I’m (30m) married to my wife (30F). Anytime she’s away for work for a period of time longer than one day, I have noticed that I’m a lot happier, smilier, more motivated, and I also feel like I can breath again and not have this slight suffocating feeling. For example, I can do everything around the house to maintain it and not feel exhausted, instead I feel motivated to do so, but when my wife is here I feel unmotivated and exhausted mentally.
I need advise.
tl;dr noticed my mental health improve when partner is away, is this normal?
11 comments
What about her makes you feel bad?
Sometimes due to having some alone time we have more energy its normal, but feeling bad when you’re with your significant other is not a good sign
You’re an introvert – the real kind, not the reddit kind. You need alone time to recharge. Lot’s of people think ‘alone time’ means “not at a party or a bar or a baseball game, but at home with loved ones,” but that isn’t true for everyone. Lots of people – myself included – need ALONE time.
Situational awareness, critical thinking, art of deduction, and mental/physical resilience. Your lack of skillset is complicating your life. While your deficiencies take you down this path, while you spend all day justifying why you persevere and tolerate.
Sounds like you and your wife may need to see a couples therapist. Letting something like this continue will only exacerbate the issue. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship where you’re in a constant state of excited for her to leave.
Yes I felt the same.
What I’m doing about it:
I am in the process of finding somewhere else to live.
OP do you feel as though when you’re home with your wife you’re not able to do/say the things you want to do/say? Do you feel like you have to constantly change your behaviour to match what your wife expects? Are you feeling a sense of freedom, a chance for you to be yourself and finally you can live the way you want to live?
It might not be specifically your wife, this could really happen for anyone who spends long periods of time with you. This doesn’t mean you love your wife any less, but it means you’re finally giving yourself the alone time you need.
I’m no expert but I find that habits make a lot of difference. If I were you, I’d try to create new habits. It might be a situation that can be solved that simply.
Go a month or two forcing yourself to be more helpful around the house and see how you feel after. With and without your wife around.
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Sounds like you have trouble establishing your own space (maybe just mentally but possibly also literally). Obviously none of us here can seriously analyze this perfectly, but I guess there is a chance that you see the things you now did easily around the house as something you do for yourself and as a mandatory chore to avoid trouble when the wife is around. If that applies it might be worth looking into why you see her more as a source of trouble rather than your “first officer”.
You and your wife have grown apart.
You can either both put in the work to grow together again or move on. There is no easy path to keep things together.
It is very normal when you understand that she is a burden to you and is the one causing you your home stress.