I (m20) have been dating my girlfriend (21f) for just over 4 and 1/2 years. Our relationship has had its bumps and rough times but overall we have always been strong and rock solid. We have always been madly in love with each other.
Around June of last year, she moved to Texas to finish her degree, and I have been working in our hometown where we met, saving money and building my career in order to move in with her in this august which was the plan up until today.
Last night around 3am, she calls and me tells me that the guy she had told me not to worry about weeks prior, had kissed her after driving her home from a party. I didn’t have much to say, I said thank you for being honest with me and telling me upfront, she then tells me that he had driven her home, and spent an hour outside of her apartment talking with her and then they both “mutually kissed”. I told her it was the middle of the night and I needed to go back to sleep due to having work in the morning, but that we would talk about it when I was free.
At this point, I don’t know what to do. Did she do enough to throw 4 and 1/2 years down the drain? Or am I overreacting?
Well we have non-refundable tickets to spend all of next week in Vegas together for my 21’st birthday. What do I do? I’ve invested over $1,300 in this trip already and it is mostly non-refundable. Looking for any input. Just desperate and distraught.
TL;DR GF of over 4 years cheated on me last night, she kissed “the guy she told me not to worry about”at her apartment after he took her home from a party. We have non-refundable tickets to Vegas next week, what do I do?
31 comments
I mean clearly she didn’t respect you enough to not cheat or deter him, furthermore she lied to you and generally that never heals and can even get worse….
You need to decide whether or not that kiss was a relationship breaker or not.
That is a decision you must make, and nobody on Reddit can make that for you, we can only give you our opinions. But ultimately it is up to you.
[deleted]
In my post history I have written about evaluating infidelity. I really think the post will help you reflect on some key points to consider.
Can you just go to LV with a friend instead of her?
Perhaps give the friend like 50% off the cost–since it’s kind of last minute, unless you can get someone to take over the payment 100%.
As for her, it’s going to be up to you what you want to do, but you shouldn’t miss out on birthday fun at LV, honestly.
I dought it was just kissing. 99% of the time this is where trickle truth starts at. Then before you know it, they only cuddled, then only oral, then it only happened once. Finally you get a backbone and walk.
Or just say “fuck this” too all that disrespect and leave her.
Bro, dump her. Grab a homie and take em to vegas instead, go wild. Move forward.
You’re not going to be able to think about anything else by next week, and if you go with her it will be a tense, awful time.
Personally? I would either cancel the trip entirely and eat the money, or I would go by myself. Did you pay for both of you? Is she still planning on going?
Whether or not you want to stay in a relationship can be entirely separate from the trip. If you ask her to bow out she should respect your feelings and give you a little space, it’s the least she can do.
> an hour outside of her apartment talking with her and then they both “mutually kissed”.
That’s not the whole story.
First, break up with the girl. Second, find someone you know in your circle of friends willingful to come to LV by paying half of what you have already paid for her. If still nothing then put an announcement on FB like “All-paid stay at LV for single attractive girl”. Good luck!
did you pay for everything?
if so, then ask her ticket back, and give it to another person.
and, of course, you are not overreacting, cause she cheated on you.
are you going to break up with her?
you would not be in the wrong for doing that, and don’t be stick to that talk “but we spent so much time together, i don’t want to threw it all away”, because this is nothing more than “sunk cost fallacy”(if you don’t know what it is, google it).
doing a trip together with her it’s not a good idea at all.
if you can’t take her tickets back, then you better go, but be in a different place than her.
and you should read the book “Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to The Victim”, cause it will help you with the feelings that you have right now.
good luck.
Please don’t let everyone’s assumptions get in your head. I believe she is being honest. And you’re the one who actually knows her, and from your words, you also believe her.
She was at a party which more than likely ran after 2, and by 3, she was already on the phone calling him. She called him because she knew it was wrong. If she was remorseful enough to call immediately and let him know, I’m pretty sure she had the sense to not go further than kissing.
Not the same situation, but I was in a 5 year relationship with an ex, but the last year included around 3-4 breakups (we really wanted it to work :/). After one of those breakups, I went to a party with coworkers, drank a small bit, and left. One of my coworkers (who I had previously had a crush on) followed me to walk me to my car. When I was about to get in, he asked me if he could kiss me, and I said yes. He then asked if I would follow him back to his place, and I said no. He tried convincing me for about 5 minutes, but I didn’t budge. I then left and drove home, and called my ex crying at 2-3 in the morning to tell him what happened. We weren’t even together and weren’t actively talking, but it still felt so wrong. He thanked me for letting him know.
After a different breakup, there was actually a guy that I really, really liked. I would have probably started dating him if I could have, but he was not interested in relationships at that time. We did ended up kissing one night, which turned into two more nights. On all 3 instances, he tried to initiate sex, however I declined every time, even though I really physically wanted to. He later found out by reading my text messages, however he never truly believed it was only kissing, which really sucks because nothing more happened. He never really ended up getting over that and it ended up being our demise.
Anyways, I know their situation is completely different, but please stop insinuating that a girl can’t kiss a guy without doing anything sexual.
OP, consider the foundation of your relationship. You all are both very busy, but were you giving her the love/attention she needed? Even if it may have seemed ok, ask her (after some time) because that may have not been the case. You all are currently long-distance. The problem might be that it didn’t feel enough like a real relationship to her, and that’s why her even kissing someone else was even plausible.
Another thing to consider is how young you all are/how young you all were when you first got together. A lot of people think they’re with “the ones” right now, when it doesn’t end up being that way. It might feel like you’ll never find someone as compatible as them or someone who loves you as much as they do, but more than likely there is, and it may be someone who would NEVER kiss/cheat.
