Tl;dr : relationship of 2 years, confused if i should breakup with my boyf because of random reasons.
i just need some advice because im so confused. this is gon be long, so bear with me
we’ve been dating for almost 2 years and living together for 1 year. this is my first relationship. we started dating within a month of knowing each other and there were a lot of things we did that we changed to make this work (changing habits – like we used to scream at each other a lot but stopped dling that).
every time we fight, i want a breakup. he had convinced me till now not to break up. every time, it seems like i messed up or i did not listen to him or make a big deal out of smth small. and hes wrong, i do make things difficult for him (i want him to improve his clothing style, start skincare, eat more veggies) and im very particular about being right all the time about some cleaning habits (like closing the toilet lid while flushing). i just things to be done my way. he also had a habit of claiming about being right about some things when he turns out to be wrong (ig just this subtle character of acting like hes had a lot of life experiences and being the oldest person in the room? ill give an example: every time i say im going to the club, he always says hes had a wild life back in his home country india and he partyed there a lot so hes done it all and hes tired so ill also get bored soon and ill stop going as well.
anyway, weve come a long way and hes definitely improved a lot since we first started (like he used to act weird/be jealous if i spent more time with my frnds and would ask for attention and keep calling but now hes chill and i go out to clubs with frnds and hang out and hes fine).
i used to think i have a bad attachment issue but i can sense its much wlrse in him. the fact that he doesnt have any frnds doesnt help either (and he used to say hes unwilling to make frnds either, he says im all he needs but now when ive been pushing him to make some, he says he cant and nobody wants to be frnds with him).
i also feel like a horrible person. i make him change for me, do things for me, he always picks me up, gets me food a lot of the times but i never do things like that for him (i occassionally cook for him and then make him do the dishes). i appreciate all of this but i reallt wish my partner had some social life out of me. i wanna be with someone who would support me going on solo trips but he used to get very upset when i say im going away somewhere for some time (like going to my aunt’s place 12 hrs away).
theres also one thing im confused about. idk whats wrong with me, i feel like im attracted to other men as well. i thought i was monogamous but if i start to think that my partner is kissing someone else, it makes me upset so i just end feeling like a horrible b*tch instead that i cant stay attracted to one partner.
pls give me some advice, anything.
5 comments
Sounds like you’re done with the relationship, so be done with the relationship.
It’s your first relationship. It sounds like you’re having a hard time with understanding how they work. You don’t get to go into a relationship and demand that the other person change to do things the way you want them to because you “just like things being done your way.” Everyone would prefer for things to be done their way. But in a relationship, you have to compromise. Being uncompromising will tank every relationship you have.
Overall it seems like you’re both unhappy in the relationship, and now your eyes are starting to wander. Both of you need to do some serious reflection on whether or not you’re compatible, because based on how you’re basically trying to change everything about how he lives his life day to day, and how he makes you feel patronized and controlled, it seems like you’re not.
ETA bc I accidentally pushed the post button too soon: Being in a relationship with someone who has no social life can be exhausting. It’s unfair and codependent to make someone your sole source of companionship and entertainment. I think you’re valid for being tired of that. This is your first relationship. You’re still figuring out what it means to be in a relationship. And that comes with experience! So don’t feel bad if you have to end it. It’s not about either one of you being a bad person. It’s often the case that two good people just aren’t a good fit for each other.
You’re not happy and you clearly don’t know how a relationship works. You can’t demand people to go doing something because no one grew up the same way you did. Being in a relationship means patience it means growing with them, learning how each one lives IN THEIR OWN WAY. He seems controlling and it sounds like you don’t like the way he breathes. Break up with him. Don’t waste each others time
You are attracted to other men and to your own admission you are mostly unprepared to do anything to make your current boyfriend actually happy.
Put the poor bloke out of his misery and let him be with someone who wants to be with him.
You are only torturing yourself over this because you don’t want to hurt him (which is only natural).
But your mind is already made up.
If you ever think you want to break up with him, it means you should break up with him. It’s perfectly normal to outgrow your first relationship. And it doesn’t seem like you are getting what you want/need from this relationship. It’s okay to end it.