Context: I’m American myself
I’ve often noticed young men shaking hands with other guys or doing the manly bro handshake + hug combination but then either hugging or side hugging the women in the group.
As for myself, I never know what to do. I think its kinda weird. It’s so confusing. I’ve heard some girls say handshakes are weird, I’ve seen many people greet others by just waving and not hand shaking or hugging at all.
So how do I know which to do?
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46 comments
Depends on the person or the group. I’m a hugger. All my close friends hug, male and female. Acquaintances, whether personal or professional, get handshakes regardless of gender.
It just depends on the level of relationship and individual’s comfort zones.
I handshake men and women I am not close to. I hug men and women I am close to. I fistbump anyone who makes the gesture and it seems very popular for women and men.
I hate being touched, but i’m willing to give handshakes.I think handshakes are the safe bet.
The Japanese got this one right.
Please don’t fucking hug me if you’re not sure how you should greet me. I don’t care if you’re a “hugger” or not.
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I handshake everyone. I hate hugging, regardless the gender. So, like everything, just depends.
Real ones will dap you up
Handshakes for men, women if they offer. Hugs for close people, half hugs for people close, but not enough to go tip to tip. High fives, low fives, and bumps to everyone. Salutes for a distance, waves for people you know but don’t know.
Handshakes for men and women I don’t know very well or am just now meeting, or in a professional setting.
Hugs for people I am close with.
Waves, almost never. Maybe to the neighbors when I’m walking the dog.
Don’t overthink it. Stick with offering a handshake and let the other person go in for a hug if they want.
Gotta learn how to dap someone up. It’s a more casual handshake
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I (male) dap up male friends/acquaintances, verbally greet OR handshake/dap/fist bump/hug female friends if they initiate, hug family, and firm hand shake literally anyone else
If it’s someone you know, you probably don’t need to think that hard about it. I assume you are referring to new acquaintances or strangers.
If that’s the case, I always default to a handshake. If the other person wants to initiate a hug I’ll go with it. I am definitely a hugger but I don’t start with a hug if I don’t know the other person.
I’ve never been big on handshakes. I typically avoid shaking hands with strangers. Someone I’m meeting for the first time, but will have a longer relationship than just a one or two day business or casual interaction will get a handshake. I try to stand six feet or more from someone when meeting for the first time, which is a successful deterent. Fist bumps are okay.
Depends on the person and situation. You have the firm handshake and a pat on the shoulder as the person moves on to the next person
You have the dude hug. A hug followed by two pats on the back
Handshake, come in, and then pat on the back
So there’s a few ways
This entirely depends on the specific relationship the two people have.
I would feel incredibly awkward if any of my coworkers or other business professionals were to try to hug me. A handshake is perfectly acceptable.
For friends, it depends on the comfort level of the people involved. Some friends like hugs. Some friend dont.
This is not a type of question that has a single easy answer
Yes. And I agree that it’s weird
Business and formal is handshaking, both men and women. Close friends and family is a hug, both men and women. Everyone else, wave
It depends entirely on the relationship I have with the person.
I’m a man. It’s a pretty boring answer but i do the bro hug/hand shake all my male friends and hug all my female friends. down south that seems to be the standard for all age groups and ethnicities and such.
I would personally only hug a man if he’s one of my closest friends or relatives, and then usually only if we haven’t seen one another in a long time. Otherwise it’s a handshake, fist bump, wave, etc.
I let women choose what they’re most comfortable with and go with it.
There’s two things that make me super uncomfortable: dudes assuming I want a hug, and having to explain that I don’t hug. I have to be really close to you to be open to a hug. Like, I either asked you to be a groomsman or I don’t want your hug.
I will generally shake hands
Homoerotic taunting and gesticulating is pretty normal.
The buttock smack is my calling card
Handshake is formal and good for anyone you don’t know or don’t know well or are not sure of the relationship and used for both sexes. It can seem a little cold if you’re close, however except in a profession environment where it’s expected.
A hug is if you’re close or in an informal setting.
waving is if you’re at a far distance.
I never liked handshakes and covid gave me a good excuse to give them up. Too many guys do not wash their hands after using the restroom. I just say hello and give you a friendly wave.
I was taught you shake a gentleman’s hand but do not initiate that with a lady. If she wishes to shake your hand she will offer it. Older women expect this while some younger women get offended if you shake his and “ignore her.” So you can’t win.
Depends on who it is/how well you know the person. For me I wave at everyone except those I’m very close with. I have issues with being touched by people I don’t know well/don’t like and that includes shaking hands. I smile and wave and people typically understand that means I don’t want to be touched, even at my office/meetings.
I know people say etiquette is all outdated snobbery for rich people but traditionally, you follow the woman’s lead. If she opens her arms then you hug, if you extends her hand then you shake, and if she does nothing then you wave. It’s very easy. Only touch a woman (or really anyone) to the extent she consents to.
I usually go with a gentle tickle behind the balls with the left hand while shaking with the right.
Varies by race and relationship. black people do the slap slide and embrace, idk how white people greet each other tbh. Latino dudes usually do it the black way as well. When you meet a white dude you’ll do the standard handshake
Basically this key and peele vid: https://youtu.be/nopWOC4SRm4?si=ol8KAE2ilyStr3CZ
When I was growing up in the 70s/80s this is what I was taught about handshakes as a young man.
If you’re meeting a woman. She needs to be the one to offer a handshake. This way you are not forcing them to shake hands if they don’t wish to. If they decide to stick to verbal greetings, go with that. In short it is up to the woman to determine how the greeting goes.
