We’ve been dating about a month and it’s going great except for her crazy baby daddy. They have a 3 year old together and as of right now he has no custody of the child. (She’s talked to attorneys and they’ve told her taking him to court is risky because he could very well get some custody) so as of right now he sees the kid but not often. But he’s very upset that she is moving on and has a new man. He’s dangerous. Criminal record, hard drugs, illegal weapons that he likes to flaunt on social media, he’s hit her before and recently threatened me by saying to her “if you want to keep him safe I better not find out who he is” I know if I continue this at some point I will have to meet him. Whether of my own fruition or not. And I want to stand my ground. But I also don’t want to put myself or her/her child in a dangerous situation. What should I do?
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Oye. This one is a tough one for me. Especially after only a month. Keep in mind that this “man” will be in her and therefore your life basically forever if this works out for you guys. I also think it is very easy to want to protect a person and so “trauma bond” to them or otherwise not look to leave a person for fear of piling on. To be 100% honest, given your relative ages and the newness of the relationship I would say it might be time to let her know this is more than you bargained for. It was her choice to have a child with this wacko, not your responsibility to bear the consequences for it unless you are really that invested at this point.
Na bro you gotta get out of there. Like idk this dude will be around for your entire lives because of that kid. He will probably turn that kid against you or get info and you’ll get hurt or killed. It’s not worth it dude, it’s too dangerous and it’s not wimpy to leave. A relationship should not mean you are in danger, maybe tell the mom to get a restraining order and move far if you’re really serious about this.
>He’s dangerous. Criminal record, hard drugs, illegal weapons that he likes to flaunt on social media, he’s hit her before and recently threatened me by saying to her “if you want to keep him safe I better not find out who he is”
I mean, you realize he’s going to find out who you are, right?
>New girlfriends baby daddy is crazy, how should I proceed?
The only way to win is not to play.
This is a tough one. If she doesn’t cut all contact with him that’s an issue. If it’s not child related conversations then that’s an issue also.
Like someone else said, he’s gonna be here and involved for the rest of her life. So know her better first, right now you see the situation but you can’t say you truly know someone after 1 month.
She shouldn’t be entertaining him with non child related conversation
Leave. It’s actually that simple.
If you think *any* of this is a bit hard? This is just the tip. Just the tip of her nightmare hellhole of a life you are going to be sucked into.
Honestly, just walk away.
This is too much for a “relationship” (and honestly, I use “relationship” ***very*** loosely here). You have only been dating for a month. Just call it quits & move on.
Leave. She must have some golden vag or something.
There’s a million fish in the sea, I’d go find one of those who doesn’t have a kid with a felon. Sometimes growing up is realizing that you have a choice of inviting drama in your life and that no partner is the one for you there will always be millions of potential woman some better then others, so be pickier in who you date, time is precious.
Why would you do this to yourself?
I really feel for her to be dealing with this at such a young age, but unfortunately I think the best way forward is for you to step away. She’s going to have to find some kind of equilibrium in this situation, whether it’s moving away and cutting contact, pursuing it in the courts etc. But currently it isn’t safe for either of you to continue dating.
(P.S. the phrase I think you were going for is “of my own volition” not fruition)
Dude, this is waaay to much drama for “we’ve been dating for about a month”…
I would leave.
bro i would just leave this gonna be a LOT of trouble in your life – you dont need that
I’ve been here brother, it sucks but let go. It’s nothing but unnecessary drama. Fast forward a few years and I’ve met someone amazing without an absolute nut for a baby father. You will too your still young.
Bruh leave tf. A single mom can’t be that amazing to risk your life over
Honestly if she didn’t have the kid I’d say why even be afraid, it’s probably just empty threats.. But she’s got a kid so it rly ain’t worth it.