I have two things….
One:
My husband and I were having a pretty normal conversation.. and the topic moved on to something about social media. He said to me ‘I wanted to see how easy it was to find someone random so I searched a lady (of a similar age) that helped me at the shops (a worker) and found her facebook pretty easily’-
Green flag that he told me… but it also just feels strange?! Am I overreacting?
Two:
We are at the same workplace but I kept my last name.. therefore not everyone knows we’re married but most do. A staff member that didn’t know made comments about him being gay… which I was surprised by. My Husband is very homophobic, and doesn’t have many male friends. When a male friend messages him.. his face lights up.
I kinda want to set him up with a willing stranger to just see (via messaging) if he does take it to another level… but that’s definitely taking it too far isn’t it.
Thanks,
4 comments
Wow OP this is definitely a red flag. 🚩 and not normal by any means. In all honesty you can do as you mentioned and see where things go, but like you he knows he has spoken to you about this stuff and he may be cautious. You can wait some time, not being anything up, and in a few weeks proceed with your plan and see.
Just be mentally prepared for the worst so that down the road you are not disappointed. ☹️ I’m sorry OP
It sounds like his looking up a woman triggered an instinctual suspicion/jealousy response from you. I wouldn’t read too much into it. It’s a natural response but it’s also often wrong. So much is different in our modern techy world that our instincts don’t always handle it well.
As for the strange guy at work you might want to report his comments to HR or your manager or just tell him it’s not ok. It sounds highly inappropriate and likely to create a hostile environment. I wouldn’t mess with him or set anybody up with him though. That just sounds like a bad idea.
Edit: Actually I might have misread what he meant by that comment. If it’s just idle speculation about your husband’s orientation it might not be as bad as I was thinking, and not some sort of reportable offense, just not a particularly good idea for a workplace conversation topic.
Edit 2: wow I misread that second part. You are saying you’re wondering if there’s any truth to the speculation about your husband’s sexual orientation and contemplating running an experiment on him. While I can understand your curiosity on the subject, I think that would be a very inappropriate and even unethical thing to do. That said, it doesn’t necessarily seem wrong to go back to the person who told you he is gay and ask why he thinks that, does he have any evidence etc that you ought to know about. I do think the fact that he is homophobic coupled with somebody telling you out of the blue that he is gay is a real warning sign something may be up here that you want to find out about.
Yeah I don’t see this as a red flag at all. Is it weird he told you? Maybe. I Google stalk everyone I meet so the searching on fb doesn’t seem weird to me at all. I’d honestly be more concerned about his homophobia and no male friends. People who come off as overly homophobic are sometimes hiding things. If he isn’t I’d be still worried about being married to someone so closed minded, but that’s just me.
Can you give examples of the homophobia? I agree with everyone else. Where there’s smoke…
But people also throw around the word homophobia over everything these days so I have to ask.