On the other hand, maybe it’s just the long-term aspect that isn’t working, and maybe once you all are actually together, you will have a great relationship.
Just don’t let feelings alone make up your decision.
She did cheat on you, knowingly, and had fun while doing it. Now she is trying to make you leave her by telling you. Do it but don’t be nice. Get a friend with you, or find someone completely random on a dating website. I guarantee you that you will have more fun with them than a cheating person.
Take her best friend and leave her at home.
If she’s admitting to kissing another guy you’ve got bigger problems. She’s dating OP; flat-out dating.
Walk. You’re only 21.
Call and ask these places for a refund, you’d be surprised if you are kind and explain the situation they might be willing to help. Also plain tickets will normally offer credits
You do know it was probably more than just a kiss right? Also this has more than likely been going on for a while. I am not sure what you can do with the trip but you going with her will be hell. Either try to go alone or sell what you can.
take a friend with you instead, maybe for a discounted amount, or see if she’ll pay you back honestly she might if she knows what she did was bad. enjoy your singles trip, pointlessly hit on some women, let yourself forget her for your birthday. you’ll deal with the real emotions when you get back
Sorry Op but I doubt mutually kissed is anywhere near the full story. A non-refundable ticket is no reason for a weekend of misery with her. Either go with a friend instead or don’t go at all.
What you do with your relationship is trickier. Is she telling the whole truth? Is she extremely remorseful and willing to work to rebuild your trust? Do you want to?
Take a friend to Las Vegas instead of her. Have fun flirting with cocktail waitresses and see if you can get one to kiss you (or several, for that matter). Have your friend take photos of you kissing and send them to her. I mean, why would she mind?
How do you know she is telling the truth about how far things went? Another man kissed her and then she still talks with him and then kisses him of her own volition. She’s likely trickle truthing you and she probably wants you to be the one to break up with her, so take my advice, tell her you are going to Vegas with a friend instead of her to “clear your head” and then flirt with as many girls as you can.
Guaranteed she won’t like you returning the favor, but who cares. She cheated on you. You can do better!
Trickle truth bro. I doubt it was just a kiss.
you have 4 choices:
1 – go with her anyway (no dont fuckin do this lol)
2 – go alone
3 – find a friend to take her ticket (if possible)
4 – dont go (and see if you can get airline credit or something)
just pick the most palatable from among 2-3-4 and go with it. The money’s gone no matter what, so just think about which would make you happier and forget about the money.
My fear is the trickle truthing. If she told you not to worry about him, then you were right about being fearful of her CHOOSING to foster the relationship with him to see where it leads. And then she eased you into the bad news by “he kissed me.” And then she KEPT grooming the relationship with him by talking to him for an hour, which means that she wasn’t horrified at her behavior, and then she made out with him. I bet that if you keep digging, she didn’t spend an hour outdoors “mutually kissing.”
It sounds like she is telling you that she likes the attention from this guy. You should be with someone that wants to be with you, instead of someone that you have to compete for. I would talk it out with her, but it sounds like it’s time for a breakup. I wouldn’t stay with someone just because you spent money for one measly weekend. You need to talk to her and figure out why you saw this attraction developing between them, yet she blew off your concerns and kept chasing a dude while she was with you. And why she wasn’t repulsed when he kissed her. I think that this relationship has maybe run its course. The great thing is that you will have learned to trust your gut in future relationships, so go be single and learn from this and don’t carry this baggage into the next relationship.
Can you take a friend, brother, cousin, etc that wants to go to Vegas and just consider the money that you spent a lost cause? Someone that would be a good wingman. You can message them, “Hey, so Alice and I broke up after she admitted that she was cheating on me. I already spent a bit of money on a trip to Vegas, do you want to come and we will just go to casinos and see what the clubs have to offer?” Don’t go getting STDs, but you might as well go to the clubs at the places like Caesar’s Palace and the Bellagio and the Venetian or whatever and see what it’s like.
I would tell her I’m not sure what this all means but that I defininitely don’t want to spend my birthday vacation thinking about/dealing with this so I’m planning to go alone. Then see if any friends wanted to last minute get in on it, and if not just make solo plans (maybe rent a car and see the grand canyon if you haven’t, it’s incredible!)
He took her home to her apartment after a party and was there for an hour. They didn’t just kiss. Trust me.
Abandon ship
Hey dude…she told truth…
Take her to Vegas….
Do unlimited fuck with her…
I mean buy some viagras there…for nonstop 45mins fk sessions..do atleast 10 to 15 fucks in this tour…
Don’t forget to lick her…
After u leave from there..straight away tell her not allow anyone to touch her..
And please gussa nahi nikalna fuck k waqt.
Do good lovefucks.
Then ask her again when she wants to tour again.
And please atleast 2fk and lot of licking every month.
Gn.
Have a good fuck tour..
Hey tell me what you did …bye
Take care .
Regarding your plane tickets, in most cases you can call the company and ask for cancelation (it might cost like 50 bucks). I had to cancel my trip and by calling and canceling they did give me a voucher. This is usually around what you paid for the tickets. I paid 700 and got a voucher for 660. It should be good for a year so you can still use it on a different time to a place you actually want to go to (that be it has to be with the company you booked with in the first place).
I would probably end it. She made the choice and kissed him after gaslighting you about her feelings for him. Take a friend on the trip instead or family member. Even if you don’t want to end things now, I think it’s fair to ask for space and to go with someone else. This isn’t the kind of trip you should take with someone you can’t trust.
Find a buddy and go to Vegas
So have you had a conversation with her since?