How did you overcome primary tokophobia (if you’ve had it)?

6 comments

1. I have always told my bf and family I don’t want kids. And for a long time I’ve believed it.

   The truth is I do really want kids and can’t imagine not having any. But I am absolutely terrified of giving birth, specifically the pain involved.

   This is tmi (and maybe don’t read if you’re pregnant?), but I have older sisters and they all have extremely traumatic/dangerous birth stories that I, of course, overheard growing up and was basically traumatized- stuff like blacking out from the pain, one said she had a severe tear over her clit that has made it so she’s never orgasmed again. All of them got epidurals and all were done at the wrong time or didn’t quite hit the exact right spot, and said they did nothing/felt everything.

   I’ve learned this fear is called tokophobia. Just before writing this I tried googling it and of course articles started talking about birth and it sent me spiraling into a panic attack for about an hour. Any talk of childbirth (not pregnancy, just the birth part) has me hyperventilating and dizzy with tunnel vision.

   For years I believed I would simply adopt but after tons and tons of research I’ve finally been forced to conclude I will likely never be able to afford adoption.

   The idea of raising kids and having a family? I love it and want it. Pregnancy and birth? It’s escalated the past year and now I have trouble even seeing another pregnant woman without feeling dizzy. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me.

   If anyone has experienced tokophobia I could really use some advice on how they overcame it. Thank you!

2. I haven’t overcome it, but I’m working on it. For deep-seated phobias like this, the answer is professional help. Oftentimes, we simply aren’t equipped to handle big, overwhelming fears like this. Especially when they’re validated by the lived experiences of those around us.

3. In case anyone is wondering:

   Tokophobia is an extreme fear of childbirth. The condition causes some people to take excessive measures to avoid getting pregnant. People who do become pregnant may dread each week of pregnancy instead of enjoying it. With therapy and extra support, this condition can be overcome.

4. I didn`t and I don`t want to overcome it. I stay childfree.

5. I had extreme fear of vaginal childbirth and didn’t overcome it. I had a planned c section instead, and will do the same for my second child. I didn’t have any fear of a c section (aside from mild nerves I’d have around any surgery, certainly not a phobia).

   Since maternal choice c sections are widely available where I am and phobia of vaginal childbirth is considered a valid medical reason to ask for one, I had no need to get over the fear.

6. Well I genuinely don’t want to have children so I don’t have to overcome it. And I don’t have panic attacts hearing about it because I’m detached fron the topic due to the fact I don’t want it anyway…