I’m 29M, been on and off dating apps for years (between romantic relationships) I’ve been a lot more careful lately, I tend to meet for something more active, a walk, a coffee, if alchohol, just a swift one, not a full on night out.
First dates, always make us feel super high, I get it, but, I like to sleep on it afterwards, don’t get me wrong, I have a high sex drive but, I want to meet someone and for it to turn into something special, and I’ve had sex on the first/second date before and then they always have some kind of existential crisis afterwards and see me as a ‘fuckboy’ yet, when I politely say no to going back to theirs or them coming back to mine, they get really offended and insecure.
No judgement on people who have casual sex, one night stands etc… I’ve been one of those people before especially when I’m on the rebound, but, I don’t want that anymore, I want someone to settle down with, go on adventures with, get married etc.
How can I continue to be assetive but also be considerate?
23 comments
To be honest, you’ll find the right person keeping to your methods. The right person wouldn’t push past it. As long as your transparent about it, I don’t see anything wrong. It’s no different than a girl saying no.
I feel like if you explain it just the way you have now you shouldn’t have any issues. You may have secondary conversations if you choose not to date the girl again since waiting is just postponing rejection if you chose not to move forward. You don’t owe anyone you just met a ton but it seems you care and want to at least make sure you’re not an ass so you should be fine. (Cant please everyone though)
Stand your ground, they be aight. Be great Bruh ain’t nothing wrong with making them sweat. Make’em work for it, then swerve on them thank you but no thanks.
You can never turn a single woman down for sex without offending her. There’s nothing you can say that will make it ok.
It’s your choice to do so. If you feel it’s important to wait for sex- that’s your choice. Don’t let anyone tell you different. If they’re offended, that just means they weren’t the one for you. You’ll find someone who appreciates your view and patience.
It’s nice to see a man thinks this way because every time I go on a first date, they try to have sex with me. It’s disappointing
Dont do anything you’re unconfortable with. Maybe you can avoid the situation which can be somewhat humiliating by saying before hand you wont sleep with her that night. I dont mena litterally but at some point in the late saying that you have somewhere to be early in the morning but so you wont get home too late but also start planning another date so it’s taken as a rejection. Maybe you could also plan dates on the afternoon wfere it is less expected that it will come to sex at the end
Sounds like you really know who you are & that’s very impressive. Keep thinking as you do & understand those who cannot deal with your stance have a them problem. You are a stand up guy. Best wishes.
You’re just going to have to be okay that some people will get offended. It’s not worth sacrificing your principles over
It sucks, but it is what it is. Unfortunately my (anecdotal) experience has been that a surprising number of women get offended or hurt when sex is rejected.
Some people hold double standards and set you up to be the bad guy no matter what. These are garbage people and not worthy of you anyways
there’s nothing to overcome. no is no. don’t let them pressure you, the right person will be respectful and understand.
So, I’ve [35M] run into this a little bit too. One thing that a woman [33F] did with me before we met she just straight up asked, “What are you looking for?” I was upfront and honest and told her I was looking for a partner and not something casual. She responded say, “Okay, cool. It’s sounds like we’re on the same page. I’ve been single for 3 years, but not celibate. I would like to build a connection with someone before things get too physical.”
We went on 3 dates with a LOT of really hot making out. We would have to stop ourselves as things would quickly escalate. And one or the other would be like, “Okay. We have to stop or I’m going to want to do [X] to you.” And then we’d stop for a while.
The building of sexual tension was intense and once we finally did… that release was phenomenal.
I think the biggest thing you could do to overcome it is to be open and honest. When they ask to go back to your place or you to theirs just be open and vulnerable. Something along the lines of, “I’m having a great time and you are very attractive, but I’d prefer to build a connection with someone before things get physical.” Then a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye before you part ways.
No means No. Find someone who understands that without feeling offended
Dude, if you’re gaming it hard enough to be scoring puss on the first couple dates, please drop me some advice is the DMs and save some chicks for the rest of us. It’s dry out there, boi!
It’s not just on you – it’s also the women you’re meeting. I’ve never met a woman that went all existential if we had sex on the first or second date, and only a handful that got weird if I told them I wasn’t comfortable having sex yet.
Make it clear before date 1 what you are looking for and that you are taking it slow with the sex. It will screen out many of the girls looking for a one night stand or a casual partner.
If someone would want of even expect sex on a first few dates, we would not be compatible. 28f
YOU SOUND GOOD LOOKING.
App women are ALWAYS gonna think “fuckboi OR I’ll convert him to Boyfriend VIA fucking.”
When you tell them no, take the scenic route – MANY OF THOSE WOMEN DON’T HAVE “SCenic route” Game.
Meaning they did not have what you were looking for anyway,
So don’t feel bad about letting them move on.
Alot of women wanting to sleep with you on the first date is a GOOD thing.
Telling the MAJORITY OF THEM NO is even BETTER.
Cheers to your inverted problems!
Let the Trash take itself out!
Are you up front with what you want? Do you explicitly tell them that you don’t have sex on the first few dates? If so, then these girls just aren’t for you and if they get offended then so be it.
Stick to your guns. You will find someone who shares your values.
You don’t overcome this. They do.
I am the same as you man. it’s weird, every ONS i’ve had turned into a decent 6Mth + relationship. I dont enjoy just fucking someone. I need a sense of genuine connection.
This my sharing about your problem,no need to worry about it if they got angry if you reject them and it’s your choice and it’s your life,the two of you just having fun no attachment involve so it’s just okey.And about that she ask you for her financial crisis,what if she don’t have a choice too.And your the one can help her and what if she really need it badly example for her family or an emergency something like that situation.If you don’t want anymore and want to have relationship and get married so stop your old habit like seeing your girls.You know the right girl for you it well come and in the right time.Just be patience.For me don’t find the love ,let the love finds you.I know you can find it,I sense that your kind and considerate person because you care about other’s feelings.I hope the one I share can help you😄