Would you be bothered if you were dating a girl seriously and she made you wait months to sleep with but had slept with others after several dates in the past?

36 comments

  1. Comparing yourself to someone in their past is a dangerous game. It’s a completely different situation.

    If the “why not me” in your head gets too strong, maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you.

  2. If I was having these feelings then I would be very worried about my own insecurities.

    All relationships are different, I don’t care about what she did with any other person in the past, and I’m not sure how would I even know this information about her, so weird.

  3. You´re not dating her if she had other dudes.

    You´re that “nice” guy on hold.
    Move on and find someone who is willing to dedicate her time towards you not other 3/4 dates in parallel.

  4. Yeah. I’ll get down voted because reddit culture is all about “females can do no wrong” but I’m not investing a bunch of time, money, and energy into someone that other guys quickly ran through. Doesn’t make sense to.

  5. I’d be put off with anyone who wanted to wait months on some arbitrary timeline, no matter what she did with who.

    But, I’d also be annoyed if she accompanied this barrier to intimacy by puking out details about how she used to fuck faster than that. Would show me she’s tone deaf, on top of it.

  6. As a woman, i have made specific men wait longer because I’m so into them that i would get my feelings hurt if we slept together and things didn’t work out, because as a woman we are afraid of men only being after that one thing. This is why I’ve made men wait, because i want things to work out. Men that don’t push sleeping together until i bring it up are a godsend. Anyone else i slept with sooner was something i felt almost forced to do Or i just needed to get it out my system. In honesty, this is neither here nor there, because what do people of the past matter when you two are in the present? Sometimes long distance is a factor as well. I feel like as adults (idk how old you are) we are capable of making our own decisions and judgments, we can engage in anything we want as long as we are aware of the possible outcomes and are safe while doing it. I don’t think it really matters anymore.

  7. There’s no blanket statement/answer that applies here. Every situation is different.

    Maybe she feels that sleeping with the previous guys too early had a negative effect on the relationship and she doesn’t wanna make the same mistake with you. That’s a good thing.

  8. I’m a woman and I would never wait months for sex. Really wouldn’t matter what he did or didn’t do in the past. I’m not wasting time on someone who might not be what I want in bed.

    In this situation my question would be why are you making me wait?

    I really don’t get these people who think waiting makes the relationship better somehow.

    It doesn’t. Just wastes more of your time down the line and makes it harder to leave when you find out you are not compatible.

  9. I think people early on can stay or leave for whatever the hell reason they want to. If this bothers you, then bounce. I wouldn’t care, but I understand the initial inclination that she views you as a fool. Maybe not true at all, but I get the reaction.

  12. If she’s anything like me, she actually likes you and those guys were not boyfriend material but fine to pass the time with until finding someone serious.

  13. If a woman I want to date plays games where she is playing games and withholding intimacy, then we are seriously not aligned and I will no longer be dating her.

    I am dating to eventually find a life partner. If there is a mis match in any part of the relationship then she is not going to be my life partner and I am wasting my time.

  14. Well every girl you’ve dated has probably jumped into bed faster with another guy at some point

    BUT

    If she told me about it & tried to spin it like “but I really LOVE you over him!” I’d feel like a fool.

  15. Yes, personally it makes me feel undesirable and not as attractive as the guys she slept with early on.

  16. So much context is missing here.

    Maybe she jumped into bed with those men quickly and realized that she was just being used for sex. Realized that she wants to change her style of dating and do something different, like getting to know someone before having sex. Now you’re upset because she’s not giving it up quickly enough compared to men in the past who don’t even matter, because they’re in the past.

    If you don’t want to wait and feel entitled to sex right away based on other guys getting it right away…then don’t wait. Tell her it’s not going to work out and find someone who is going to bang out on the first date….

    Problem solved.

  17. This is stupid, however, she probably feels judged for having slept with other people too soon and things not working out between them. Now she cares about what you think of her and doesn’t want you to think she’s putting out too quickly, so she’s holding you to a different standard. Have you tried letting her know that you don’t judge her for her past? (Tho tbh it kinda seems like you are judging her for her past, so only try that if you can bring yourself to actually mean it.)

  18. Depends what you mean by this:

    > but had slept with others after several dates in the past?

    How far in the past? If it’s like years or several months ago, for example, her personality, desires, and interests may have changed. Maybe she was looking for casual then but is looking for serious now. That’s perfectly reasonable.

    But if she slept with a couple dudes *recently* but is forcing YOU to wait, you need to get out of there. Men in that position are typically in that place because of one of these:

    – She likes your personality and/or how you make her feel, but isn’t into you sexually so she’s keeping you around for emotions but satisfying the sexual desire elsewhere.

    – She likes the dates you’re taking her on, and/or what you’re buying or giving her, and she wants to keep that going on without having sex with you. She gets fun dates and gifts from you, and sex from the dudes she’s actually attracted to.

