Ive known my girlfriend for years before dating or messing around. We messed around for about a year before making it official. On average we would have sex once or twice a week. Lately she’s been wanting it less and less and avoiding coming over to my place. I’ve definitely asked about it and would just hang out away from my place when she obviously didn’t want to go over but wanted to hangout still. Lately she even sabotaged the time we would spend together away from my place and we ended having a fight. She made lots of points as follows everything in () are my thoughts.
1.She’s Bored
2. She’s Lazy/wants to be alone.
3. Wants what she can’t have.
(Was referring to an ex fuck buddy from before we were even messing around and how she was ok meeting once a week only for sex. Her justification for meeting for sex only while not wanting not have sex with me. Not her still wanting him.)
4. Wants to take a break.
(From what? Spend so little time with each other. The week of the fight only spent about 4hours together all week and No sex in 2-3weeks.)
5. Doesn’t want to be tied down.
(Tied down by what spend so little time with each other . No sex in weeks? Only thing is the relationship/taken status)
She says she doesn’t want to break up, that she doesn’t want to see me with anyone else, and insures me she isn’t cheating and tries to show me phone but I always refuse. I don’t understand how she feels tied down. We don’t live with each other and we spend less and less time together the only thing I can think of she doesn’t want to be labeled as taken. We have no kids together or plans for any ever. Any advice will be greatly appreciated thank you.
Update:
She called and we had a small conversation about this. She’s at work so couldn’t talk for a long time. She basically said she was grumpy because she thought I was grumpy and wanted to pick a fight. She said some of the things she said were true and others not. Didn’t specify what wasn’t true. I told her in one hand your saying very conflicting things that sounds like your interested in someone else. In the other your saying these things that could end our relationship just to pick a fight. She apologized saying she didn’t know it would hurt me this much and she regrets saying anything. We’re going to continue nthe conversation later in person.
Now it feels like she’s playing games. Saying these hurtful things than just saying just kidding. Basically. She knows I’m not one for games. If this would’ve happened early on I would’ve called it quits on the spot. I’m emotionally invested now but we’re still not even at two years.
27 comments
How many ways can this person tell you they don’t want to be with you without actually just telling you they don’t want to be with you? Break it off dude. She doesn’t want a boyfriend, she wants a beard.
Looks like there might be third party involved but can’t be sure. Yet she want’s to keep you as an option in case things will not workout with the third party. But ofcourse it’s worst case scenario.
You are both in your 30’s she should be able to explain what is on her mind and what is this break about. If she is talking some trash or something that doesn’t make sense it should be concerning.
I would never tolerate something like a “break” but it’s me. Have your eyes and ears wide open. If you will get suspicious it’s better to observe and collect your evidence before confrontation because if she is cheating/thinking about it she will most likely deny everything.
Your post is rather confusing but if she told you she wants what she can’t have (her ex) then tell her she can have her break and can consider herself single and look for new GF.
You need a new girlfriend. I’m sorry to tell you but breaks don’t really exist. She wants permission to cheat on you which she already does, but want to keep you as a safe option to marry later on. So basically she is so disrespectful that she would waste your time take you for a chump and f her buddy.
She’s over the relationship but it’s ready to give up the stability. Do the “break”. Both of you go out with other people. Have some fun. Then reevaluate if you want to be together.
Sounds like your girl is actually seeing what she can get away with by using sex as a weapon to manipulate.. this is to have power over the relationship…or she is seeing somebody else (being distant and the sex being non existent)… You are her fallback because you are giving her certainty and she thinks that you are a sure thing and won’t leave her. Girls like this need to be dropped!
Just walk up to her or call her and say we’re done and hang up.
Expect the following:
Blowing up your phone
Repeated phone calls – endless text
“I’m sorry I changed my mind we can have sex”
“Things will be different going forward”
Good luck dude
>3. Wants what she can’t have. (Was referring to an ex fuck buddy from before we were even messing around and how she was ok meeting once a week only for sex.
Seriously, you need to move on and don’t allow her back. Just break it off!
She just wants to string you along. Just make the decision for her and breakup. This isn’t a relationship as is.
Sorry my guy, if she’s listing off reasons and suddenly withholding sex but she’s saying she still wants to “be with you” you’re likely a backup plan. It’s emotionally immature behavior you’d expect from someone 18 not 30. Break free and find someone that will put in the same effort you do!