If you are meeting a man you can offer to shake hands first.
If it’s someone you know and not in a business setting. Do whatever you and your friend want for a greeting.
Professionally, everyone gets handshakes. Also strangers/acquaintances.
Casually, typically just as you describe, with the exception of men I’m exceptionally close to. Like, my brother and the men who were my groomsmen get full body hugs.
I don’t know if it’s the chicken or the egg, but I go with some handshake with most men casually over women because more men seem to be more squeemish on hugs from men in a casual setting, and more women seem to be squeemish on handshakes in a casual setting.
All of this is after body language has been read, of course, because some folks give off pretty clear “don’t touch me” cues.
I only hug people I’m friends with and some of the some people I’m related to. I wave to friends when I’m just passing by or walking up to them.
High fives or fist bumps are really good options for kids or most people you are friendly with.
I don’t really have many opportunities for handshakes, but in a business or more formal setting it is the best option.
If you’re a man, you shouldn’t initiate hugs with women you’ve never hugged before. It can be very uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Handshake with men and women, if I get to coose.
But, if a woman comes in for a hug-like-maneuver I will respond as best I can but it might be awkward.
On the otber side, if a man comes in for a hug-type-maneuver, one of his close family members better have died; otherwise, no.
Handshake for men I don’t know.
Manly bro handshake + hug combo and Special handshakes with 1-3 steps with men I know. Usually, you can sense this handshake is coming when you lock the tips of your fingers and feel their finger stick up so you can loop your finger around theres. lol does this make sense?
Side Hug for women I know.
Small half wave or Handshake for women I don’t know(sometimes for some women I do know).
Depends whenever I meet new people no matter who it is or who they know that I know I usually give them a proper hand shake and introduce myself with my first name(man or woman I do it to both) now if it’s friend or family the women I usually hug and the men I’ll dap them up then go in for a half hug half pat on the back
Yes, but it varies by subculture and the relationship (family, close friend, acquaintance, etc.) between those individual men.
I used to feel the same way and then decided to be the one that put my hand out for a shake first so you are the one deciding.
Yes; with other men I squeeze their hand as hard as I possibly can when shaking hands in an effort to find out who’s manlier. With women, I lightly get firmly grip their hand so that I don’t splinter half the bones in it
Yes handshake or bro hugshake for men.
Women a side handshake, I’m not sure what you call it, or a hug if you know them. The handshake is more like accepting her hand than shaking it.
I don’t touch people. I just nod in their general direction and say hello.
For folks I know (men and women) it’s a giant bear hug—and often getting picked up and sometimes spun around, for those I know enjoy it.
New acquaintances, a handshake or a fist bump. Next time I see them…probably a bear hug. 😉
Don’t worry, I’m not out there just pouncing on randoms. I’m generally very good at reading people and their comfort level with being touched, so I just gauge it off their vibe. It’s generally pretty easy to tell based on how they react to the person before me’s greeting. I adjust accordingly.
handshakes between men and women are only done in a professional context, where their social roles are equal. in any other context it would be strange. the handshake is an inherently masculine greeting used to express honest signals of dominance, submission, respect, confidence, cooperation, etc. all typical traditional male on male relationship stuff. its presence in professional culture is a carryover from male-only professional culture and would never have arisen otherwise.
>As for myself, I never know what to do. I think its kinda weird. It’s so confusing.
don’t overthink it. it isn’t rocket science.
It depends on the relationship. Is this at work? Strangers? Family? Are you spending time with this person or just passing by? I’m a guy btw and this is what I’ve seen in the Midwest USA.
Wave is a casual greeting. Can be less personal or just too far away for anything physical. Like somebody I’m passing in the hallway at work, or a less formal meeting, or an acquaintance I see in public.
Handshake is personal and direct. Might be a total stranger I’m meeting for the first time, family or friend that I’m glad to see, a colleague I’m tasked with working together, as a personal thank you to a stranger. An advanced version of this is the two handed handshake, a bit more personal.
Hug is informal and very personal. Typically for people I’m very acquainted with (like 50+ hours getting to know them) or close friends and family. Rarely done at work unless one of us needs a little emotional support.
I remember at the height of covid at work we had an engineer from Texas whom I was tasked to work with on a project. Handshakes were a big no-no due to covid, and we all had masks. I walked in and we exchanged names, I could tell right away that he was a jolly and friendly guy who needed a handshake. Also, he made some comment about a fake handshake being the best we could do. I stuck out my hand eagerly, he hesitated briefly but then took my hand, and I gave him a very hearty, strong handshake. He just started glowing and really needed it. We had a great week working together. It’s a food manufacturing facility so we had to wash our hands all the time anyway. Many people feel the need for some human contact. A handshake for us makes things personal while still being respectful.
It depends on the culture and what people expect. Not just national culture, but the specific local culture somebody is used to. They might have some influence from religion or heritage too. I’ve never been outside the country, but I would be nervous of doing more than a wave because I dont know their norms. I was raised strict Christian and wasn’t allowed much human contact. I was an adult before I hugged somebody for more than 3 seconds. Have you ever hugged somebody for 20 seconds? Changed my life lol it feels so comforting and personal. When I was like 18 I met my girlfriends family (Italian) and her aunt kissed me on the mouth! I was stunned lol I wasn’t even allowed to do that with my own family. Different norms. I’ve never seen women act differently than men with handshakes. It can be awkward to deny a handshake but a cool move is to blame it on yourself and quickly brush it off like “OH, sorry, my hands are dirty” and maybe do a fist bump if that is more comfortable.