So I’ve been with my bf for about 2 and a half years now. He’s my first boyfriend and we met in the last few months of my 2nd year.
Way back then he was staying with his friends and working in the same city, but had already finished university. When we met I was in a pretty hard time of my life with family, money and uni issues but he was a solid support that I could always lean on and he smoked and had the same kind of messy uni lifestyle that I had (drinks, smoking, sleeping in etc).
Now that I’m past that kind of life now however, I’ve entered into a stage where I want to be making something of myself. I’ve taken a new job not related to my masters degree so I could pay off a bunch of things but I also want to move to the city and get industry experience, boost my career etc.
My boyfriend is not the same. He still lives with his parents – which is fair enough because yk the economy – but he’s told me before that he doesn’t like planning things as they almost never go to plan and that’s why he doesn’t have a solid plan for the future, just that he knows what he wants. But also he isn’t moving forward, is just working the same job, doesn’t go to the gym (I don’t either but I can’t afford it but he can!), and doesn’t really do anything out of his comfort zone.
We’ve been having talks about it and he gets quite defensive as he say I’m too critical about the way he lives his life when I mention certain things bother me. Before I mentioned an issue I had about him sleeping in even when he stays over and staying up late when I sleep earlier, as I feel we waste the day that way. I always try to approach issues cautiously but it’s getting so tiring having to do this whole song and dance just to bring up something that’s bugging me.
Otherwise, he’s a great person, far more considerate than I am and much more thoughtful than I can be. I appreciate how supportive and loving he is and when he’s here we get along so well but he just doesn’t have the energy half the time and it’s disappointing.
My question is, what do I do when I feel as if we’re so disconnected and different when it comes to the way we live our lives?
tl;dr: my bf is a great guy but doesn’t seem to have any ambition or drive which is not the way I see myself living. What do I do ?
1 comment
He’s almost 30. He’s not going to wake one day and suddenly be the man you envision your life with. He’s not going to be dynamic, focused, or driven. This is who he is. And he would be a solid “no” for a lot of women, no matter how considerate he is. You have every right to not settle for less than what you want for your future.