Some people just urke others even when they’re not trying to. What is it? Body language, pheromones, voice tone…what causes negative affective presence?
EDIT: to elaborate more – what if this is someone you don’t know. You just met them and aren’t even really aware of all their traits. There’s just something about the way they talk, the way they gesture, the way they laugh, just something about them is annoying. And in all honesty, they haven’t done anything consciously. They are friendly, nice and don’t give off a reasonable excuse to be viewed so annoyingly.
I’ve read that there’s little psychological studies into this phenomenon. One therapist says it’s shadow projection. Another therapist said it’s just poor social awareness. I’m looking for a more scientific and literal explanation. Not what traits annoy you about someone you know.
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Lack of confidence sometime exudes a ‘needy’ vibe, in the sense that people are looking to be validated by others.
I used to work with this Mormon lady and she always rubbed me the wrong way. Her weird,soft teen girl, voice and the tone she used; she was always trying to big sister/ mother other women at our jobs. Idk how to describe her besides fake. She just gave off this vibe that she was playing a role and I couldn’t stand her. It was also really annoying watching her interact with men, she always kicked up a few notches with them with the voice and acting helpless.
When they try to make everything about themselves. Like if you are telling a story or talking on a group and they interrupt and make it about them the whole time
People who pretend to not know that they are annoying. Like at some point you have to realize that you are a jerk. If everyone constantly tells you to go away…. Take a clue. He will ask 10 questions about a simple task. Or he will waste 20 minutes on what ifs instead of making calls.
The person that I’m referring to is a subordinate in another department thankfully.. He is actually quite knowledgeable on topics like travel and investing but outside of that he’s just a jerk, on purpose I believe. His direct supervisor will come to my office and vent because he’s such a nuisance. I like to believe I’m nice and give people a fair chance but I’ve even gotten to the point where I tell him directly to “Please knock it off”.
All of the above and more.
We of course have our own unique taste in conversations but you probably already knew that. What you might not know is there are certain traits MOST people dislike:
Sarcasm: This shocked me too when I was reading a book about social skill. Although alot of us use sarcasm, very little of us actually like it and you can see how it can spiral to belittling.
Gossip: this one is more obvious so I won’t expand upon it.
During my many hours of research I found these to be the universal “annoying traits” that MOST cultures hate.
It’s often the perceptions of the observer.
I think, being negative. I don’t like Pollyanna type people and I roll my eyes at live laugh love. But I’ve learned that even if everyone feels they’re in the same shit storm, they don’t wanna hear negative things all that often. Same time, people who are unhappy or stressed, don’t like to be around people who are super chippy and happy… So it’s a fine balancing act.
Fakeness is one that really gets to me. The worst is when they initiate interactions with me, which is a complete waste of my time, as they aren’t being genuine. Go be fake somewhere else!
People who cannot stop talking.
People who exclusively talk about themselves.
VOICE 😤 I know people can’t change the natural voice they have, but istg, if you have a voice that makes me internally groan, I will do everything I can to not be near you.
There are a lot of ways that people in general can be annoying. It could be out of pure dominance, insecurity, ignorance, impulsiveness, or like you’ve already mentioned, it could be for no reason at all. But I believe these personalities can be something that people can avoid doing.
Neediness, clinginess and immaturity. I knew this one girl who constantly pushed my boundaries because she thought it was funny, acted like a child in most contexts, and was very nervous about me leaving her and would constantly apologize for her existence
Attention seeking behaviour
People that always complain about the opposite sex.
i feel like none of these comments really get the point. i don’t know either, though.
Inauthenticity, negativity, sneakiness… could be a number of things. It’s under people’s control to a degree but takes some inner work.
Best not to overthink it and just accept that “vibes are real.”
I think when I was younger (high school through my twenties), my naïveté, high-pitched tone of voice, and awkwardness/poor social skills made me annoying to many. I also had that needy, clingy, low self-esteem vibe that someone else mentioned.
Even to this day, I have sort of a free-flowing, laid-back, creative personality that many type-A, more structured, high-strong types can’t stand.
People who always talk about themselves but only talking about drama.
Unfortunately this has made me not want to talk about myself at all. To the point where people don’t know a lot about me
Ever have teenage nephews? Fucking annouing.
A chatterbox!
Cockiness
People who talk and don’t seem to hear anything that you say and also people who think that they’re always right
I think what it is is people who are halfway between trying to be unique and confident, but also super afraid to be themselves (We’re all guilty of it), to the point we notice them and they become predictable, and we shouldn’t but we just feel like we are better than them. It’s like they are operating at a way higher expression of outward confidence than you actually sense they have. And then they try to test your buttons with some teasing, and you feel offended because their joke comes off more serious than actually joking.
Unless they’re directly attempting to annoy you. It’s a you and not them problem.