She wants a break. Give her the break. Don’t wait for her. Move on.
You don’t need the drama.
I think she may be testing how far she can go with you. I say breaks are just a precursor to ending it so you should just end it. Talk to her and tell her she is 30 years old and if she can’t explain what it is she wants then you should just end it. If shebis not testing you, she will explain. If she is, she will be just as confusing as before. Let’s see after your catch up tonight. Good luck OP.
She only said she wants a break because she wants to fuck other people without you being in her business. The fact that she brought up that one ex fuck buddy is enough for you to safely assume that he’s the one she’s been talking to and fucking.
She wants to string you along in case it doesn’t work out with the other guy. She wants to have you there as a backup option. She doesn’t love you. If you stay with her, don’t be surprised that you’re being cheated on or that she leaves you for someone else
> Now it feels like she’s playing games
That’s a Bingo!
She’s 30 years old, this nonsense should have stopped a decade ago.
Act as you see fit.
Man, your 31. In the blink of an eye you will be forty. Do you really want to waist time on someone who wants to screw with you, and play games?
These are called reg flags. This is a moment in time when you pay attention to them and move forward in your life…..without the games, drama and horrible communication.
Bro take the 3619 fucking glaringly obvious hints she’s given you. It’s over, she doesn’t want to be with you.
No.. translation… she could go years without having sex with you because she been busy fking another guy. Leave the relationship. Let her go. Your turn was over.
Give her a permanent break.
Bro just go NC and block her on everything, If she had a set of houses key get them back or change the locks.
She is already cheating or has someone in mind, not worth the trouble or heartache.
53m here. Married but with lots of bad relationship experience prior.
End it with her. Relationships can be difficult….but they shouldn’t be this difficult. “Taking a break” is just the first step to “breaking up.”
The only question should be, “Do you want to be my exclusive active, girlfriend?” If the answer is anything other than a unreserved “YES!” then it is “NO”.
For whatever reasons, she is not feeling it anymore with you. If she was, she wouldn’t be going back and forth about this. She likely is afraid to give up the relationship due to the comfort and security of having a boyfriend. Too bad for her. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
For your own sanity, just break up and move on.
She is keeping you on the side while seeing if it works out with someone else. Either dump her or go nc and let her come to you.
She’s grumpy and thought you were grumpy too and *wanted to pick a fight*?
Fuck outa here with that noise.
She’s most likely already fucking another dude and wants to keep doing it and don’t feel guilt, after all “you’re on a break” so her conscience is clear right?
Tell her you are adding UP to the end of Break. She wants to get plowed to see if she can find a better man to monkey branch onto. She is putting you on “layaway”. Stop making decisions that impact your future based on past “emotional investment” because that is sunk cost fallacy.
What decision NOW most positively impacts the balance of your future?
Step 1 – Dump her, ghost her, no contact with her FOREVER!
Your relationship is over and she’s fully checked out. No need to deep dive into it. Sounds she’s kind of afraid to admit it to you thus why she’s playing games. Get ahead of it and truly end it, both of you are wasting your time at this point.
My updated comment: First… Thank you for the update. Deliberately picking fights is a HUGE red flag 🚩 there is someone else in the picture. Not to mention…it is a form of abuse 🚩 so is using sex as a weapon for control 🚩and it shouldn’t matter if you’re in a relationship early on or emotionally invested.. it’s unacceptable and should not be tolerated by any means… Your conversation on the phone and her not being specific with which was the truth or made up 🚩 (lying by omission)When you talk in person and she starts love bombing you 🚩
There are more red flags here than a communist march
Brother.. it’s time to look for evidence.. start thinking back..she mentioned or talked about an old fuck buddy… Check her phone next time she leaves it unattended.
“Listen, we can take a break. But clearly we have a sexual mismatch at the moment, and I am not at a point in my life where I no longer want to have sex with my partner. If the idea of sex with me is unappealing to you, and it is not something that can be fixed in your opinion, please be honest and tell me, because if you feel that way, I want to break up. Having a partner who dreads or is indifferent to physical intimacy with me will only make me miserable, and being dishonest about that is the cruelest thing you could do to me.”
UpdateMe!