Boyfriend said he’s only attracted to me sexually!

34 comments

1. Oh, he’ll try to backtrack and say he was just joking or he didn’t mean it that way. But he definitely did.

   Nobody who didn’t just see you as a slab of meat for their pleasure would say something that stupid, even as a joke.

2. In a vacuum, I’d take his comment as a fumbled joke; but considering this:

   >has been so affectionate physically. Not so much emotionally or mentally.

   I think **this** is what you want to work on, beyond whatever his comments or jokes are.

   Sit him down and let him know that you’re not feeling held emotionally. Tell him how you’d like feel supported- is it listening more? more active conversation? Is it small acts of kindness to make your day easier? Is it doing something together that isn’t sexual, more often? Take stock of what you feel is lacking in the relationship, ask for it, and see if you can come to an agreement.

3. You never said how old he is.

4. Leave. It’s not worth it at 6 months. It could be a joke, which I doubt, but it’s so not worth it to go any further if it is in fact the truth

5. I don’t understand why women go for not great men, or often stay with them when they find out their man kinda sucks

6. People be so opinionated, just speak to him and convey your emotions!! The conversation from that point should show you the right direction.

7. >I laughed and said least I know your sexually attracted to me!!

   It sounds like there was already something planted in your mind to make you think/believe this?

8. You have to figure out if he meant it or not. You have to figure out if he is naive and young and said something flippantly “funny” in the moment because it was an easy, sassy reply to your comment… or if it is a true reflection of his feelings which slipped out in a moment of honesty.

   How do you tell? You keep paying attention to his actions.

   Does he value you outside of the bedroom? Does he invest emotionally going forward? Does he respect you as an equal partner in your shared relationship, or does he see you and treat you as only a means to get excited physically and work things out sexually?

   Just give yourself a couple or weeks, and take it all in. Then trust your gut. You will see what is right for you.

   Warning: If you do break up soon because of this general issue, he may accuse you of “making a mountain out of a molehill” and making a big deal out of a comment that was simply “just a joke.” The problem is that something within what he said rang true to you and lined up with a fear or feeling or question you may already have about your relationship. And, if you feel lonely or see evidence that he isn’t as connected to you as emotionally as you would like in the weeks ahead, it doesn’t mean that he is “wrong” necessarily. It just means that his comment likely lines up with what you have observed and experienced and doesn’t line up with what you want in a relationship. I am picturing one of my past boyfriends, and if he made a joke like that, I would *immediately* know it really was a complete joke that he said off-the-cuff because his actions told me otherwise and my feelings of being loved and accepted and emotionally supported told me otherwise. I would have known immediately it was just a joke because it didn’t line up with anything I was experiencing. So, the joke likely isn’t (or may not be) the real problem. It is just that it made you pause to evaluate how everything was going and see where your emotional needs aren’t being met or how you two lack connection in some way that you are seeking.

   Hope that makes sense. Again, pay attention to his actions.

   “What you are doing speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you are saying.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

9. He’s not serious. It was a fumbled joke and I wouldn’t look into it.

10. >So I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months, we’ve gone through the worst times

    Just fucking break up, jesus. Why do people insist on staying in obviously bad relationships, even when those relationships are brand new? This is your third post about this guy in the past two months, and you’ve only been dating for six! What are you doing, for real?

    As far as this particular incident, it seems like he was saying he’s only attracted to you, and not to anyone else.

