I’m always anxious that people are talking about me behind my back, and I just don’t wanna care anymore. I know It’s easier said than done, but I need tips on how to block out the noise.

37 comments

  1. No point worrying about something that may not happen.

    And if it does, try not to give a fuck, well easier said than done of course….

    So, be weary who you divulge information to such as those who talk about others to you in a negative manor.

    But most importantly, don’t bitch about people to anyone as you’ll find people are being friendly behind your back.

  2. Don’t give a F. you know your own value. others just talking others to distract themselves from their flaws

  3. Just in case you thought of it: Don’t try to get back at them back talking about them behind their backs.

    You will naturally care for what people say or think about you. That is human nature. So the best way I have seen is getting out of the environment where you know people talk like that about you. Even ask your friends to not tell you when someone talks like that. Because this is a basic human trait that you will feel serious push back if you try to stop it. So just avoid it instead.

    All the best!

  5. Don’t know if it’s related with age, but me in my late 20s now can comfortably deal with this than in my early 20s and younger. Secondly, I came to terms with being talked shit behind my back is a GIVEN as long as I participate in socializing.

    It’s similar to asking “Will I step on something dirty if I go outside?” and the answer is yes. Basically, we can minize the chances but can’t prevent it 100% from happening. But we’ll do it anyway while accepting the risks, *because the benefits outweight the drawbacks*.

    I used to be so afraid of being talked shit behind my back because I got into depression due to my close group of “friends” doing so, which shattered my belief in our friendship. I then changed my approach when I started going to uni: only choose safe topics, hiding controversial opinions… to avoid getting into conflicts.

    The result? I had ZERO friend and all 5 years I’ve spent in uni was a BLANK MEMORY. I don’t even remember what I’ve done in those years except for going to classes, going home and playing video game. For me, the feeling of emptiness or the realization that 5 years went by without my being aware of it scared me way more than having some people talk bad behind me.

    Thinking back to it, I strongly believe that as long as I was willing to take some “loss” (being talked bad, being dismissed by some…), I’d at least NET some “gain” (being better at socializing, having a few genuine relationship). But I didn’t, so I get nothing in return.

    Thanks fucking god I’ve decided to change (once again) in my adulthood and now my social life has been better than ever.

  6. Look, I get it. Sometimes it’s hard not to let that fear of what others might say get to you. But here’s the thing, most of the time people aren’t even thinking about you as much as you think they are. Focus on building your confidence and valuing your own opinions. The more secure you are within yourself, the less those whispers will bother you. Don’t give the haters any power over you. Keep doing your thing and let the rest slide off like water on a duck’s back. You got this!

  8. I had some issues a while back which were associated with something over which I had no control. My solution was to find a project that interested me and start planning it in my mind. Every time my thoughts drifted to the painful subject, I’d mentally pick up that project again and focus intently on the issues involved in making it happen. Actively not thinking about something is only thinking about it under a different guise. You can displace the thoughts be having a topic which interests you and you can focus on to the exclusion of all else. Doing that helped me stop picking at the issue that was bothering me.

    Another angle is to build more friendships and work on your self-confidence to the point where you know that in the unlikely event someone is talking behind your back and someone actually listened, you wouldn’t care because you know your worth and have lots of other friends.

  9. You start realizing that a lot of people around you are clown fools themselves and that it would be rich if they said anything about you before looking in a mirror.

    Not entirely joking. I’m not saying go around hating people, but the insecurity can come from a place of acknowledging your own flaws but minimizing the flaws of others. You can mitigate that by acknowledging the flaws of others as much as you acknowledge your own.

  10. For me, it was realizing two things:

    1. That sometimes, it’s gonna happen. Sometimes, it’s not. It’s completely out of your control. There’s no real point in worrying about things you can’t really control (I’m still working on this myself in some ways).

    2. What people say doesn’t really matter unless you let it bother you. If someone talks shit about you, that doesn’t mean it’s true. Perception of reality does not equal actual reality. So even IF someone talks shit about you, it’ll only be true if you perceive it to be true. That’s the way I see it.

  11. Ask yourself “What’s the worst that could happen if someone did talk shit behind my back?” Like…literally, what’s the worst that could happen? Someone says something about you. So what?

