This relationship is mine (18m) and my Girlfriends (18f) first proper relationship, and we are planning for it to be an actual long term one, we know that those are rare and we sometimes have doubts about them but we are trying for it nonetheless, I know it sounds dumb and naive considering our ages. Right now we have been together for 2 months but we have planned to get into a relationship with each other since we met as we just clicked instantly as strange as that may sound. Either way I know that this is our honeymoon phase right now and that the “Great leap forward” that is ahead wont be an easy one, and I have been raising that concern with her and she is understanding. I wish to know however what to expect, I want us to grow closer and achieve our dream. I am at university right now and she is starting one next year (shes a few months younger than me), right now its a medium distance relationship it seems. We have had a few clashes before but we have gone through them and we have learned from those experiences. I dont know if this might help the information but regarding our sexual life we are religious and are waiting to have sex during marriage rather than before but might be down for some other experimenting in the mean time.
So what should I expect? I know there will be fights here and there and its the time where most couples break up and I really dont want that. What should we do in this situation and how does the relationship survive it?
2 comments
You can only do your best and try to see things from their pov although I’m gonna be real and say most of these don’t work out bc people change a lot moving into their 20s and beyond. I’m not saying be scared of it but I just want you to know to make sure u care for urself just in case because that’s what will hurt you the most believing it could never happen. Make sure you do what u can for ur partner but work on urself to make sure they still see you in a positive light because while doing things for them is important how they see you and how u see urself is important. And COMMUNICATE and make sure she communicates and knows it’s always ok to talk without being scared and just enjoy every moment with them. I hope it works out for u but just do your best if you’re trying then you can’t have any regrets either way. And don’t expect you or her to be perfect just make sure u learn from anything you can.
Most serious relationship problems occur when small problems go unaddressed for too long and start to fester. My advice is to have a dedicated “check-in” time once a week (or once a month, whatever works for you) where you specifically sit down and talk non-judgementally about any issues. This includes both relationship issues and outside issues that might be causing problems. If it feels hard to talk about those kinds of things at first (which it probably will), you can even use a predetermined list of prompts to get you started.
A generic example of weekly questions be:
1. How are you feeling this week?
2. What’s stressing you out most right now?
3. Has your partner been helping your stress this week or making it worse?
4. Has your partner done anything to hurt your feelings this week?
5. What’s the most annoying thing your partner has done lately?
6. What can your partner do to make next week better?
And then you always want to reverse those questions and end on a good note by asking things like *What was your favorite thing your partner did this week?* and *What do you think is the best part of your relationship right now?* and *What do you appreciate most about your partner?*
It doesn’t always have to be that structured, if you get used to check-ins, it becomes second nature to just talk about things and clear the air. As long as you’re being honest with each other, validating each other’s emotions, approaching issues as a team, and ending with gratitude, you’re doing it right.