For context, I’m not overly concerned about celebrating my birthday, and I don’t make a big fuss but it is nice to receive a message wishing me happy returns etc. I have wished people who I consider friends happy birthday before, only for them to let mine pass without bothering/remembering to reciprocate. I found it pretty disrespectful and it made me slightly resentful of the individual.
Should I let this go and not make a deal of it? Or is it indicative of a one-sided relationship?
4 comments
If these birthday wishes are public do they wish others a happy birthday? If they basically never send out birthday wishes it’s not personal and not necessarily saying anything about your relationship. Simply a case of not understanding what the other cares about. If they do send regularly then it is telling.
You could wait for them to do a ‘happy birthday’ first, and then follow up with one of your own when it’s their turn.
Birthdays are only important to ourselves. Don’t be offended, you want to be wished well? Tell everybody that it is your birthday. That’s what I do.
Well, people forget. I was born close to a long major holiday season so people don’t really remember mine, instead being preoccupied by reunions and other activities.
I’ve tried being loud about it in iirc 2019, just as an experiment, which went on for months leading to my birthday, but only my close friends remembered still.
It sucks seeing everyone get pampered by their friends because their birthday lands on a school or work day, then one time I was even asked to contribute funding a cake for a person who’s not even active in our club anymore, who i barely knew, but is known by older club members so literally anyone else can fund his cake (I declined that one; I wasn’t from the same economic class as them anyway. Just getting a cake with family is already a big deal, getting a second or even third cake from friends with their allowances was a huge culture shock for me. My best friends growing up would give me handwritten letters, plus either a cute little drawing or some trinket like a keychain; nothing expensive.)
Been 8 or 9 years since the cake incident. I’m still not used to it, although I’ve finally experienced having 4 close friends afford gifts for me.
**I suggest not overthinking it, it’ll make the resentment worse.**
**If there are other instances of non-reciprocation, it will tell you what you need to know. Have heart-to-hearts if you don’t think they’ll use you admitting feeling hurt against you.** If you’ve seen them be empathetic with another person, then maybe they’re a safe person to open up to. Otherwise, just ignore it.