l18F] i can’t get wet

it’s driving me crazy that i don’t know *why*. i do know that i have a pretty low sex drive though. it almost embarrasses me because it makes me feel so alienated from everyone my age. everyone is so horny all the fucking time (including my bf of 3 years) and everyone is having sex so casually and easily. i know people can be asexual but i’m not sure if i am as i still like to do everything EXCEPT penetration (oral, fingers, PiV, etc).

i feel like i would have to prepare for days–both mentally and physically–if i ever wanted a penis to successfully go in. it’s beyond frustrating; it’s as if the perfect circumstances would have to align for me to get wet enough and even THINK about allowing a penis inside me.

**i think this psychological block enhances my vaginal dryness… or maybe i have a physical condition on top of my low libido?**

i’ve never been able to insert anything into my agina, not even a tampon. but this is where it gets almost ironic. i masturbate quite a lot but with a vibrator on my clit, NEVER inside. however, when i do this, i have to be in a literal state of mediation. i focus only on the physical sensation and my mind goes blank (or the most random shit pops up in my head as i search for something to distract myself from thinking about sex??) i have never had sexual thoughts during masturbation. and i’ve never been wet during it–at least i don’t think so. *what would being wet even feel like if i’m not feeling inside?*

i just love how the vibrator feels, it’s not even sexual to me. it took a lot of practice & patience but now i finish every time and it’s AMAZING. but nothing ever comes out. maybe a bit wet in my underwear but i can’t tell if it’s discharge or cum LMAO??? why am i so dry? is it because i am not sexually aroused? is there something wrong with me 🙁