, she was attractive. But I just couldn’t do it, because it was just too weird. I couldn’t get over my own stupid hangups about it.

   Which basically confirmed and reinforced all her fears and insecurities about it, which ended up costing us our friendship.

   I still feel bad about it. I should have fucked her brains out. I mean, I *wanted* to, but I couldn’t, because I couldn’t see past the silly bullshit inside my own head. And that really hurt her, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling bad about it.

7. Hmm, I wouldn’t really think anything about it, beyond “huh”. Not much to conclude really, some people are religious, are asexual, have physical/mental health issues, haven’t met someone they feel comfortable with, are just socially awkward/shy, have reservations about sex due to upbringing or traumatic experiences, are lying for whatever reason, or just.. didn’t want to.

   I dunno man, people have all sorta reasons for the things they do/don’t do.

8. I’d probably assume some kind of trauma in her past or that she was super religious/conservative

9. Would ask why. Thats about it

10. There could be a reason to develop a deep respect behind that. But my ex taught me not to trust women so I would also consider it might be a lie.

11. Why would she make that up? I would admire someone with that restraint.

12. This probably means she has really low libido… and I can’t stay married or have a ltr with someone who is okay with having sex once a month forever 🙈

13. Ma’m, this is a Wendy’s

14. Why would you get suspicious? Im a good looking man who’s been approached more times than i can count and im still a virgin, no problems whatsoever only that i wanna live this way, some people are different.

15. I’ve been in situations where the woman in question thought that’s what guys wanted to hear (it isn’t, fyi), but this goes away long before 30.

    If I’m being honest, if she’s 30, my first thought is past sexual trauma. There are other explanations, of course; ASD folks and other people with sensory disorders sometimes have trouble with physical intimacy. There are also religious explanations, and other possible culprits, but these again usually aren’t still persisting at 30 years of age.

    Unless there’s a very strong history between the two of us–and maybe not even then–whatever is the underlying factor behind this, it’s not something that I would probably want to take on. New relationships are complicated enough without extra variables. I can’t foresee myself successfully learning a whole set of therapist-level skills in order to harmoniously navigate a relationship with an issue of this level in play. I don’t mean for that to sound selfish; I know my limitations, and I’m not keen to sign up for a relationship where steps 1-100 involve me fundamentally retooling the way I interact with my partner.

16. Without more details, suspicious. But it depends on the details.

17. I was in this situation before. Good looking, intelligent, charming, not religious, and all around attractive woman. Her claim was that she was focused on school/career her whole life and didn’t prioritize relationships. I thought it was mildly odd, but not a big deal by itself.

    But then I learned she had mega avoidant attachment issues and had difficulty being intimate at all. The relationship went painfully slow for a very long time and ultimately didn’t work out.

    It might work for an extremely patient man, but it doesn’t work for me.

18. “I bet there’s a reason for that.”

19. I would be puzzled as to why she is telling me her personal business.

20. If she’s lying, what’s her agenda?

    If she’s telling the truth, what’s her mental disorder?

21. I dated someone that was 28 and had never had sec before. Raised catholic so she was waiting. Her future husband left her a couple weeks before the wedding. I ran in to her after a number of years about a year and a half after he left her, and we made up for lost time.

    I was never suspicious. She’s a very open and honest person.

22. Star Trek 6: “The Undiscovered Country”

23. I am a woman nearing my 30s who stayed away from physical intimacy due to body image issues.. until I met someone I felt safe and comfortable with.

24. It’s ok to be suspicious but the trends are ever increasing that young men and women are increasingly sexually inactive. Men more than women but both are increasing. It’s not in the realm of improbability but if they are lying that would be a massive deal breaker.

25. Considering I’m almost 29 and never had a serious relationship, I’d ask for her story before making an assessment. I’ve had a pretty turbulent early adulthood, and I just flat out did not have the right combo of time, energy, finances, and confidence to put myself out there. I think I’ve also just flat out been hesitant/afraid of putting myself out there when I still felt like such a work in progress.

    I’m aiming to really work on weight loss and appearance to gain some of that confidence back so I can really give dating a try now. Everyone develops at their own pace, and as a “late bloomer” myself I really can’t in good conscience pass judgement without at least hearing her out and mulling it over.

26. “Best time to start learning a new skill is yesterday. Second best time is now.”

27. I’ve got one better.

    Imagine a 39 year old virgin.

    PhD candidate, me- undergrad but like 37.

    Her father was an American serving in the army and her mother is Italian.

    She was saving herself, despite the foolishness of it, and her realizing better, because of how she was raised.

    She replied to an online dating ad I had. She was the first response. We met for drinks and talked.

    She did have 1 instance of a man rubbing on her, but nothing more.

    Fast forward- the adventure begins. She’s tall, natural, curvy without being overweight. Breasts and hips are off the scales. And an au naturale bush that had never seen a razor. Exquisite!

    I take her virginity. And we commence to sexing and dating. The tragic parts are that while keeping herself sex free for so long she had also never engaged in romance.

    This created challenges. Kissing, for example, was awkward and I had s difficult time correcting. She kissed by retracting her lips and chomping with her teeth. Gnashing. I asked wtf- she was going through the motions of what she saw in movies. That is, how her brain and muscles translated what she saw.

    She also had some serious compulsive issues such that her place was extremely tidy and, no lie, everything was labeled. Hee trash can was labeled. Her toothbrush holder- labeled. I used to joke that her trash was labeled “trash”.

    Then, as our semester was ending, we were sitting intwinned on her couch watching her silly British mystery shows. She belched loudly. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but this was like April and finals and final projects were looming. I was anxious and stressed. So I blew the episode up as a reason for us to split.

    I’m 49 now, and I’ve had a lot of partners since her, heck and before her, but she is my only romantic regret.

28. “Okay, but why are you talking to me? Like, at all?”

29. i wouldnt think it is strange, some people like to wait for that person they feel comfortable with

30. Sounds like you have a personal issue causing you to be suspicious.