Basically this person lovebombed me and within 4 weeks told me they were in love with their ex, but they wanted to remain friends. I was very understanding of them and said no problem but I’d have to think about being friends.

They told me they’d come over so they could talk more about it with me. I spend all that day trying to figure out what to do. Giving me heavy anxiety. And I decided that If they were honest I would heavily consider staying friends and put my feelings aside. This person doesn’t have a lot of good people around them (has been abused in the past) so I wanted to be there for them even as a friend.

The day after this happens a mutual friend asks me to go to a concert. I tell them no, bc I intend on meeting the person I was involved w to talk about what happened. As we had planned to.

2 hours before they’re supposed to be at my house. They message me and tell me they have plans at exactly the time the concert starts and that they have to come over tomorrow so we can talk. Later on they post on their story it’s confirmed they did indeed blow me off to go to this concert with mutual friend. We planned a meet up to talk 2 days before I first got invited to the concert. I said no, so mutual friend must’ve then asked them to go.

I proceed to ghost them, bc clearly this person doesn’t even value me as a friend, or is just so emotionally unaware to see how that could hurt me. So I just don’t want them in my life at all.

Mutual friend is telling me that it’s messed up that I ghosted them and that they’re really upset about it. Should I text them again?

44 comments

  2. Nope, I agree with you. You’re not allowing them to waste anymore of your time. Good for you.

  3. It’s called hypocrisy, she doesn’t like it when you do it to her but she is fine doing it to you. Personally I wouldn’t even talk to them again.

  5. wait wait wait… so she lovebombs you and leads you on for a while, then 4 weeks later she says she loves her ex… ok, she’s allowed to love whomever. that’s fine and you had the right reaction.

    Then she makes plans with you to discuss staying friends… okay… friends are cool too.

    Then the mutual friends invites you to a concert (aw that’s nice of them), but you say no because you’re meeting her to discuss staying friends.

    Then 2 hours before the plan, she ditches you and goes to the concert with the mutual friend that invited you to the same concert… the same mutual friend that knew you said no because you were meeting up with her???? AND DIDN’T TELL YOU???

    And this “really nice” mutual friend who totally knew you had plans with the girl who is now at the concert with them is saying it’s messed up that you gosted them????

    LOL…. you did the right thing. burn that bridge to the ground, wait for it to stop burning, then burn it again some more. You don’t need flaky people like that in your life.

  8. >The day after this happens a mutual friend asks me to go to a concert. I tell them no, bc I intend on meeting the person I was involved w to talk about what happened

    Info: is this the _same_ mutual friend you mention later?

    >I proceed to ghost them, bc clearly this person doesn’t even value me as a friend

    Well, clearly not, no.

    >Mutual friend is telling me that it’s messed up that I ghosted them and that they’re really upset about it

    You’re right, they don’t value you as a friend and if this “mutual friend” is the same one, they need their brain drilling to discover if there truly is a vacuum in there because it should be obvious you tried to make time for them and they blew you off.

    If they aren’t, well, they don’t have the context to understand and are probably only getting a one-sided story here of “wah, he won’t talk to me” and missed the “I made time, reserved it, she blew me off to go to a concert”.

    Whatever games are being played here really need to up and leave – she either needs help, support and time with you or doesn’t. You don’t mess people around, especially those who you call “friend” but then dump to do other fun things without the decency to give them notice.

  12. Nop nop nop. She used you. You don’t have to stay in contact so you can make her feel better about it. So many people hurt others feelings and when the consequences arise, they expect others to forgive and move on. entitlement at its finest.

  13. If I were you, I wouldn’t. I mean, if that person does not have a decency to tell you that they are going to a concert and overall choose a concert over the possibility of talking and remaining friends with you, it shows what their priorities are.

    You should now set yours and decide whether you want such friend. And you don’t have to befriend people just because they have few good people in their life. Think about yourself and whether this person would be good for YOU.

  16. I agree with you, OP, you know what you are doing, this person has no regards for your feelings or you, for that matter, best thing to do is cut ties asap.

  19. Your brand new that you were supposed to meet up with them and they asked them to the concert after you said no so I think you need to separate yourself from all parties involved!

