I have been hooking up with this guy call him Rob for 9 months on and off. Rob and I have a great physical connection, emotionally as I got to know the real him I don’t think we would mesh we see the world really differently. Though, I do sometimes catch myself imagining life with him.
Now this was all on me, I know I asked him about his dating life because I saw that he went to a Michelin star restaurant, there was no woman in the shot but I assumed it was. He tells me that it was good food but soo expensive and then tells me that his date was on her phone and that he was really annoyed. I just felt a lot of emotions because when we first met up we were supposed to meet up at a cocktail bar but then he said he was busy with work and if I still want to meet up I can go to his house.
And from there we never went on a date just over his house. I don’t know I felt like I was being used, just felt really cheap. And I think because she was uninterested in him made it even more insulting. Like there’s one thing when a guy is cheap but way more insulting when he is only cheap with you.
I don’t know right now, I hate dating and Rob was that one sliver of light but now I feel like a clown, I looked up this girl and she was pretty but honestly her life just looked so curated that I think she is trying to put up an image.
I don’t think they are still seeing each other. What do I do here? Do I say anything to him? Also should I ask him why is he messing with woman so much younger than him? He says he likes a really smart and put together woman but then he is going for women right out of college.
**tl;dr- fwb complained to me about his dating life, he made me feel really cheap.**
18 comments
If you are jealous of an FWB, your best move is to break it off and go find somebody you’d like to have sex with AND you match with in terms of values and world views. You can’t fuck him into a different man, so if you really like him and are looking for something more serious, you need to go find it elsewhere.
If you are looking for something long term, being someones late night booty call is usually an automatic exclusion for most guys.
Why wouldn’t he date younger women? Most have less damage, and aren’t so stressed to start a family and force him to settle down.
If you actually looking to date seriously, you should be honest with him. He either sees you as long term material or he doesn’t.
Are you friends with benefits with him or dating? If it’s fwb, as you say, why would you expect a fancy date? If you want to be dating him but are only fwb, then consider whether you want to keep being fwb at all. You might be happier just ending it.
A guy just isn’t going to wine and dine a woman he doesn’t see himself having a relationship with. Also, many guys can do a pretty good job of separating sex and relationships. He just doesn’t see you that way. I wouldn’t take it as an insult…. would you expect your best female friend to wine and dine you on a fancy date? Why should he?
I don’t understand why you would want him to either if he’s just a hookup, unless you want more? If you want more… you’re in the danger zone…
Might be time to stop the fwb arrangement so you can move on and get back into dating. It sounds like you know things aren’t going anywhere with this guy.
You’re a FWB, he’s not trying to date you and by getting into a FWB thing with him, you’re not trying to date *him*. You’re feeling cheap because you want him to treat this like a relationship and it’s not. If you just wanted a good time, you wouldn’t care.
This is your sign from the universe that this isn’t working for you anymore. Go find a guy who will treat you they way you want to be treated and wants what you want – which is not a FWB.
Why should he treat you like a girlfriend if that’s not what you want from him?
I can understand how you feel. You’re not getting wined and dined at fancy restaurants, you’re putting in the sweaty work, and extending your time and effort and getting nothing back except sex. It sounds like you’re engaging in emotional intimacy with this person and he’s taking it but doesn’t want you. Is still looking for something “better”.. It is insulting and it always will be. You’d be better off to walk away from this FWB.
You’re getting your wires crossed here.
First, you guys are FWB. You aren’t dating, so why would you expect him to wine and dine you?
Second, he went on a date with a young 23 year old woman. Was it rude she was on her phone? Maybe. Who cares though, because it was her date, not yours. Maybe he’s a garbage date, boring, and talks about himself the whole time.
Why do you care so much for this young lady’s supposedly curated social media? Well, I know, but do you?
You really know what’s going on here: you are jealous. You thought that maybe you might be the person going to nice restaurant on a date, even though you say you hate dating.
I don’t think you have any right to criticize him dating someone younger because I could easily say “look at this loser woman, she’s FWB with a dude who won’t even buy her dinner and dates younger women.” See, it’s not nice is it?
You just need to decide what you want, rather than fixating on this young woman for not affecting you in any way. This is all your own insecurities.
It sounds like this FWB arrangement isn’t for you. You should break it off before you get more emotionally attached.
If you feel cheap and used, you’re probably being used. You aren’t stuck though, so leave. I get how you feel, but this is kinda what you signed up for by going to his house on the first date— if you have low standards, don’t expect someone to try harder than they need when it’s just sex. Use this as a learning experience for what you expect from potential partners going forward.
What I’m trying to say is, you should set your standards based on what YOU need/are comfortable with. It should not matter what someone is doing for another person. If you want to be wined and dined, then require it, but if you don’t then you also can’t be mad if he does it for someone else. You’re a booty call. I don’t mean to be harsh, but understand what this is, and it isn’t much. You have no right to comment on a grown adult taking another grown adult out on a date.
FWB is what it is which is – a fun time but not a relationship. If he’s telling you about other dates and you don’t go out on dates then he simply doesn’t see you as ‘datable’. You can really enjoy McDonalds and it hits a spot, but not want it to be what you serve for supper.
If you want or expect more it’s time to pull back and if he misses you he’ll up his game.
You’re friends with benefits.
The “benefits”, unless otherwise negotiated, comprise you having sex together.
If you want other “benefits” e.g. your friend taking you to Michelin star restaurants, then that’s that’s an entirely different sort of relationship, which could be either
1. a loving, romantic and sexual relationship if you both feel that way about each other, or
2. a “financial transaction” which is the politest euphemism I can think of, in that he’s buying you an expensive meal in return for your fucking him.
Honestly?
It sounds to me as if he sees you purely as a “friend with benefits”, and that’s not what you want at all.
Maybe have a think about what you really want from your relationships, because it doesn’t sounds as if “sex” is all you want out of them. To be fair, I expect far more from my relationships too, but I get that everyone’s different.
You feel cheap and used by a fwb? Shocker
It’s pretty obvious you want a relationship with this guy and he’s not looking for that with you. I think it would be best for you to move on.
he’s not dating you, why would he treat you to an expensive date? why is it his fault and why are your feelings hurt she ignored him? you are forcing an issue out of nothing here
Respectfully, you’re stepping outside of your lane. You are the fuck buddy. You are not dating. You are not his girlfriend.
Even your tldr is a little unfair here. He did not complain to you about his dating life unprompted; you asked about it and got jealous at the answer.
I think the relationship has run its course. If you feel used or jealous, you’re becoming too vulnerable for a more casual connection. For what it’s worth, I think this was a perfectly fine relationship but now that emotions are getting heightened it may be best to part amicably and move on.