My (29F) girlfriend still sleeps with her mum. Should I (28M) be weirded out?

24 comments

1. I think everyone’s upbringing is different. Some people are incredibly used to sleeping with siblings/parents because it was necessary when they were younger due to space, and this can even be passed down as a family norm (ie maybe it was not necessary for your gf but it was for her mom, therefore her mom finds it normal to do with her). I wouldn’t specifically be concerned about it unless it seems like something inappropriate is going on. Sure, it’s a little unusual but I don’t think personally it would be a huge deal to me.

2. 29F here, I know quite a few gals my age that share a bed with their mothers when they come to visit. A big part of it is just having one bed and wanting your mom to be able to sleep on it rather than on a makeshift mattress on the floor. That said, I don’t think anyone would kick a partner out of the bed for it – nor do I think the same sleeping arrangements would be afforded to dad. Usually this is just single women who live on their own and are close with their mothers, they just each take their own side of the bed. Not super weird for a lot of women.

   Edit to add: I don’t know much about dad moving to a separate room for this when she goes to visit, not sure what her parents dynamic is or anything, just speaking to her mother visiting her!

3. In many Asian cultures, it is very common for adult daughters to sleep with their mom as a bonding experience. It feels weird to me, a man, but the mother-daughter relationship is one of the most complex dynamics out there.

4. I’m 28f and when I go home I schedule a sleepover with my mom and sister. I don’t think it’s weird, sometimes you just want that closeness.

   Different strokes for different folks

5. Honestly. I’m going thru something at the minute and I would love to be able to climb into my mums bed with her and sleep, maybe I’d get some actual sleep that way.

   I don’t find it weird. My kids also sleep in bed with my mum, she kicks my dad (stepdad) to the couch when one of the grandkids are sleeping over.

   So to me it’s normal.

6. Her mum is her comfort, her safety, her home

   I don’t find it weird, my entire life I’ve climbed into bed with my mum to spend time with her

   I could never share a bed with her though, I’ve had to before, and she snores like a freight train. Love her, but nope 🤣

   I’m sure she’s with you all the time, what’s wrong with picking her mum this once?

   Her mum will always be her mum until one day she’s just *gone* and maybe she wants to keep her close while she still can

   I mean if you’re true partners you’ll be sharing a bed long after her mums dead, why create an issue when there isn’t one?

7. Different strokes for different folks – some families are really close and think that it’s fine, or they had really big families in really small houses growing up. Others wouldn’t dream of sleeping in the same bed.

   It’s probably super comforting – I mean, it’s her mom. Why does physical parental/familial contact always have to be suspect to people?

8. I don’t think this is weird. If she hasn’t seen her mom in a while, maybe she wants to have a sleepover and gossip till late with her. It would be nice to let her have that weekend with her mom without making her choose who is priority. It’s her mom who birthed her you know. Came out of vagina, wiped bums. Sleeping on same bed is very impersonal next to that.

9. I (F25) still sleep in my moms bed when I have my own. No cuddles or anything but I was in a relationship for 2 years and sleeping next to someone constantly felt safe. My mom feels the same and likes to know when I get home from work (bartending till 2am). When I tell people they say they understand because we’re close and they wish they had that relationship but sometimes I do think it’s weird myself I still do it but whatever

10. I mean it’s really dependant on your upbringing and how close you are with family. For me, I don’t see anything weird about this, BUT that’s only because me and my family, especially my mom are super close. Everyone’s different, but to me and others, It’s comforting. Even if we’re not kids or teens anymore haha.

11. cosleeping is common and normal in many cultures, if you feel that weird about it maybe ask yourself why it seems unusual to you or talk it through with your girlfriend. the issue isnt that you find it unusual, just be mindful of the way you talk to her about it

12. OP I’m 43F, European/Italian (if that’s relevant) and I live thousands of miles away from my mum. When she comes to visit, even tho I do have two bedrooms, sometimes we do sleep in the same bed. It’s a comfort thing for me, we sit and talk for hours and then we just fall asleep. Sometimes we sleep in separate rooms and I just come and climb into bed with her like a fucking toddler, she holds one of my hands or plays with my hair…because she’s my mum and sometimes I just want to be her daughter. We have to “be” so many people everyday and it’s exhausting and sometimes I don’t want to have to be a friend, a sister, a partner, a professional…don’t want to look after anyone or worry about anything for just a few hours.

