This requires a lot of context and is a long story, i’ll try to include a tl;dr but just know that it will not give you a full understanding of the situation.
I [M18] have kind of liked my best friend [M18] on and off throughout our 10ish year friendship. I think he must have been the same, because there were times when we were younger that he would be really touchy and nervous around me and stuff. I never showed any indication that I liked anyone, so he doesn’t know.
I moved away from home almost 3 years ago, and in that time I’ve realized that I really do still like him. A lot. Like in a planning our future type way. I came back to visit once and he grabbed my arm and said that I’m more “muscle-y” than before, and if I wasn’t sure I had a thing for him before, I was then. We’ve kept in touch, haven’t drifted at all, and I go back every summer to visit. I’m moving back home for college and we plan on living together, so this isn’t some hanging on by a thread long distance situation.
I originally had the whole story written out, but it was so hard to follow I’ve decided to do this in a pro/con type of format.
Reasons I have to believe it’s mutual:
– Called me a few months after I moved and said he was gonna kiss me the night before I left but didn’t bc he got scared
– Has started sending “I love you” texts way more frequently and randomly throughout the day
– Asked if I had my first kiss, when I told him that I did ages ago he looked kind of annoyed and said, “doesn’t count”
– Has gone from begging me to move back for college to envisioning us buying a house together. He can’t decide on a state yet. Anyways, he doesn’t talk about it like a roommate situation? Like, “we could get chickens” and casually saying we really only needed a one bedroom. In a long term way.
– Broke up with his girlfriend under mysterious circumstances right after I left. He refuses to tell me anything about it until he can see me in person.
– The casual “i let you win pretty boy” text after i beat him at 8 ball ???????? huh???? what??
– Called me a month ago and said he’d date me no hesitation, and instead of laughing it off, he asked how I felt about it as if it were a suggestion or something
– We were in his car, almost every other song on his playlist made him turn and go “this one makes me think of you”
– Any time I have something to tell him his immediate first question is “is it about us?”
Reasons I am delusional and reading too far into this:
– He seemed genuinely upset about the breakup w his girlfriend
– Has reposted things like “when your ex could have been your forever” etc. despite never mentioning her in his plans for me and him, so he was lying to one of us
Don’t know what category this fits into but it seems like necessary information:
– Hate to say it but he wasn’t a very good boyfriend to his ex. She and I talked for a bit when he was in the bathroom once and apparently he moved on to other people as soon as they took a break, which they were doing always.
Anyways, I’m not really good at this kind of thing, and I want to say something to get us to maybe talk about this, but I don’t want to flat out say it. I want it to be able to be brushed off if need be. Very subtle, something that could be interpreted as platonic. I don’t want to flirt with him really, I just want some kind of confirmation without having to straight up confront him about it. Maybe that’s unrealistic, but I don’t know what to do.
tl;dr – There’s been some weird tension between my best friend and I for years and I don’t know how to clear it up in a subtle way