I [25F] have been seeing my boyfriend [28M] for about 6 months, and while we’ve had a great sex life the entire time, I’ve lately been losing attraction to him. I realize that some drop off is normal as the exciting newness of a new relationship wears off, but for the past few weeks I’ve noticed I have almost no desire to sleep with him. I can still get there, but haven’t been orgasming and typically have to do a lot of mental and physical stimulation prior to seeing him to get “ready” (sorry tmi).
The main issue is that so far it seems like it’s been in direct relation to some of his mannerisms that have come up as we’ve gotten more comfortable with one another. Specifically, he’s very affectionate and I guess now that we’re more established as a formal “couple”, he’s started squealing whenever he sees me. Like, a really high pitched “eeeee” sound, typically a few times when he first sees me, or whenever he starts feeling cuddly, and it’s sometimes accompanied with this “wiggle” thing he does with his body. To get a mental image, the best comparison I can think of right now is when a dog gets really excited and starts wiggling their butt a lot. When he gets this way (at least once every time we see each other, often several times) he’ll also make a sound effect every time we kiss. As in an audible “mwah” sound each time, and in full sincerity/not as a joke.
Maybe I’m just being too picky and uptight, but it’s been really hard to want sex when he does this stuff right before foreplay. The mannerisms make me think of a little kid when they get a toy or something, and obviously that wouldn’t make any sane person want to be intimate.
How do I bring this up with him? I don’t want him to change who he is or make him feel scrutinized, and I definitely don’t want to tell him that he does something that turns me off (I’ve joked about it before with silly things like not having a proper trash can and using old paper bags instead, and he got really upset/sad).
I know all my hormones and everything are balanced as I get frequent check ups for medical reasons, so I don’t think it’s medical as of right now. I just want to feel attracted to him again because he’s a great person in so many other areas.
**Tldr; my boyfriend has started squealing and it’s killing my sex drive. How do I ask him to stop?**
EDIT: Hi everyone! Thank you for all the replies and the varying opinions. I’ve decided to bring it up to him without mentioning the bit about the libido, and will see how our respective preferences and personal boundaries go from there.
Also, thank you for the laughs, it’s helped me get out of my head about it and realize that no matter what happens, having a conversation with him is the best way to find out what comes next.
I’m considering deleting the post as my boyfriend uses reddit and I don’t want this to be the way he finds out I have an issue with his wiggles, but thank you again to everyone who took time to leave helpful advice & insights, or to just commiserate.
27 comments
I’ll be honest, it doesn’t sound like you’re really into him all things considered. Of course it’s more complicated than that… but that may be at the root of the issue. It might be annoying as hell, objectively, sure, but also it very well could be something that another relationship might view as endearing and cute.
I guess what I’m positing here is.. is it JUST the squealing? Or… if that were addressed… would something else pop up? What does your gut say here?
I’m sorry, this is just too funny
6 months is still “new.” You shouldn’t be feeling like you’re losing attraction yet at this stage. Whatever you decide doing, don’t tell him that these things turn you off. He’ll indeed become sad and will most likely never do this again at all (with you or with another woman). He’ll probably be afraid to show excitement whenever he sees his partner and that’s not something you’d want him to be afraid of showing. For example, it’s like telling someone you get turned off by their “smile.” They’ll probably never smile again. Whatever you do, choose your words carefully. I think this can be worked through, but just think twice about what you say or do
I feel the best thing to do is to be honest with him because if not he will continue thinking you are ok with it. If it does cause a break up then at least you were up front and honest with him. And when you do talk to him don’t do it jokingly, show some compassion and concern that you have for it possibly ending the relationship. Good luck
This is what I call, getting the ick
Wayyyyyyyyyyy too early in the relationship to already be losing excitement.
Boys giving you that icky feeling and honestly, I get it.
I think it’d be better to just end the relationship.
That’s the “ick” 😂 this is too cringy to read bruh
Six months is still so early in a relationship. You should still be excited to see him, not all this.
It’s plausible he thinks you like it. Like maybe he had female friends or girlfriends in the past that liked he was willing to lean in to that sort of stuff and thought it was cute or whatever.
>How do I bring this up with him? I don’t want him to change who he is or make him feel scrutinized, and I definitely don’t want to tell him that he does something that turns me off (I’ve joked about it before with silly things like not having a proper trash can and using old paper bags instead, and he got really upset/sad).