    I just want to be her daughter.

    And I did chose her over partners several times in the past because I get to see her once a year if I’m lucky. Even her partner knew that and was fine with it. Your feelings are valid but I think saying you’re not feeling “prioritised” like you “should” it’s a bit silly, specially considering you’re 6 months in.
    That’s her mum! You have different priority levels and that’ll never change.
    Maybe ask her about it in a nice way, to get her perspective. Do some self reflection as well. (For example if you ever chose to have kids, with anyone, how’d that work? They’ll be a priority and you’ll be pouty about it?).
    You’ll be fine on your own for one night.
    (And maybe cut down the porn 😄 there’s nothing weird about it).

    ETA: Also your tittle is very misleading as you made it sound like she’s really codependent and won’t sleep without her mum cuddling her or something all the time. It just shows how skewed and judgmental you’re being.

13. I am 30+ married. When I visit my parent’s home without my husband, I sometimes sleep with my mother too. I don’t get the deal here?!

14. I’ve shared the bed with my mum or sister or even my nan. Usually when I’m staying the night, and there wasn’t a spare room or bed. I don’t now but that’s because I don’t spend the night but if I did, and the only space was next to them I would. And as a child I used to sleep in the same bed as my mum or sister when I had bad dreams etc. At my nans there wasn’t an extra room for my sister and I so we usually shared. It’s not abnormal, we’re family and the same gender so makes no difference to us

15. No. No you should not be. This might be the stupidest post I have seen yet. It’s her fucking mother bro. Who gives a flying fuck if they share a bed for a night??? Like really? Are you 12 or 28? It’s perfectly fine and nothing to worry about or care about unless you are already looking for an excuse to end the relationship. And with the maturity level shown here… maybe you should. Mmm that might be overly harsh but honestly this should not be a big deal.

16. i wish i had a loving enough relationship with my mum that i’d voluntarily do this. i refused to sleep next to her even as a child. i think it’s sweet that she wants to sleep next to her mum even as an adult. it says a lot about their relationship.

    you mentioned that you’ve only been with her for six months? that isn’t really a very long time. if she doesn’t see her mum often, it makes sense why she’d want to sleep next to her.

    if it makes you that uncomfortable, i think you should have a polite conversation with her. you’re going to see many divided views here based mostly on upbringing and culture.

17. You people can call me weird but I still snuggle up to my mom if I get the chance. I’m 28M but I still crave that warm feeling that comes from my mom. Yes she’s a narcissist but she’s still my mom.

18. You’re being weird. Her mom is coming to visit and she isn’t going to put her mother on a sofa to let you sleep in her bed w her. Have some respect for elders. You sound rude and entitled. Saying she isn’t prioritizing you is also weak and whiny. She lets you sleep in her bed every other night. It’s her MOTHER coming to visit. Of course she is going to have her mom sleep in the bed. As for sleeping in the same bed, it’s not weird . She’s not sleeping in the same bed as her dad. I am 30 and when my mom visits from out of state she stays in my bed and my bf stays at his place in his king sized mattress like an adult.

19. I know older women that still do this when they or their mom visits. I guess it’s a comfort thing to be next to their mom. Never saw anything wrong with it

20. Nah

21. I’m 30F and I still sleep with my sister (24F) when I go home to visit my parents. I have my own room but I prefer hanging out more with her. We get to have so much fun with our late-night convo that we would’ve not done otherwise. I think it’s completely normal for your gf to sleep with her mum if they’re close.

22. I think this is likely a cultural difference thing, for eg the idea of me doing that with my mum or dad as an adult is weird as fuck, but for my gf who’s from a different country it’s a very normal thing.

23. So you’re meeting her mom for the first time.. and want to sleep with her while her mom is in the next room? You trying to establish dominance bro?

    You should be weirded out because you’re being weird. It’s giving petulant energy. At 6 months in, you’ve made an unnecessary competition with her mom – THAT’S weird.

24. My mom passed away 7 years ago and I loved sleeping in the same bed as her. I would give anything to have her back.