My (M31) friend (M25) rejected me romantically, but still spends most of his time with me. Not sure what to make of it
It’s pretty confusing, we’ve been friends for 2+ years. We essentially talked on the phone together nearly everyday for hours upon hours.
If we’re not on the phone, we’re playing games with mutual friends.
I’ve had feelings for him since the beginning. We got a bit distant for a bit but In October he basically said it was obvious I had been crushing on him and he more or less said he didn’t feel the same way. But it was also pretty vague. And also mentioned how he was a “whore”
Didn’t talk much for a couple weeks. After that, he been initiating contact every day, all day, like we used to. He even one night showed me his “private collection” that he hasn’t shown anyone which I’m 99% sure included his own nudes but didn’t say anything. We also watched a gay erotic movie on thanksgiving. It’s just weird and kind of frustrating because this doesn’t seem like thing normal friends would do. He also gets sexual and talks about stuff that he’s into, but never overtly – like he’ll dirty talk towards me until I get awkward and then laugh.
And on top of this – he’s in a “situationship” with someone. He lives with another guy but they just call each other roommates, but in a lot of aspects they are kind of like a couple. Though – he tells me about all his hookups and stuff without his “roommate” knowing that only I know about. Which goes into his being a “whore” when he rejected me.
I don’t know, reading this it makes him sound terrible, maybe even me too. He’s a really good person. He’s the reason I got my first job and basically saved me from being homeless, he helps a lot of people that way.
He just spends an awful lot of time with me, not that I’m complaining. He literally lives with a guy and talks to me just as much as him, sometimes more.
It’s kind of frustrating. I’m not sure what his intentions are anymore, for a long time I thought he felt the same way but I guess not, I’m just confused.
Tl;dr: dude who rejected me still spends more time with me than anyone else. Is sometimes sexual with me but never overtly.
4 comments
Talk to him. Tell him you understand if he doesn’t have those feelings for you but xyz has made you confused and you want to know his intentions. You can be clear you don’t necessarily want it to stop if you don’t but you just need to know where you stand.
I had a friend a very long time ago who loved to hold hands and hug and cuddle. But I definitely did not have romantic feelings for him and wasn’t sure how he felt for me so I asked him when we were driving around one day. He said no romantic feelings, just friends and he felt comfortable enough to be like that with me
I always hate ambiguity when it comes to relationships, so I approve of the straight forward approach. To you he is sending mixed signals, so my solution would be logical about it, get your relationship where the two of you know what is what, and then let it go back to evolving naturally. This would be the time to set boundaries, since a relationship after a confession is all wibbly-wobbly.
To do this you will have to bring it up and talk it over, which shouldn’t be too difficult given you two talk a lot.
*advice from a random person on the internet
Maybe he likes the (sometimes sexual) attention but doesn’t want anything else? I say this because I’ve been in your situation, and that was the case. It can be intoxicating for some people to hang out with people who have deeper feelings for them. But it doesn’t mean they are interested. Just interested in the attention.
Sounds like you need to distance yourself so you can move on this situation isn’t healthy