  12. I’ve done a lot of counselling. It has gotten me to a point where I know myself very well. Which means that I know the shit that I am bad at, and the shit that I am good at.

    So there is nothing true that anyone could say behind my back that they couldn’t say to me, that I wouldn’t agree with, and most of it, laugh at.

    The thing with critical people is that they are often correct. This is because they spend all their time looking at failures in other people’s lives, so that they don’t have to pay attention to their own.

    Let go. Accept that you aren’t perfect. Choose the things that you want to get better at. Learn how to be good at those things. The things that you aren’t good at, that you don’t want to change, laugh about.

    Things that I am good at : making people laugh

    I’m a very good at Public speaking

    Problem solving

    Fixing things (I make my living as a handyman)

    Helping people. I sat down on a bench this morning, had some time to kill, told the young woman next to me on the bench about a bunch of resources to help her get her start up going. Probably changed her life.

    I am good at connecting people to people who can help them.

    Things I am shit at :

    I dance like a rooster on acid. But I have a lot of fun on the dance floor, despite having no sense of rhythm.

    My sense of humour is weird, and sometimes I confuse people with it.

    I’m quite disorganised.

    I have a severe visual literacy impairment. I can’t see what is wrong with things like websites and graphics that are obvious to my friends who are graphic designers.

    I have no sense of style. Like I couldn’t dress well to save my life. I’ve dealt with this by wearing Hawaiian shirts.

    Make the same list. Decide if you want to get better at any of the things on the “not good” list. I wanted to be better at public speaking, so I joined toastmasters and attended regularly for four years.

    No amount of dancing lessons will give me rhythm.

  13. They’re talking at your back because that’s where they belong, AT YOUR BACK. As long as they’re not harming you, don’t mind them. You are only damaging yourself and your mental health. They’re not worth your time.

  14. With age.. you must be young. You get to a point where those things don’t matter and you don’t give a fuck. Nobody needs to talk shit bout anyone who’s just working, engaged and has 1 year old child.

  15. I understand how difficult it may be to filter out such noises since I have experienced it myself.

    I tried all I could to tune out those noises and stop caring about those folks who constantly trashed me, but nothing worked. Then one day I had an idea, and it worked.

    The idea is as follows:

    Always remind yourself that what other people think or say about you is not their concern. If you begin to believe someone else’s perception of you, you are doing the most harm to yourself. You must stop letting the views of others affect you. I’m certain, like myself, that no one would ever want to hurt themselves because of someone else.

  16. Do these three things:

    1. Never talk about someone else behind their back

    2. Stop friends and colleagues from talking about other people as well (don’t participate)

    3. Remove toxic people from your life

  17. “What people think about you is none of your business”, because ultimately it’s not, nor should their opinions matter. If you’re getting mocked for some reason then that could possibly mean you’re just being yourself in full. And rather trying to play it safe and you put yourself in a predicament that could give them a reason to say something malicious behind your back, then you find out? Awesome, you now got blessed with knowing their true colors and can distance them from your life sooner than later :).

    Doing you will be the best thing you could ever do because those who won’t mesh with you and potentially have toxic traits will be outed faster, and people with true connection potential come into your life just as fast. Honestly is any bad situation now going to matter in 5 years (minus prison, lol)? Prolly not, so don’t spend 5 minutes worrying about the little things. It’s your life, live the way you want :).

  18. Here’s my take on this, I treat everyone the same and I don’t talk about people behind their back as a core principle. If they talk about me behind my back they aren’t people I want in my inner circle anyway and therefore don’t care what they say.

    Basically treat others the way you want to be treated and if they don’t treat you in kind then recognize they aren’t your friend anyway and don’t respect you.

  19. Someone taught me a good skill at one point but requires belief in something after death.

    Basically, he said that he pretends that at the end of life, he imagines that he snaps back into real consciousness, and realizes that he was just part of a play. All the participants take a bow, and the crowd cheers. All the negative things that occur are just part of the story development, but those negative things remain only in the story, but not the truth of the reality.

    So, recognize that all these problems, big or small, are there to develop your character. The people who may do you wrong or right will understand the role they played, but since it is just a story, people will respect their parts and acknowledge the good and the bad that influenced others. But you all still hold hands in the end and take a bow to adoring spectators who are proud of the courage you had to take a role in the play in the first place.

