I need advice on how to approach my doctor about this issue. When I told her that I experience pain or, at best, immense discomfort when touching my clitoris and inserting anything into my vagina, she told me to keep practicing and that sexual activities hurt for everyone sometimes. A couple of years ago, I went to physical therapy to help me relax, but I was able to do that with ease. Relaxing just doesn’t alleviate the pain.
I can’t touch my clitoris for more than a few seconds without having the intense urge to pee(Why?). Washing my clitoris is a pain as well, because touching it just hurts (an uncomfortable sort of pain that I honestly struggle to describe). Tampons hurt sometimes, although mostly they are uncomfortable. The two times I tried to have sex, I screamed in pain even though I was extremely wet and used water-based lube. Also, for some reason, water-based lube burns? I would say the vaginal pain is an uncomfortable, “simmering” ache at the best and a sharp, burning one at worst.
I don’t know if this is even a primary sexual issue; maybe it is a secondary sexual issue that has arisen from a different health issue. Maybe it is connected to my mild, thoracic scoliosis? My body overreacts to everything, so maybe I have a high pain sensitivity (I have IBS, PMDD, Raynaud’s, and mild heat urticaria, because my body is stupidly dramatic). As an example of what I mean by being sensitive to pain, I cannot rub my legs more than lightly without jerking and crying out in pain. That can’t be normal right?
I swing between bitterness, rage, and resignation. The pain began when I was 15 and I am now 23. I read erotica almost every night; I am frequently, frustratingly so wet that I have to change my underwear and clean up myself. In the past couple of months, my libido has ramped up so much more too. I’ve had a few instances at my job where I struggle though work at my desk for a for a couple of hours because I feel flushed, hot, and aching to be filled… So, my sexual frustration is leaking into other areas of my life now (even though nobody at work knows/will ever know of course and my performance hasn’t gone downhill, I am still acutely aware that I am spacing off at work because of this).
TLDR: sexually desperate woman rants about clitoral/vaginal pain and asks for advice on how to approach doctor since physical therapy has not worked and issues were pretty much brushed off…
9 comments
Get a new doctor. No medical professional should brush off a patient like this. I had issues swallowing once and my doctor kept brushing it off as GERD so I changed doctors to one who gave a crap and she sent me for a hi res CT scan that discovered a 4cm GIST tumour in my oesophagus. Whipped that sucker out lickedy split. Moral of the story? Find a Dr who cares and listens. 👍
Ask for a referral to a urogynocologist, in my experience they are the best speciality at giving a shit about this type of pain.
You could also ask to see a pelvic floor physical therapist, as they have a lot of experience with this and could probably help you quite a bit.
Fwiw I have vulvodynia and that broad umbrella might include the type of pain you’re having
Have you been tested for candida? A bad infection will cause very similar symptoms to what you described (yes for the clitoris as well)
Try a new doctor that’s willing to work with you
Sounds like hormone issue, I had similar issues after having a surgery that affected one of my ovaries.
My first inclination would be to assume that you maybe have low estrogen. If you haven’t had blood work ran, you need to get a blood panel ran and see what’s up.
You also might see if you can get any topical creams that contain estrogen that you can try for a couple weeks. Some are sold over the counter, If you notice the pain is better or gotten less, then that could be a strong lead in the right direction that you need more estrogens or need to lower your testosterone. The high libido is a sign that testosterone may be too high, which could also result in symptoms of low estrogen despite estrogen levels appearing normal
Can you get a mirror and check out your anatomy? I’m kinda wondering if the clitoral pain is specifically because of a clitoral hood issue (like smegma build up). Can you retract the hood at all?
I second the recommendation to see a different doctor. A lot of ob gyns basically don’t give a shit about painful sex issues beyond recommending more foreplay and lube. The vaginal pain could have a pretty broad range of causes (like vaginismus). I’d maybe hit up /r/vaginismus for recs since I imagine they’ll have a physician list.
Find someone specialized in vulvar diseases and another pt. Check out the vulvodynia reddit and vulvodynia Facebook groups.
Try taking antihistamines, it could be a mast cell issue? Also topical lidocaine gel like Instillagel
Definitely, you need to change doctors if possible. Certainly, it can be hard to do that. There need to be other doctors to go to. In the U.S., one needs money. But you want to flee a doctor whose attitudes are “that’s life” and “there’ll be a happy ending, just give it time”. Besides, you may need a specialist, a gynecologist, and in the U.S., at least, to be allowed to consult a specialist doctor, you need to visit a “primary care physician” and get a referral from them. To accomplish this, you need to seek advice on finding a primary care doctors who are liberal about giving referrals to specialist.
Here’s a suggestion without any evidence to back it up. Try to get referred to specialists who have a reputation for treating endometriosis. Your symptoms don’t sound like endometriosis. But endometriosis is a big issue in women’s health, and a mostly unknown issue. About 1 in 10 women have it, and it’s very painful. It has been ignored, undertreated. What I’m thinking is that doctors who treat it aggressively might also be driven when it comes to other female sexual problems, which also are underresearched and undertreated.
Read [this book](https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/abby-norman/ask-me-about-my-uterus/9781538712719/?lens=bold-type-books). (The author has her [own Website](https://abbynormanwriter.com/), too.)
Here’s another thing you could try: a sex therapist. Let them know that you realize that your pain complaint is not a sex therapy type issue. But a sex therapist should have contacts with local physicians. They might steer you to sympathetic primary care doctors and even come up with possible diagnoses. Actual diagnosis will have to be performed by a physician, or nurse practitioner.