Long story short, I’m at my granpa’s. We haven’t seen each other in 15 years, since my granma died.
Well, the man is racist and misogynistic. Not in a blatant way, but he *did* say to a beggar to get off her ass and move around if she wanted to get warm. It literally snowed today.
Thing is, he’s sick. And also, weirdly super nice. At least to me and my boyfriend. But I just can’t take the casual racism and sexism for much longer.
Idk how to do it. I don’t want to confront him about it, he’s old and sick and clueless. I tried bringing up a parcel I have to pick up back home (which is a true thing btw) to try and say we need to leave a day early but he was like, “ahah, you’re not gonna go home just for a parcel right?” and it was super awkward for a moment until my bf changed the subject.
But I need to get out. It starting to gnaw at my mental health, to the point it’s changing the memory I had of my granma. I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I need out, pls help
TL;DR: want to get out of racist, sexist, sick granpa’s house without hurting his feelings (yes, for some reason that’s important)
2 comments
How much longer are you supposed to stay there?
People do exactly what they want to do. Every single time. They put their time, effort, and energy into those things that are most important to them, and they put less (or none) into those things that are less (or not) important.
Your situation is this: you wish to leave because of all of the reasons that you cited, but you are unwilling to do so unless you can do so without “hurting his feelings”.
What that *means* is:
*His feelings are more important to you than your own*.
Because you are willing to stay in a place that is causing you distress, so that the feelings of a man *you* describe as racist and misogynistic (and to which I would add “cruel”, based on the way he treated the beggar) are not hurt.
Why is that?
Why are his feelings important to you at *all*?
Why are his feelings *more* important to you than your own needs?
In what way would the universe be made *worse* by you leaving and him being upset about it?
In what way is the universe being made *better* by you staying and subjugating your own feelings so that he won’t have to feel “hurt”?