    I’m not sure if I described that well enough, so let me know and I can try to elaborate better

  20. The assumption that whispers and laughs are about you is a type of self-involvement. Most people are incredibly self-involved. So self-involved, in fact, that their whispers and laughs are more often about them than whatever it is they’re whispering and laughing about.

    As for practical advice, make sure you’re not talking shit about others behind their backs. If it does end up happening to you, you’ll have ammo to fight back with plus it’s a good practice anyway

  21. It does happen. Become ok with that. Assign your own worth every day. Let people think and say what they want, the more you confirm your own worth and know who you are and know your character, the less it will matter to you. It takes time but you can work on this every day.

  22. Today I had an anxiety about people at work talking about me but then I remembered “hey, they’re people with their own lives, I’m the main character of mine and mine alone”

    If that didn’t help I got homework to do today and stressing about it. I can only *imagine* what others have to stress about themselves, they aren’t stressing about me😂

  23. you can block it out by just thinking about how to turn their taking behind your back to envy you, JUST TRY TO BE COOL, then all what they would wish is just talking with you. FOCUS ON YOURSELF, try to understand yourself, what you love or hate, what the person you really wanna be! NEVER FORGET, BLOCK ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOUR MOOD WORSE YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD!

  24. I always assume they do talk shit behind my back but it doesn’t really matter because it won’t affect how I feel about myself so it’s really easy to ignore and don’t care about it. Also, I’m probably way harsher to myself than they will ever be.

  25. Say this:
    “Ah, I see you’ve chosen to make me the star of your little gossip show. Here’s a suggestion: Instead of wasting your breath on me, invest it in a hobby or, better yet, a personality upgrade. Meanwhile, I’ll continue being fabulous; it’s a full-time job, you know.”

  26. If you feel like people are talking about you behind your back, it means that you’re the one judging yourself and projecting these thoughts onto other people- making yourself defensive

  27. I use to be like this when I was younger. Learn to be confident that you are worthy of being liked and don’t hang out with jerks!

  28. Done worry about what people think about you fortify your mind, you mind is the controller of your life and your world nothing should ever bother you think higher a good book to start learning is the four agreements amazing short and easy to read it will set you up for the future

  29. I always tell myself that people have their own beliefs as well as values. Whatever they think about other people is actually a reflection of themselves, how they were raised or what kind of environment they were raised in. It’s easier said than done. But I’ve practiced this for so long that I also realized vice versa, whatever I think about the other person is how I feel about myself and so I became more objective about almost everything

  30. I can relate… even when I see football players in a huddle I swear they’re talking about me. Lol jk… kinda. It’s one of those things that you just have to try not to worry about. Be nice and friendly… never say anything in secret that you wouldnt say to someones face.

  31. I’m 43 and I finally now realize . I can’t please everyone everyday. And today isn’t looking good for the hard to please ppl and tomorrow isn’t looking good either .!!!

    Look everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If what they say causes one of your friends to think differently about you then that person wasn’t truly your friend anyway. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen when someone talks shit about you . So is it really that bad ? It’s weeding out the crappy friends for you.

  32. Just remember everyone has their own problems and many people like to throw stones from glass houses. They’re irrelevant to your overall life and it’s a waste of precious energy to concern yourself with them

  33. What ppl say behind your back is none of your business- I forgot who said. Maybe Betty White?

  34. My counselor just told me about Acceptance commitment therapy. I would look into it. I’m not sure if it will help or not but it sounds like one of those things that might. He suggested it for my anxiety and my hypochondria. So best of luck to you those impeding thoughts suck.

  35. If they do… then they’re not the people you care about having an opinion.

    Why would you care about someone you didnt like disliking you?

  36. No matter what you,where you go or how you do things in the future people will always talk shit. The best way to stop being afraid has been mentioned but I’ll elaborate… know your value and worth with all you do. Seriously, it only effects you if you devalue yourself

  37. Just accept the fact that they have, will, and will always and you’re good. No use using mental energy over something you can’t control.

    Tell yourself “so what if they’re talking shit, someone’s probably talking shit about them too!” Honestly, no one is free from criticism, you are not, and do not, need to be perfect.

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