Is it normal for my partner to expect me to clean for them since I’m not paying for rent and they bought the property with their own mortgage?

I typically clean after myself but not for them.

42 comments

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  4. Do you work? If not then you should be doing everything around the house and not expect your partner to have to do anything when they get home. But if you work you need to be spitting all finances down the middle with the chores. But if you do work but don’t pay anything then you should do more than your partner around the house.

  5. Typically if you live rent free you offer something to make up the difference. Like cleaning the home, buying groceries, etc. so talk to your partner and figure out something equitable.

  6. If you’re not contributing anything towards utility bills or splitting chores then obviously. You’re essentially a leech if that’s the case

  7. Tbh, the money isn’t a factor. If you see something that needs doing, just take care of it. That’s what being in a partnership is.

  9. Yes, why would you think of your partner this way?

    You don’t clean for yourself or for them. You’re cleaning for the team.

  11. Need more context, but you probably ATA. Unless they are exorbitantly messy (like leave half eaten food on the plate when the garbage can is RIGHT THERE), then maybe not. But you probably should be doing the dishes and being more of a home maker.

    Again, need more context. Just because its 2023 doesnt mean there isn’t domestic shit to take care of.

  12. I live in a 3bd/2ba. I used to live alone but felt it a waste. I’ve housed several friends who needed a place at one time or another. I don’t ask for rent because I’m doing okay. They’ve all cleaned the house and helped out extra. (These are all platonic friends so no funny business) I think it’s fair to expect a little extra help, but it would never be something I got upset because things were messy.

  14. Gonna need a lot more information OP. If this is the question though, it’s likely you’re not in a healthy relationship.

  15. Most likely YTA. Actually if you’re not paying rent you should do *more* cleaning, as you contribution since you’re living rent-free. If your opinion is that you shouldn’t clean because it’s not your house anyway, then I don’t expect that arrangement to last long.

    It’s different if they’re real messy and trash the house, then it’s not your job to clean. But if it’s just normal housecleaning, then you absolutely should do your part, as they should do theirs. And that includes, for everyone, cleaning after the other if needed. If a task needs being done, then the first person who’s available does it. In a functional relationship you don’t count every little thing you do for the other anyway, you just do what needs to be done.

  16. What do you bring to the partnership, other than a pretty face and sterling conversation? Because while those are nice, they are not meeting my needs in a partner. I need financial contributions or some equivalent amount of work to what I bring, or else I’m not interested.

  18. Yes.
    Especially if you don’t work. My thought is it’s supposed to be team work. When my Wife and I first got together she had the more lucrative and demanding job by far. I would do more cooking and cleaning around the house so she could have some decompression time after work.

    During COVID the situation changed. I got a promotion and she got let go. She immediately took over doing the house work with out us having a conversation. She has found a new job since then and we get to the house work when we can. I try to make sure she doesn’t have to do it, and she does the same for me.

    You and your partner should be on the same team. Group effort.

  19. What are you bringing to the table? Sounds like your partner is going to end up taking care of a child (you)

  20. what is “normal” is to set up a “roommate agreement” of sorts where you both agree what you will each contribute. It could be money, it could be effort. But you should have shared understanding of what you each will do so that neither one of you is disappointed or frustrated.

  22. You’re not their partner if this is how you live. You’re just a freeloader with benefits. Partners work to help each other.

    So yes, you’re definitely the asshole here.

  23. I feel like you’re shooting yourself in the foot with this AITA.

    Usually in these situations, you say your side of the story that offers something positive about your side.

  25. Bruh. If you’re living rent free, you’re the house wife. You do everything reasonably possible to make their life easy.

  27. Just because a partner is giving you something doesn’t make you their servant. However, you should also contribute something to the relationship especially if you aren’t working. If your partner needs you to clean and you have time, you should probably clean.

  28. OP I don’t know if you like hip-hop but you should listen to J. Cole “folding clothes”.

    If you don’t want to fold clothes and clean up for your partner something is wrong there imo especially if you aren’t contributing to the rent.

  29. You clean the home you live in for no other reason than that you live there. So does the partner who owns the home. They live there, they clean.

    “I clean up after myself,” doesn’t really work when you’re talking about dust, floors, baseboards, cooking mess, etc. Everybody contributes.

    Are you in a relationship with someone who expects you to basically serve him? Remember, you made the decision to live there. Work it out with him so you (specifically you, I don’t mean plural you) are satisfied with the agreement or find somewhere else to live.

  30. There has to be some kind of context we’re not getting here. I can’t imagine you’d be asking this otherwise. Do you work and contribute financially in other ways?

  31. I think it’s normal to talk about division of labor and come up with something you both can agree on.

    The problem here is you both are opperating on assumptions and accidently crossing boundaries neither of you knew existed.

    Stop trying to get Reddit to win an argument for you and go hash this out with your partner.

  32. I’m sorry, are you their roommate or their partner? It’s a shared living space and you’re living there rent-free. I’m assuming you help out financially in other ways, but still. It’s your home. If something needs done, do it. Would renting a place together (as opposed to your partner having a mortgage) change the way you view this, and if so, why?

  33. Adults should know to clean up after themselves, that’s a given. Household chores, well, everybody lives in that household, it’s in everybody’s interest to maintain it. If they’re paying 100% of the mortgage, then that’s doing significantly more for the household than you are presently. It’s definitely reasonable to expect you to put in a little more.

  34. If you share a space with another person, the conventional thing is to split the effort of keeping a clean house evenly between the two of you.

  35. you need to be contributing something if you’re living rent free.

    solely cleaning behind yourself, is something you’d do if you all were equally providing..

    concluding, you are living rent free.. so yes, more is expected out of you, whether that be cleaning up the home, or taking on other house chores.

  37. r/AITAH is starting to leak over I see.

    I need more info but initial thought is “yup, you’re an asshole”. Cleaning up after yourself is something I’d expect from an elementary-school aged kid. As an adult you should be cleaning up your space. As someone in a relationship you and your partner should be splitting chores. Assuming the worst and that you’re unemployed or otherwise currently out of work, you should be stepping up and contribute your fair share to the relationship and household including chores.

  38. yeah.

    ​

    reding your history I think you should get some therapy dude. I mean we all should but it’ll help.

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