Hi guys,
I’m (W21) dating a man a year older than me and he blows me away. His behavior, the character, his looks, the sex… everything is great.
And now of all times I’m slowly developing feelings.
I wish we could be together in another universe.
I’m a bookworm, I like to be for myself and have a lazy, funny board game evening just with my friends.
His life is a party. He likes club, late night driver with expensive cars, singing loud and suddenly dancing on the streets. And so much more. Like an attention seaker with a great heart.
He has a complete different behavior, but still with the same morals, principles and so on as I have.
Have you ever been in a situation like this?
My feelings aren’t strong yet, but I’m sad that nothing will come true of it.
26 comments
This is not a crush, this is a relationship
Yes, she’s the only child and they’re very rich. Her parents are nice to me too and we dated for a year and half. I feel like I just don’t fit in their circle and we slowly drifted apart without actually breaking up.
You don’t know that nothing will come of. Opposites attract! Keep seeing him. As long as it’s fun – that’s all that matters.
As a 27W, I can only say that you should be urself first. Dont lose urself to fit to another’s life and into a relationship. He loves you because of who you are.
lol you two sound like my parents. Dad’s a party animal who’s travelled the world, has a million friends, tries everything. Mum’s a home body with a few friends who prefers game nights at home and only left the country for the first time at 53. They’ve been together for 38 years. Different interests doesn’t mean different values, you could still be compatible as long as you can each be respectful of the other person and be okay with not sharing every experience together.
So where is it that you two have a connection? Which qualities are attracting him to you and you to him? Having different outward personalities doesn’t necessarily mean that things won’t work but if there isn’t something there that makes it easy to bridge the gap then you’re going to have problems. What do you do when you’re together? Party? Stay in? Both?
I, 28m, was talking with a female coworker, 23f, and she was like the opposite of what would be my type. Like id go for more of the gothic, emo, scene girls to anime nerdy types. She was not that at all. She was just a normal girl i guess? I hate to say basic, but she kinda was just plain basic. At least her work clothes, it was pretty loose dress code. She was very like chill looking. But when she dressed up when we eventually go out, she dressed up so nicely. She likes a lot of spanish music, banda reggaeton etc. She, at least to me, seemed like the clubbing type, but she was really just chill. Tho idk maybe cuz she wasnt like dancing with me much, like shed stay at one spot and not want to go out to the dancefloor, but she likes going to clubs. So idk. I like metal music and various other types that are like opposite of hers. She didnt really have an opinion of my music taste. But i liked reggaeton too to some extent, as i grew up in a Mexican household. So i was okay with liking that to an extent. Not my personal cup of tea, but yeah. And she totally was way beautiful for me. But she was such a down to earth, nice person. But she was too nice i guess she didnt want to like reject me straight up or whatever cuz she didnt like push me away or anything but always just not communicate that you know? I mean she ended up ghosting me after quitting so it just seems she just put up with me cuz we work together, but idk.
Sounds like a foundation for a relationship – don’t overthink it, go for it!
Fantasy
Opposites attract! My husband is an extroverted, athletic, handsome, charming guy. I’m a nerdy, shy, introverted couch potato. At first I questioned what he saw in me, and thought it was too good to be true. You never know who you’ll end up with!
This sounds very wholesome and nice. Just have fun girl live life
That’s not a crush wtf, you literally had sex with him
I have a certain type of women I know they’re not good for me (because it always ended badly), but they’re soo much fun.
You don’t necessarily have to be incompatible. But you might be a better judge of that than anonymous strangers.
But you could possibly make it work. Morals, principles, and eventual life goals are the most important things. He can go out partying every week, and you can stay in and read a book or invite your friends over and have a board game night.
You don’t need to have the same hobbies as long as there are things you can do together.
But think of all of the aspects in your life and future life and think about if you’d be bothered by him being different and if he would be bothered as well. So like:
– Marriage and children. Do you both want or not want that? And if you want children, how would you raise them? Would you be bothered by him going out all the time and leaving you with the kids?
– Vacations. Would you mind going on a city trip instead of a nature trip (for example)? And would you be bothered if he left you alone at night to check out the nightlife of the city? And would he be bothered by you not coming along or by you wanting to go camping sometime instead of staying in an hotel?
– Work. What’s that situation like, and what are the differences? And would you be bothered by that long term?
– Attention seeking. You mention he just starts singing on the street sometimes. Would you get embarrassed by that because all of the attention will be directed towards you, or do you find it endearing when it comes from him?
My boyfriend is also different from me in some ways. Although not as much as you. He is way more social than me, but I like that about him, and I also like going to social things. So it’s not too different, but I wouldn’t gave guessed that when I first met him.
They say opposites attract for a reason!
How do you know nothing will come true of it? They have the saying opposites attract for a reason. But also your going alittle doom and gloom pretty quick. You said he don’t even like him that strongly before he dismissing it. It’s a bad habit to get into.
If values are a match, then it’s a go. Looks like he’s the ying to your yang. As for his party mode, he’ll slow down. You guys are still young.
Reading this- and not into “shaming” but self reflection, why are you having sex with someone that can just walk away from you because he’s “so different” than you? Or someone that you’re just now “slowly developing feelings” for?
Why not just hang out?
Sounds to me like if the sex wasn’t there, the relationship wouldn’t be either.
Ask yourself if you’re a convenience for him?
Women that just have casual sex run that risk all the time! 24/7 365 and then they wonder WHY they feel used and get broken hearts 💔
Maybe he likes opposites. Some men do.
I saw the love of my life go, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
She is the first woman that I feel so comfortable with, the first one that made me feel that I’m not alone in this world, that my soulmate do exist. We share so much in common, we can talk for hours on end, seemingly about everything and nothing at all. And I love her, I love her with all my heart.
Yet she have an adventurous soul, a free spirit with a strong will; and I have no rights to hold her back. “If you love them, you let them go’, that what she told me. Though heartbroken I was, I know it’s true. She gone to another country for her Master degree, and it’s very likely she will stay there to work after that. And I couldn’t follow her, couldn’t change her mind. So I watched as she flew away.
I don’t know if we can ever meet again. I try to maintain contact with her but with distance, thing just fizzle out. She have her classes, her new friend, places to explore, her new life to enjoy,… and I’m here alone, holding the torch.
For the first time I truly understood the words “heartbreak”. It’s painful and depressing, it’s like grounded glass in your chest. But with time, I get use to the pain. It’s still ache, but I can manage.
It sounds like you’re being used for sex and your lack of experience is making a relationship out of hook ups
Can you never join him out at parties? Will he never join you for board games?
Yes combined hobbies and interests are important for something long term. It helps you spend time together and connect. You don’t need ALL your hobbies to be the same. But you do kind of need at least one.
I mean most of my ex’s are opposite personalities of me, I think a lot of times this is a good thing
Yeah I’m not seeing a problem. Do your core values line up? Do you get along? Are you able to reasonably allow for the other persons hobbies and personality to exist in combination with yours? Then go for it.
And word to the wise, my guess is that you’re more upset by this/attached than you’re letting on. You don’t go online to vent something you don’t care -that- much about.
You’re overthinking it, if it feels right why would you doubt it. You’re just creating problems that don’t exist.
Yeah, the girl I’m currently crushing on is the exact opposite of me – she’s shy (especially among guys) and a homebody, has never travelled out of the country before, and is cautious. I’m more outgoing (i vibe well with other women especially my friend’s girlfriends/wives – they my besties lol), and like to experience new things, travel at least twice a year, and more willing to take risks. But somehow we have a good vibe going on which is why I’m interested in her.