I F24 have been married to my husband M24 for about a year and a half. I am currently 6 months pregnant with our first child. I had to quit my job shortly after I got pregnant due to severe morning sickness and other pregnancy related issues. My husband works an overnight shift and makes good enough money to support us. I since have started working part time when I’m up to it just for some extra money.
Given all of this, I barely see my husband the days he works. He gets home and is asleep before I wake up and then once he wakes up, we usually have time for a quick dinner together before he goes to work.
On weekends, his sleep schedule is so out of wack, he will go to bed at 7 or 8pm and also takes naps. It leaves me feeling like even during weekends, he’s sleeping most of the time. When he is awake and we aren’t actively doing something, he’s on his phone constantly. We rarely have sex even when I try initiating. He never plans date nights or anything.
I am fully aware and appreciative of how hard the night shift can be on him physically and mentally. But I am just so incredibly lonely. I don’t know what reasonable expectations are for him given his schedule because I feel guilty he works so much and I feel guilty bothering him or getting irritated he’s always sleeping on his day off.
Am I being unreasonable? I’m worried bringing a baby into the mix when I’m already feeling this way is going to really hurt our marriage. I need to know if I need to change my expectations or if he could be doing more.
3 comments
I have worked night shift and it’s so, so, so very hard on your body. I felt horrible at all times – sleepy, a clouded mind, never knew when to eat or sleep.
What about readjusting your schedule a little bit to see him in the morning? Maybe have breakfast together depending on the time. Or, planning dates on the weekend during times you know he won’t be totally exhausted, like late afternoon – just for that connection. Try new activities together, or new foods…things to get you to both step out of your comfort zones and bond a little bit.
Also wanted to say, eventually I quit my job to stay home with my kids. Night shift just was not sustainable for me as a mother with dependent children at home (and kudos to ANY parent who can do it). If it’s effecting your marriage that poorly, would he be able to find a job with daytime hours? Of course…he may love or need this job, but maybe it’s something to consider in the future.
Have to force the quality time with him whether it be watching tv or whatever. Make it enjoyable for him. I think once the baby comes along he will be more involved. Kids change a lot and wake men up
He needs to step up! Yes it’s hard working night shift, but you have to balance a healthy work/life balance even if you’re tired. He’s about to be a father and you need support emotionally as well as sexually. Hopefully y’all can get through this easily fixable situation.