We have been dating for almost 6 years, but have known each other since middle school. I have always thought of him as kind, loyal, hardworking. The kind of guy that is friends with everyone and involved in everything. When we started dating he was working for a fortune 100 company in IT. He was earning quite handsomely then. On our dates, he used to say that he was not satisfied with his role and wanted to get into a more ‘meaningful’ role that allies with his interests more and something that pays even higher. At the time, he seemed very ambitious and career focused. He was always good in academics, he was consistently in the top 10% in his school and university.
Then Covid started and he moved in with his family to take care of an ailing parent. Working from home didn’t work out for him and he was soon fired for poor performance. During this time, I needed to learn Spanish for a job and he volunteered to tutor me(he’s Spanish). He would give me lessons for a couple of hours everyday and this went for four months. Around the same time, one of my family members became sick with severe Covid and was in hospital for many weeks. Since my boyfriend was living nearby, he used to help a lot in the hospital, sometimes even taking days off from his work to help me with something. I believe these two things, him taking days off to help with my relative and him helping me learn Spanish contributed to his poor performance in work in some ways which resulted in him getting sacked. But he has never once said so. He seemed not too bothered by it, probably because he was not very happy with that role.
Fast forward to three years, he is still unemployed and living with his parents. He had 3 years of work experience when he was fired. He wanted to take a year off to refresh his mind and figure out what he wanted to do next. He mostly spent that year playing video games and lounging around. After a year, he was still confused what to do next, he said he wanted to go for Masters and started applying for it. He did end up getting admitted in some good universities but ended up not going. His reason was that he wasn’t sure. Since 2021, he is working to get a job again in IT, but it doesn’t look like he is making any significant progress in this regard. He still spends many days either playing video games or doing nothing. His parents are very kind and never asked him to move out even after being unemployed for 3 years(compared to mine who kicked me out once I turned 18). He isn’t depressed, on the contrary, he seems quite happy and content staying at home doing nothing. He says he wouldn’t get another opportunity to live with his parents again once he moves out with a new job, so he wants to cherish living with them. Every now and then he regrets over wasting so much time when he ought to have been working and earning and starts searching jobs fervently. But the enthusiasm doesn’t last long and he starts to procrastinate again.
This is worrying me a lot. I was hoping to start a family with him in some years, but this behaviour of him concerns me. He still seems very ambitious and talks about getting a very high paying job soon in one of the technical giants, but he isn’t putting up much of an effort to get there. He says he would buy a house and an expensive car soon after getting a 6 figure job, but he’s been saying the same for the last 2 years. Of late, he is basically all talks and little to no hardwork. Now that I think about it, he has always been lazy and liked to procrastinate even when we were in school. Would do his homework at the last minute and would procrastinate preparing for exams until the last day. Regardless, he used to get good grades, so I didn’t give it much of a thought then. It’s also very hard to get him to do things due of his lack of discipline, he needs to be given multiple reminders to get something done, even if it is for his own benefit. I love him dearly and he is a walking green flag in every other aspect so I was turning a blind eye to this fault of him. But now I’m concerned and not sure what would be the best course of action. I have been working since 2020. We have been living apart since then as I had to come to the U.S for work(we’re both from Canada). We meet occasionally. I’m confused how to proceed with this. Should I continue to have faith in him and hope that he would find a job soon or would it be better to leave him now and move on with my life?
TL;DR : Boyfriend was fired from his high paying job and has been unemployed and living with his parents for the last 3 years.
1 comment
His chances of getting an acceptable in terms of money job in IT are very slim. He has nothing to cover the last 3 years with and he was just a middle-level developer before, his last place of empoyment would only give him a negative review – it would take a very determined and hard-working person to study and then fail many interviews to finally get a place in a company that would roll with his history and skills. The man you describe is a daydreamer, he is all talk and does not really want to work, he won’t achieve it.