    – A recent Chad hit it and quit it and now you are the one being “punished” for it.

  19. I’ve seen this scenario on Reddit many times and the guy is always furious.

    The girl is like “I wanted this one to be special “. Well if the guy finds out that she goes to bed with guys straightaway all the time but has made him wait, do you think he suddenly sees her as wife material?

    Nope.

  20. I’d hate it.

    Let’s say you’re on a line for free samples, but the second it’s your turn at the counter, all of a sudden you have to pay. You’d feel some type of way, right?

    If every guy before me got to make an easy layup, then why am I having to shoot three-pointers from half-court?

    Obviously, I’m not that guy, and she’s just settling for me because I’m the “safe” option. Fuck that

  22. As warped logically as it may sound, she might have done this to you because she thought better of you than all the other dudes she sucked and fucked within a date or two. Some women feel like if they see potential in a man then they must hold off on sex even if they want it immediately because they want you to see them in a better light and want you long term.

    She doesn’t see it as a “punishment” to you because in her mind you are getting more from her than those dudes who bent her over right away did. Those dudes just got sex and BJ’s from her and you are getting a whole relationship from her so in her mind you are winning. She is projecting what she feels is the better scenario for women in general onto you. To her getting easy sex is easy and no big deal which is generally true for the vast majority of even barely attractive women. But getting a relationship is much harder and the real prize.

    So do with that what you will. But she thinks that you are winning here.

  24. Yeah 24 to 26ish is when the brain fully develops. Makes perfect sense. Also consider that she’s lived and learned.
    She doesn’t want that life, she’s seen the results of it and said no, I’m changing my life and how I treat my body and who I decide to have sex with.
    It’s not manipulative. She’s just growing up.

  25. If you genuinely like her and aren’t just after getting into her bed, why does it matter? She was probably naive back then and didn’t realize she was being used. If you’re after a quick hookup find a woman who will do that. You’re not entitled to her body just because she did something differently in the past. Nobody is owed sex. She’s not “fooling” or manipulating you, she’s just changing as she gets older. Honestly if this is how you talk about her behind her back then she was probably right to make you wait.

  26. Dude… If it bothers you, tell her. If you are not happy with her reasons, find someone else. From my perspective, sexual compatibility is a huge reason relationships end. The old college slut phase coming back to bite both of you, because she can’t put that genie back in the bottle.

    Ultimately she doesn’t have to sleep with anyone she doesn’t want to.

    You have to decide whether or not to find someone who doesn’t play stupid games with your emotions. It would be different is she was a virgin, right? There is no way I’d enter a lifelong contract with someone who may not be sexually compatible with me.

  27. Just because someone sleeps with others more quickly doesn’t mean you’re entitled to the same thing. Why are you having such a detailed conversation about that anyway? Leave the past in the past…

  28. I’d say it’s possible she’s changed as a person and doesn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. But if she makes you feel insecure and that’s she not excited about you I would be hurt by that if I was all in on this relationship.

  29. People are allowed to change their dating styles over time. But this trend of taking things slow with someone you want an LTR with *while* hooking up with others at the same time is kinda shitty, regardless of gender.

  30. It would mean she’s likely less attracted to me than the previous guys, which is potentially a long term problem. So I’d walk away.

  32. It sounds like you’re reacting to a lot of fear and preconceived notions. You’re scared of being fooled because you think women are devious. There is no blanket way women are. You have to decide if you trust or don’t trust the woman in front of you.

    I say that because it’s irrational to believe someone has to treat all their relationships the same. People live and learn. So if you don’t believe that’s possible, you have an underlying issue where you don’t trust women.

  33. Wanting to wait for sex is fine. Personally I can’t wait longer than a few months, so if someone needed to do so, we may be incompatible because it’s such an important part of how I express my love. It’s still fine though, different strokes.

    **However**, it is a ***major*** red flag if a woman actively holds a rule that she’ll immediately sleep with men “she doesn’t care for,” but makes the serious suitors wait before she sleeps with him. It’s all sorts of mental gymnastics that point to a deeper, problematic attachment style.

  34. This isn’t an issue unless you have the attitude that you’re owed sex at all just because the woman isn’t a virgn. A man really tells on himself with a question like this.

  36. Absolutely. I’d likely lose all respect for her.

    Every guy wants to feel special and you are basically telling me others were more special than me. There is no excuse or mental gymnastics about waiting being special that will overcome that base reaction. You want ME to earn a ticket after you let how many ride for free? No thanks.

    I’d also care about who those others were and how many.

    If, if I was considering a long term relationship with her. And generally that’s all I care about these days, but I understand those that don’t. Simple statistics say that once you hit double digits your chances of a successful long term relationship ever working plummet and family court or division of assets is a nightmare no one should sign up for.

    If I wasn’t then I’d still care about making me wait for the above reasons. Better to move on rather than waste time on someone I don’t take seriously to begin with.

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