We have been together for 11 months. We just don’t really spend time other than at his house at night. He is good over text but in person I am struggling.
Spending time at home at night with him is good but I am 20 and would like to go out more on dates. I’m very introverted and don’t really like going out to clubs and everything with my friends because that’s just now who I am. But going anywhere that I get to dress up or even just put shoes on for us what I want. I have told him this multiple times (why we argue). To me, this is him not caring for me. Which may not be fair but I have asked him so many times and it is exhausting. Especially because he was so good at the start and I don’t want to have to plan everything. Also because I am always the one to go his house. So we argue and he always says he didn’t know he wasn’t doing enough for me and immediately thinking I am breaking up with him. I have never said I want to break up but I can sort of see how he could get worried – but not that worried. Then he will be really sweet for a day or two then I am back to sitting alone in my bed wondering.
Jump to even more recently. His cousin (who is like his best friend and brother) is moving away to the states (from Australia) next week and I know this will be tough for him. He is also doing work placement 2 hours away Monday – Wednesday for a month (starting last week) and is staying in the city those nights. I am also going away in 2 weeks for a month to Canada for a holiday with my family. So we won’t be together Christmas or new years or our 1 year anniversary. He was invited but money restraint and work stopped him which is more than fair. All of this mixed with our casual jobs we both work (separately) fridays and Saturday nights means I will not see much of him at all. He is more busy with everything. And yet this week I have seen him one night (at 8pm) just at his house and he ordered food in and I stayed over and left at 8am. Tonight (Friday) we both don’t have work but it is his cousins going away party and I wasn’t really invited. Only because he didn’t know what was happening and said I could “come by” but I said I wouldn’t because that’s not really an invite and I want him to spend time with his cousin before he leaves without having to worry if I’m having fun. But today I found out he was alone all day. Why didn’t he want to spend time with me then ?
I’ve talked on the phone and he said we will se each other tomorrow (Saturday) after work (we both finish around 1 – 2 am) and he said we can ‘chill then’. I’m guessing that means he will be with his friends tomorrow but I don’t even know. I’m also assuming he will be with them Sunday. Which I am more than okay with because it would be hard. But he was alone today so ???
I just feel like it shouldn’t be this hard to spend quality time together especially after our arguments. But I’m not sure if this is unreasonable I just need another opinion. How often do people see their partners and what do they do ???
2 comments
He’s 22. He’s not mature enough to do what you want. If you keep nagging, you won’t get anything. You’re going to have to give him ideas and expectations and be patient while he grows up.
Forgive me if my tone may sound a bit blunt, but this is what I genuinely think, after being in the same situation myself I can recognise a pattern in his behaviour and I will tell you what I wish someone told me years ago:
He doesn’t spend time with you because he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t plan anything because he doesn’t want to.
He likes it the way it is now: I assume that when you stay over you are intimate with each other, if so he gets to have free sex with you when he likes it. You are not a girlfriend, but a bootycall.
If he really liked you, he would want to impress you. He knows what you want (you told him several times), but he simply doesn’t care enough to do something about it and manipulates you with the whole “I’m not enough for you, do you want to break up with me then?” So that you stay at his side consoling him and taking care of him.
Leave this man and save yourself the heartache. He is not going to change.