I (27f) have been back in the dating scene the last few months. This is the first time I’m looking for a serious relationship on dating apps as most relationships I’ve had were with people I knew (work, school, etc). All my old relationships moved pretty quick. There wasn’t really a “talking” stage and after a date or two we were exclusive.
I’m taking my dating app approach differently and making an effort to slow down and get to know people especially because I do not know them from Adam.
Where I’m struggling is with the idea of dating someone for say a few months before making it exclusive and knowing they are seeing other people. I know seeing other people is a normal thing at the dating stage but this is the first time ever had to cope with this realization. I’ve noticed it causes me a ton of anxiety and I feel super inadequate. Look I know I’m the issue. Completely understand I need to get over it. I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice for managing this kind of feeling.
2 comments
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Straight up, dating apps suck. I (28F) have used them on and off for many years and did meet my ex on Bumble. BUT in general you will have to go through a lot of ghosting/flakiness before meeting sincere people – and even then, it may not work out because they may be dating multiple people and like them better. I would approach dating apps a lot more casually in the sense that you should not get attached to someone you have not met yet or recently met. I made this mistake in my younger, college days where I would chat with someone for weeks without meeting them and be soo into the idea of them that when we finally met it was disappointing because they didn’t look/sound/act the way I pictured. If you can, meet people within 1-2 weeks of chatting and take the initiative with that if they don’t. Usually it’s really easy to tell when someone is into you (they text you daily, initiate dates, etc) – you’ll have to really listen to your gut in those early dates to see if someone is interested in you. You can also straight up ask people what they are looking for and they’ll tell you if it’s something casual or something more serious. I think it’s totally fine to also directly ask after 5+ dates if they are seeing other people. For me personally, I try to only talk to 1-2 people at a time and drop down to 1 person when I really like them after a couple of dates. Obviously not everyone is like that, but I do think it’s obvious when someone is only focused on you and not dating others. Dating apps are just a tool to meet new people and should not be seen as an easy way to find a long-term relationship. You’ll probably chat with a lot of people and go on a lot of dead-end first dates, but it’ll be worth it when you find that one special person that feels the same way about you. Again, don’t take it too seriously at first and just be communicative when you do find someone you think is worth a long-term relationship.