11. You need to learn what sarcasm is. It seems like he said this because of his emotional attraction to you.

12. Through the worst times and only been together for 6 months? Yikes. Not worth it.

13. definitely depends on the tone he said it in, sounds like he might’ve just been sarcastic but i can’t tell just by reading the quote. if he’s making you feel unloved that is a problem, maybe think to yourself and see if the “worst times” you mentioned actually have ended and whether you’re willing to put yourself through more in the future if not

14. If he doesn’t cater to you emotionally or mentally than he probably is telling the truth and just tried cover it up with a joke

15. Could “haha that’s the only thing I’m attracted to” mean that he only got those kind of feelings for you? (As in not physically attracted to anyone else)

16. You have to move on. You need emotional and mental connection. He isn’t the only cock you can sit on.

17. This is just your boyfriend trying too hard (pun intended) to be funny and ironic. Forget it.

18. Yeah…he’s probably better off as a booty call. Sexual chemistry isn’t enough for a relationship. If he isn’t making you feel emotionally and mentally supported and loved and is saying he is only attracted to your body take it for what it is and enjoy the sex while it’s good but don’t let this man have your heart…because he’s not giving you his

19. Well on the bright side, at least he doesn’t think you’re ugly… 🤣🤣🤣 He could have said I’m only attracted to your finances.. 🤣🤣🤣

20. Some people are incapable of emotional connections.

21. There’s a word for this, but I can not remember. Basically the truth slips out even though they didn’t mean to say it. Sounds like he’s telling you what he really thinks. He’s only attracted to you sexually. You even say in your post he’s been affection sexually, but neither emotionally or mentally.

    The best advice I can give you is to find someone who can provide all three of those. Who can look at you and honestly say; “I’m attracted to everything about you and more.”

    But it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue being in a clearly toxic relationship or move on. Good luck though.

22. It’s still early. Give it time . Guys can say things and not realize how terrible it sounds until right after lol

    Also, if it’s of any consolation , at least your bf is sexually attracted to you and not everyone that crosses his path lol . I recently saw what my bfs ex looks like and now I can’t look at him the same. I know looks aren’t everything but from what I know too, yuck. . that said, learn about your bfs past . If it’s just all sex and no real long term relationships , think twice .

23. Considering that he seemingly uses you for sex, he probably was sincere in saying that. If he was into YOU, you would know it. It’s easy to find someone to hump on, that’s what you have it sounds like. I’d move on if you want more fulfillment and more connection than just sexual.

24. Yes, you’re overthinking.

25. The comment/joke wouldn’t have bothered you if like the other male commenters said your BF’s ACTIONS and examples of other LOVING WORDS were so CLEAR that you would’ve laughed as well. But you didn’t laugh because the comment/joke just tapped into negative feelings you already felt based on your BF’s ACTIONS and absence of sufficient LOVING WORDS. It’s a red flag for sure. I would use my ACTIONS to show him my displeasure. Pull back and withdraw and explain ONLY if he asks.

26. I’d leave, you deserve better. That’s an awful thing to say. If my husband said that I’d be like 👋✋

27. He sees you as a sex object, that’s not love its lust. Leave his ass and find someone who will love you.

28. this guy is an idiot, dump him

29. [removed]

30. I’d take this as a moment of unvarnished truth. Move on with your life. You are an object to him. If you stay, you’ll see this over and over again. It will get to the point where you’ll feel like he should just leave some money on the nightstand.

31. Sounds like a skill issue

32. i think it could have been harmless as guys don’t tend to put much thought into things like us women do but you should definitely let him know how you took it & how it made you feel. getting to the bottom of how he actually meant it & why you took it the way you did is a step closer to communicating better. you also definitely need to speak up about the lack of his effort emotionally & mentally as it is still early in the relationship & can save you resentment towards him in the future, speak up now while the topic is fresh because i know how hard it can be to speak up about things after letting some time pass by.

33. I think he was roasting you & then your negative response made it weird/bad. It’s happened to everyone. I’ve been there. I said something really weird during sex & the aura & air just shifted. I knew I was in for a talk. Which happened but we at least finished. She wasn’t mad it was just strange.

    “I’ve opened it up so much you could probably fit 2 in here”…. yeah not what a girl wants to hear 🤣

34. Well you already answered your own question and basically said he’s not meeting your mental or emotional needs. At 23 years old, I would only imagine that sex and physical attraction are at the very top of his list. Proceed with caution and make sure he’s everything you need in a partner before he gets you pregnant (again).