I have a friend with a 1 year old daughter. Her husband works out of state but her parents and in laws live in the same town as us.
I’ve noticed that everytime anyone is around her and her daughter my friend won’t watch her daughter. She’ll just automatically assume someone else will watch her. This includes feeding her and changing her diaper. She’s asked me to babysit once and I did but had to have really firm boundaries because she tried to stay out longer than planned.
She complains because neither set of grandparents want to watch the baby overnight so she can have “time to herself”. I wouldn’t mind watching her daughter. I love babies and hers is really sweet. I feel like she’s burning her support system out because she doesn’t take responsibility for the baby. I also don’t think a 1 year old should do overnights just so she can go out. She gets really mad when other people don’t help her out but she has more support than most people I know. I’ve noticed she doesn’t really interact with her daughter either and it seems like the baby is developmentally behind.
Tl;dr How do I explain to her that she is the mom and her baby is her responsibility?
7 comments
Thing is, you cannot change her. There are no “right words” that you can speak that will cause her to suddenly wake up and see things from your point of view. You have neither the right nor the power to change the way she chooses to parent (or *not* parent) her child.
The only thing you have the right *and* the power to do in this situation is: set up (and then *enforce*) your own boundaries.
You get to define what you will and will not do, what you will and will not accept in your life. If you don’t like being called upon to be her babysitter, then when she asks, decline. If you are in a situation where you and she are together, and she is expecting you to be the one watching her child, tell her that you have to go, and leave.
If you actually honestly believe that her approach to parenting is harmful or endangering to the child, then there’s always the avenue of calling Child Services (or whatever it is called in your area).
But if you simply don’t like how much she tries to foist her responsibility off onto you and others, there’s nothing to be done other than to remove yourself from those situations.
You don’t. You mean well, but this isn’t something she wants to hear. She’s not asking for help with this either, help is supposed to be like Mary Poppins randomly blessing her with nanny powers and she’s entitled to it cos motherhood is hard. What’s going to happen if you tell her this, is that she’s going to be very insulted and aren’t you the terrible one to suggest that she’s imposing.
Just take a step back if you dislike her approach.
Does her husband ever come home and help care for his daughter?
Why hasn’t she been assessed for post-partum depression?
I’d save my breath and just drop her as a friend.
this is not your battle to fight.
I would minimize the time spent with her, and while my heart (and yours) will break for that baby, there is literally nothing you can do to help it.
So let them go from your life, at least you won’t have to live with the stress and anxiety of slowly watching that train wreck
Sounds like she has PPD. Ask her to speak with her doctor.