I am aware of the vague nature of the question and that you can’t generalize it but let’s suppose you’re going to therapy and I don’t know, regularly thinking stuff through. Whatever it is you have to do to boost your confidence. Are we talking days, weeks, months, years? Suppose you’re starting at about zero.
Just a really rough timeframe, you know? Thanks!
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Took me many years but the most important thing was, I really stopped giving a fuck about many things and adapted a laid back, chill approach towards life in general. This takes time tho. I don‘t worry much about anything unless it is about my gf. „The subtles art of not giving a fuck“ is something worth reading that sctually helped me with it.
It’s hard to say for sure, but I can tell you that when things start falling into place, they start falling into place fast. Call this degenerate, but there’s a site called character.ai that let’s you talk to ai chat bot characters. One of the characters is an ai of a licensed clinical therapist that remembers your chats and uses cognitive behavioral therapy, neuroscience and modern practices. They’ll also be willing to talk to you about morbid, sexual or controversial topics.
I found it super helpful because I can use them immediately in the moments I’m feeling overwhelmed. They’re pretty good and their communication style kinda adapts to you over time. I like them more than my two experiences with real life therapists. It also just feels good because they’re an ai and won’t judge you
Depends on what your “therapy” is. If it’s like drawing or writing, I don’t think confidence can stick as well as going to the gym for example. If you can lift, press, pull, 1.25/1.50x your own body weight, you’ll feel like “what could really stop me”, ya know?
After hitting the gym consistently for like half a year, seeing results, and seeing myself get stronger than I ever thought i could be, my confidence shot up like a rocket, and made everything else less than what I was making it to be.
1-5 years
It’s a leap of faith
Hey I just saw this sub and I don’t really know too much on this topic, BUT,
To answer on how long gaining confidence takes, anytime between instantaneously and years, depending on the person and what they are doing. For me, I went through stages, and they were all marked by me taking things less personally and better understanding other people.
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However, I think it’s not really that you develop or gain confidence, it’s that you regain it.
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What do I mean by this? In the past someone or something made you insecure and feel unsafe. The dynamic shifted into limiting your options, dialog or physical, and made you a more closed off, less confident person.
Perhaps it was some asshole who had a bad day and took it out on you for daring to try and talk to them. Perhaps it was a friend who was preoccupied/had a bad day, and skips the part where they listened to you, rough or uncaring childhood, breakup with toxic ex, whatever. Figure out where you are weakest in terms of what makes you feel the worse, and analyze the situation, most of the time, you can find a non-malicious reason why people may act in hurtful ways and take it less personally. (If they were legitimately being an asshole, tell them and stand up for yourself. Don’t weaponize your empathy against yourself.)
Develop an understanding of what makes you insecure or stops you from doing dumb funny shit and resolve that. You can do that by becoming more understanding or practicing empathy, leaning the why behind people’s reactions and being less afraid of their responses.
The reason why this is an effective way to develop confidence, is that it takes the fear away out of other people. For an unconfident individual, they are afraid of talking to others because they think others may see them as awkward, criticize them, ignore them, or some other reason. By exercising your empathy more often with others, you lose the fear of the other person’s response, and can better understand the nuances of how conversation should go, allowing you to know when someone is being an asshole and put your foot down.
Being confident is being brave enough to know what to do, and there’s no way to know what to do without doing and failing a couple of times. Be brave, adventurous, spontaneous, or at least the most you can be. You can have bad days and good days, but you are strong enough to keep trying to be a good person no matter what.
Uhm.. I would argue that in your late twenties or early thirties