My boyfriend and I have been talking about planning a weekend away for a while. We’ve both had a busy stressful month so we were really looking forward to it.
I’ve also been waiting to receive surgery for over a year (not life threatning). The date that the hospital planned the surgery was right before the trip we planned (not booked yet)
Since the surgery isn’t major I decided to book the trip anyways and just hoped to recover on time.
I’ve had the same surgery before and had to stay in the hospital for longer due to rare complications.
Me being naive I assumed I’d recover on time. I discussed all this with my boyfriend, so we booked.
2 days went on and I started to get anxious about complications of the surgery. I didn’t want to risk being abroad and it spoiling our trip. I decided to tell my boyfriend and explained that I still wanted to go, but book the trip shortly before leaving to make sure I didn’t have complications or an infection.
We could still get a full refund so I asked, to which he said no 🙁
We had a discussion over this so we compromised on him paying the stay (around €200) if I couldn’t make it.
Context: the longer you wait the more expensive it gets.
He was upset with me for not thinking it through before booking the trip. He also thought we wouldn’t go at all anymore.
I was upset because I felt like he was being selfish, didn’t understand my concerns and chose to not cancel the trip. Now I feel pressured to go because it’s already paid. How do I adress this with him?
TLDR: boyfriend is upset with me for postponing a trip because I have surgery before the trip
6 comments
He should have taken the full refund. Who the fuck puts his own needs in front of a partners medical needs?
Your boyfriend is whiny, spoiled idiot.
All he had to do was get his money back and, at the very least, pretend that he cared about your well-being.
Such an easy slam dunk, and he tripped all over himself.
Spots like this is where I would take a hard look at your partner for evaluation.
Relationships are going to be full of moments where its “Shit happens” kind of situations.
This would be one of those… In those moments you want someone understandable who can take it in stride.
You tried to plan a trip around your surgery, hoping things would work out… Unfortunately, it was the short end of the stick.
Shit happens.
You attempted to cancel things when it didn’t cost either you of a penny. That is the most logical solution. And it didn’t fly for him. He rather make it into an issue.
Any normal functional partner would tell you:
>Dam, that sucks. But understandable. We can rebook it for another time. Lets make sure your health is taken care of.
This is a spot where your partner revealed their underlying character… They’re going to make situations about themselves, when it should have been made about you.
These kind of things tend to extend beyond this one situation, you’re likely to find this behaviour in other areas in your relationship, someone whose difficult to work with… Meaning… It might be time to take a hard look at the quality of your partner and see if its something you want long term.
Is it in your name? Cancel the trip yourself. If its in his, tell him you aren’t going so he can either go by himself if youre not well or cancel and miss out on a refund.
If you’re flying, you may need medical clearance before being allowed on the plane. There are a number of risks with blood clots and flying post-surgery. If you have travel insurance, you may not be covered for any admissions/treatments if you don’t disclose you had surgery 2 days before departing.
Your boyfriend should’ve canceled for a full refund and you never should’ve booked a trip that close to having surgery. But ultimately your health comes first.
There is something I don’t understand here
It seems like you have the option to go on the trip a bit later? Or did i read this wrong?
Why not book the trip like 2 weeks (or longer) after your surgery?
Why book it immediately after your surgery? Especially since you already had complications before…
Don’t get me wrong, if you could get your money back you should cancel.
I just don’t understand why it was booked like this in the first place