Hey y’all!
On a throw away account bc this is technically to help my younger sister.
I also apologize for the long post ahead but i think background may help…
So, to give some background. My sister (21F who we’ll call Gretchen) is having her 22nd birthday in December. She was going to have a party and texted her friend group about it. She wants this party to be special and I would like it as well because our mother, who lived with us, passed this year.
After the invite went out, a lot went down. Her friend group consists of 3 girls (we’ll call them Mary, Rose and Hange) and 1 guy (we’ll call him Eric) (the friend count is not including herself). She got a text from Rose explaining that the last time she stayed over with my sister and Eric at my sisters and i’s apartment that she was upset and wasn’t going to say anything except her therapist urged her to. I guess during the stay over Eric said some really shitty and triggering things to Rose. Like bringing up sensitive topics like Rose’s financial situations and eating disorder. Things that Rose has now explained that she has told Eric that she doesn’t want to talk about. Eric makes really off color jokes about sensitive issues like that. Things that i have even talked to my sister about in the past.
This became a thing and finally Rose came over and explained that this has been happening. Eric never respects these boundaries and he just doesn’t care. He makes really horrible jokes to Mary as well, even so much as to joke about her race.
These things never sat right with me nor my sister, but my sister and her friends have recently come back in contact as they had a falling out senior year. So, i have no idea what their relationship was like or what the group was like and she didn’t either. It’s been like 4 years they haven’t spoken. They’ve hung out since mending this relationship maybe twice all together and 5 times in different groups. So this also encouraged myself to air out some issues I’ve had with Eric and a lot of the things he said (again really off color jokes, really horrible things, pushing buttons past the point of even conceivable)
So, Rose and my sister had a talk and talked things out to ensure Rose felt okay. I also stepped in and sent a message from myself in the group chat with everyone laying out some ground rules for them staying in the apartment. (I should mention that the apartment is technically mine, my sister lives with me because of that i felt like I needed to step in)
So after ALL this, my sisters party is now the subject of discussion as Rose, Mary and Hange are invited to the party. And Eric was too, but because of how horrible he has been to Rose and Mary and some of the stuff he said to my sister and even to myself, my sister would like to uninvite him from her party. The only thing is she wants to do it in a polite way and I’ve told her that I don’t think there is a way to accomplish that…
So any advice?
2 comments
This all seems very melodramatic, is simply telling him yall don’t like the way he acted and asking for an apology out of the question?
If not, then why put in all this effort of writing a post just to tell him he’s uninvited? If an apology isn’t gonna fix anything and he’s forever 86’d from the group, how about a simple “We don’t like the way you spoke to her, we think it’s best you don’t come to the party”?
Also why is your sis not the one doing this? It’s her friend, he’ll take it as much more of an insulting disrespectful thing if it comes from you and not her. It might even make him think it’s just you with the problem with him
I’d just stop overthinking it, the simplest solution is often the best solution
So Eric does not respect pre-established boundaries and is generally being rude, racist even?
Sounds like perfectly legitimate reasons not to want someone around. I feel like this should be made clear to him. There is nothing wrong with being blunt about this but if she really wants to be polite, she could simply tell him how he makes them feel uncomfortable, for example.