Apologies for the long post, but here it is:
I (28, bisexual woman) have been happily married to my partner for 3 years and together for 8. About 1.5 years ago my partner came out to me as MtF (she is also bi). I am very open to all queer identities, but this came as a bit of a shock to me in my own marriage. Since then, my partner has started to dress more femininely (long hair too). (Providing this all as backstory.)
We have been consensually non-monogamous since we’ve been together, but have not often acted on it. However, about a month ago I ended up having awesome sex with this 19yr old guy I met some time ago. We spent another weekend together and had some of the best sex of my life and have since been sending dirty texts and plan to meet up again next week.
This coincides with that about two months ago I removed my birth control implant (been on since 16). Since then, my libido has been off the charts! I feel like fucking almost every guy I see (which was previously not usual for me).
I’m really happy to feel this level of arousal again and to keep exploring it. The main issue: I’m not super attracted to my spouse at the moment. I have this crazy sexual energy except with her!
I love her deeply, but at the moment, I just want to fuck all kinds of men. Has anyone been in a similar situation and can provide advice? How can I direct some of this crazy energy towards her?
2 comments
Prior to hooking up with this new person, what level of attraction did you have for your partner?
Especially for couples in open relationships, dating with someone new often times kicks up their libido because of “new relationship energy“. Your body is getting a nice dose of adrenaline because of the novelty of being with a different person. For some people, they’re able to take that increased sexual energy and redirected back to their primary partner but another cases, perhaps like yours, that heightened excitement is really reserved for the new partners.
That’s why I was asking what the state of your attraction was to your partner previous. I don’t think it’s controversial to suggest that being involved with someone who transitions often times leads to a loss in attraction because people were more attracted to the gender presentation of their partner when they first met them as opposed to what they transitioned to. But again, we don’t really know what happened in your situation
Perhaps your hormonal changes have given you a very strong attraction to the masculine that you aren’t getting at home. Definitely worth a discussion with your spouse. It might be you just have to “ride it out” until/if it passes. I do have to say, this does sound like a rather unique situation. I hope you can figure it out.