I usually don’t like acting like myself, because I feel like I have the natural tendency to talk about myself too much when I should be listening to other people and being more interested in them.
I’m also naturally pretty judgmental and non-BS taking.
It’s such a chore listening to “Rebecca” go on and on about how hard school is and how she gets lower grades than me.
Inner me: “I don’t know maybe if you stopped going out every night and focused more on getting your school shit together you’d do better. Every God damn time I’ve seen you you’re either talking during class (yes, we can hear you) or chronically scrolling through tiktok. I litterally haven’t seen you not post on Instagram everyday.”
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I dont know about much else, but i think your reaction to Rebecca is, for better or for worse, normal. Not nice, but people have thought worse with contempt.
**If you want to be more empathetic, try making things intentionally harder for yourself.** Do things you’re bad at, tell a trusted person to pick a random day for you to give away a huge chunk of your money (you don’t know the exact amount you’ll be giving away, it’s also up to them), listen to a recording reminding you of your insecurities, tell your friends to act like they doubt you (possibly without ever letting you in on why). The list goes on as you try to emulate their struggles, although it still wouldn’t be the same because your friends will be acting, and you’ve had some mental preparation even if you don’t know all the details of what’s to come, and you can even choose when to end the simulation which would be a real source of comfort the whole time, not possessed by those who experience those things for real with no choice and no easy way out.
**Then seek info on people’s struggles.** This could mean lurking in spaces dedicated to PWDs that are open to everyone. Or reading relevant blogs.
**As for talking about yourself,** do you zone out indiscriminately when other people talk? Or do you only zone out if their chosen topic is boring to you? Would you listen to someone if they shared your interests? Do you literally like the sound of your voice; would you listen to other people if they had your voice?
**When you talk about yourself, what is it about?** Is it different from what Rebecca talks about? Is there a point to it (e.g. humor, complaints but contextualized unlike Rebecca’s rants, constructive criticism about people you’ve encountered, etc.)? Do you find similar satisfaction in thinking about yourself or talking to yourself as you would talking about yourself to other people? What is it about your self being the topic that attracts you?
**Lastly, maybe seeking a professional diagnosis could help you.** It *could* be autism or adhd if your attention is highly influenced by topic and you dislike bullshit. It doesn’t *seem* like NPD nor pure-O OCD. If none of those, well, they might still give you better direction than we could.
**”Be yourself” is a weird platitude.** For one thing, we aren’t stagnant, who we are constantly develops. For another thing, it’s irrelevant to right and wrong as well as likeability. For yet another thing, some people don’t even know who they are without trying to be something: whether it’s good, likeable, intimidating, etc. I wouldn’t dwell on it. I prefer to align my actions with my values and principles than my sense of identity. Who I am depends on how I navigate the world anyway, not on who I think I am.
Having a thought it’s not being judgemental. If you know the whole scenario, just be honest. Honesty has a difference from cruel, just try to understand that.
Also you can’t be honest all of the time because we all know people don’t always wanna hear the truth.