I’m trying to understand my husband’s communication style towards me and what it might mean. Here is an example of an argument we had last night, regarding baby names for our 2nd child:
Me: I love the name William [my husband’s legal name], it’s also my grandfather’s name and my dad’s middle name, so that would be cool.
Him: I hate my name, no. I don’t like it at all.
Me: Ok ok, we will have to figure out a different name.
Him: Robert? [his dad’s name]
Me: No, I’ve already said how much I hate that name.
Him: Well, too bad [completely serious]
Me: Huh?
Him: I said too bad.
Me: [still confused]
Him: I’m doing the same thing you just did to me. It’s not fair that you can just say no to a name and that’s that. It’s important to me to use my dad’s name.
So, my question is less about baby names, but more about how dismissive he is of my opinion, and I think possibly how he tries to like, assert dominance over me? Is this normal? Am I missing something?
TL;DR – I’m worried that my husband’s disregard for my opinions may be a sign of deeper problems in our marriage.
4 comments
Hell no. You get to both agree on the name, if anything you have more say growing it but that mentality of his is concerning and controlling. Do couples counseling even though it may seem silly over this type of thing. You need validation that he’s being odd. Also no baby/kid wants to be named Robert 😂 it’s not like a cool name or something. Maybe an alteration of the name for a new name like Robin or a name with the same meaning but entirely different. Also a version of William is Liam maybe he’d like that?
Wtf I get annoy triggered just by reading this. He sounds so contrarian to you. Omg…
There’s no logic whatsoever. So disrespectful. What’s his deal?
There could be many possibilities. He needs to see a therapist, a good therapist.
I’d be so mad and cussing him out if my partner talked to me like that. Just stfu… You can’t talk to people like that and not expect your ass being thrown out.
From reading this I think you and I are very similar. He had already expressed to you he does not like that name and you suggested it again knowing he doesn’t want it so he did the same thing back to you. I have done this and had my husband do it to back to me as well. I honestly don’t think it’s about the subject at hand it’s about how I make him feel. When he does back to me it hurts and then he says “that’s what you just did to me” it helps me see it from his perspective. Granted in this case i think your husband was a bit harsher then you were but I understand what he’s trying to convey. Don’t think it’s that he doesn’t care about your opinion I think it’s that he feels like you don’t care about his.
Sounds as if he trying to tell you that he doesn’t like the fact that you outright vetoed a name he suggested. His way of communicating this, however, is passive-aggressive and immature.
You suggested a name and he doesn’t like it. He suggests a name and you say you hate it. It sounds as if he was vaguely open to the name you suggested, but wanted to be convinced. It sounds as if you flat-out refused to discuss the name he likes. Maybe this is a part of his passive-aggressive communication. But in this scenario, you both seem unable or unwilling to entertain a compromise.
It looks like you two have a serious communication problem. This conversation is kind of exhausting. But he is being the aggressor here, even though he’s acting like a child. You did also dismiss his opinion too, though.