  20. move on. they told you they were moving on.. they told you if you didn’t understand, that basically we can talk about it some more another time.. basically this is called closure….. the classic let’s be friends line means nicely this isn’t working. at this point you both should give each some space especially after love bombing.. like a month or a few weeks atleast. if I were you I’d been annoyed and no longer interested at this point.. but your like hey can we talk more so I can figure out why you only want to be friends and not more. as if there needs to be a reason for incompatibility…. your person had their own life friends and obligations.. they made a point to contact you and say I’m not going to make it because of this and that.. they didn’t want to hurt your feelings directly.. the entire time they been somewhat decent.. just leave and press on. thank them seriously for no longer trying to waste your time.. it sucks but it is what it and ain’t what it aint

  21. If you’d gotten in one last screw before you kicked her to the curb, that would have been good karma. Why be in a relationship if you’re not ready to be in one? Kids in their 20s.

  23. I dated a woman for a short while and then told her I wanted to end it. She was really creeping me out. An example…I made the mistake of emailing a silly joke to my family and her without CCing them so she wouldn’t see my family’s email addresses. We’d only been dating for several weeks and it was in no way serious. Nothing physical or anything else. She sent an email to my family members about how she couldn’t wait to meet them and how she’s looking forward to being in the family. Uh no. I’d been clear that we were not an item. She later did much, much crazier stuff.

    Anyway, I broke up with her via email but said we could meet if she needed to sorta debrief. Then she got more and more ugly so I tried to nix the meet up. But she made a huge deal about it so I agreed so she’d finally leave me alone. I don’t want to say more but she was not mentally well. Like, really not okay. She came to my house. She brought bags of dog and cat fur from animals that died that she’d owned years prior. She brought the program from her brother’s funeral and a few other really odd things. I think she did that because my daughter had died prior to me meeting her so she thought I’d stay with her if she showed me those items. Or something. It was so bizarre.

    My point in all of that rambling? Don’t feel pressured if they still want to meet. What is there to say? They don’t sound healthy minded. And do let your mutual friend know the situation.

    It sounds like you really liked them and it hurt when they bailed but you tried to remain friends for their sake, even though it was painful for you. You had a lot of integrity to not go to the concert and they didn’t reciprocate that level of care. I’m sorry they treated you badly.

  25. I understand you wanted to be the nice person to her and give her a chance to be friends because she’s been abused. I really think that’s very kind of you. Just please remember that it’s not your responsibility to take care of someone else’s trauma. Especially if you are helping them and it’s causing you pain. It’s okay to put yourself and your needs first. It’s not healthy for you to stay friends with someone who you still have feelings for anyway. Think about it this way, it’s like you are harming yourself in order to be there for someone. It’s not okay and if someone is making you feel bad for doing what’s best for you then they are not your friend and never were. Continue setting those personal boundaries to protect yourself and remember to be friends with people who value you and prove it with their actions and not just their words.

  28. Nope. To hell with the people who don’t care about you. You do what is best for you. Be firm on your boundaries

  29. Confused on the amount of people involved. How many people are involved in “they”. Grammar aside, step away from “them” this includes the mutual friend. One of the rules in life to succeed is to stay away from the misfortunate and the ones always in dilemma. The troubles around you will only increase.

  30. Dont text them and you may also want to ghost the mutual « friend », life is too short for unnecessary drama!

  32. Nope stay strong and move on. That’s pathetic asf of her, do not, do not, settle for less king

  33. This was a four week relationship, you don’t owe her closure, or friendship. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do when it comes to your own sanity and happiness.

  34. Good for you for walking away!!!!
    You’re not wrong at all!
    If it’s destroying your peace get rid of it

  36. No. Leave them alone. Don’t message back. Ever. Show them all your worth more than what they were giving you. Also cut off the mutual friend.

  37. >Mutual friend is telling me that it’s messed up that I ghosted them and that they’re really upset about it.

    F*CK them

  38. Let’s be real, she’s manipulating you. Don’t fold you’ll further give yourself anxiety. You cannot save people.

  40. Any self respecting person wouldn’t even need to reply to such people. Also whats there to talk. Them both coming together to talk to you !? Like that would super awkward.. why would you want to do that ? And what are you even gonna talk about ? It’s already done and dusted.

  41. The only thing i personally would’ve done differently is that I would have texted her something like:

    ” You are the one that wants to remain friends and have this conversation. You blow me off only 2 hours before this conversation, to go to a concert. A concert that our mutual friend invited me to first, but i declined because i had plans with you. Considering you don’t respect me or my time i don’t need to see or speak to you again”

    And then just block her everywhere, never unblock!

  42. Your mutual friend is her friend not yours and is a total asswipe. Don’t talk to her again. You can’t save everyone from their own lives when the won’t help themselves. You don’t owe her anything. I wouldn’t talk to her again

  44. The girl is not really your friend. You were just a placeholder whom she lead on.
    Don’t be friends with her. Shes a user.

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