Be aware though the real problem here is that you are kind of scared to raise anything you perceive potentially upsetting him. Long term a relationship where you can’t actually communicate is kind of doomed whether he wiggles his but or not. Right now should be the time for setting precedents in the dynamic and the one you are setting is bottling up your feelings, right?
Like I could see that killing your drive for this dynamic just as much as anything. The cutesy PDA is cringe but the fact you can’t even say anything approaching a concern or criticism of it without potentially setting him off is probably what really needs to be addressed, or rather it’ll be there as a problem even if you got over the squealing.
A girl I was seeing shortly did stuff exactly like this on our 4th date. Speaking in high pitch baby voice and doing all weird mannerisms like that. I got freaked out. Could not stand her anymore.
Girl just tell him you don’t think it’s cute and tbh it’s a little annoying. Idk why you’re so scared
You’re just not the right fit for each other, sounds like.
I dated a guy kinda like this for a bit.. around the two/ three month mark, he started to get really noisy? He was constantly just babbling about how happy he was & making exaggerated kissing noises & moans. It should have been cute, but it was too much for me
I felt like a total jerk, but it drove me crazy! & any attempt to talk to him about it just ended in him getting upset & starting a fight with me.
It is fine to tell someone that what they are doing is turning you off or annoying you. It does not actually “change who he is” to remove some small mannerisms. Two people who want to stay together for a long time need to make some adaptions to each other
He may not be the one for you. My boyfriend does the same thing and I love it because he’s excited to see me still after all these months. I find everything he does cute because I’m in love with him. If my ex did it I probably would be turned off. Just saying.
I guess this is why people say live with a person before you marry them. Hahahaha
OP, my ex used to do this thing where he’d pretend to be a bug. He’d curl his hands under his chin and make this wet banana noise with his mouth and attempt to chase me around while wiggling his fingers at me. I HATED IT ! Ick, cringe. I don’t have advice but I do have solidarity. 😂😭
That’ll do pig. That’ll do.
I’ll be honest here.. I think someone who’s madly in love with him will find this cute. I think you’re just incompatible… and he deserves to have a girlfriend that’ll let him be his weird comfortable self and still want to be with him, that’s literally what we’re all looking for in a relationship. You don’t belong together.
I’m sorry. But this is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Also, I have the ick for you.
My partner… ex partner(?) idk sometimes. Anyway we are lesbians (Obviously since I can’t tell if we are friends/exes or together) and we do shit like this. “Eeeeeeee!” When we are excited about something, even with the wiggle, closed fists shaking next to our cute little faces and all.
But you came for advice…
She also used to be super playful and cartoonish when we had sex. I would touch her with passion and intensity and just sexy, sometimes rough idk, I’m just like that in bed, making sure she knows every bit just gets me going…
her:
Grabs the breasts and makes cute noises, grabs the ass and bounces it up and down making crazy sounds, pokes, prods and jiggles. Always with weird faces and hoots and hollars like of approval but still just not sexy. She would pinch bite and that’s how she showed her interest. 😒 and I loved it sometimes but also I just wanted to be touched like she took me and my body seriously, it started giving me the ick. So one day I just stopped her and I was like “is my body a joke to you? I feel like you’re only touching me in this comical non serious way and it makes me wonder if you actually find me attractive” it was like the wolf in the cartoons when he sees the hot woman type of interest instead of yum I want to ravage you. And just being open about it making me feel less attracted was enough. She explained that she just likes to keep things light on her end and loved how I made her feel, but she really just felt great touching me and expressed it playfully. I told her I want serious and hot more often than goofy. And guess what? Then we had steamy lesbian sex with long gazes and sexy shudders with no wolf noises and purs, at least 92% of the time. Communicate if you want to save it.
Someone’s ick is someone else’s yum.
I’d just break it off. Seems like you two aren’t compatible anyway so why bother giving him a complex about something someone else might adore.
You found the icks
eeeeee!
You don’t like his cute aggression lol.
It sounds like he disgusts you but also lol
Bruh my ex used to do something similar when he wanted attention. He would take his shirt off out of nowhere, clasp his hands together in front of him, and gently wiggle while asking in a very “put on” shy voice if I liked his body. Think of something similar to that little skunk from Bambi batting his eyelashes and saying, “He can call me flower if he wants to!”
Of course I liked his body, and I often expressed it! But when he did this, it was like I was suddenly dating a stereotypically shy anime girl, and my soul would shrivel up. I felt so bad for my internal reaction. I feel validated by this.
I thought this was about a guy being a tattletale.