My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been together for 2 years but sex has gotten pretty boring. What are some fun ways to spice up our relationship?

33 comments

  2. My answer may not be very helpful. I too find standard sex on its own pretty dull.

    But then I’ve also been interested in BDSM since I was just beginning to have sex. What makes it interesting (still) with my significant other is we get into eachothers heads about sex and kink. We talk about what intrigues us, some of the weirder taboo stuff we like, and we incorporate those thoughts and that exploration in our play. I stumbled across an erotic comic artist some years back and shared it with him, and he loved it, and we sometimes browse this stuff together.

    We have also gone to kink clubs, parties, and holiday getaways with a kink/fetish focus like kink night clubs and events, and rope bondage education classes (in North America, West Europe).

    The caveat is that he and I both have these innate interests – not everyone is kinky and you might not be either. But exploring what turns you two on beyond just physical sex acts is probably worth talking about.

  3. Have a conversation about what your real desires are from sex.

    A nice open conversation about likes, dislikes, wants and start to talk about fantasies

    Figure out your comfort zones.

    There’s also apps you can use where you guys can compare your sexual
    Interests
    Download spicer and you guys can compare interests

    Try coral and some other relationships apps that you guys can answer questions and find out what you both like.

    Also reading or watching erotic literature/film

    Get inspiration from those things.

  9. Have a romantic weekend getaway. Visit a sex shop together. Buy her some sexy lingerie, fishnets.

  11. Perhaps begin an engaging political discussion or try a game of charades. While most humans find sex terribly boring-it doesn’t have to be. The wife and I often play Yatzee while in the midst of coitus. Our sex lives have never been better-especially when I win.

  12. What I find makes sex fun for me is enthusiasm.

    We’ve all been raised on the model of consent, on the idea that “No means No.” (It’s concerning to me that, in this day and age, there are still places on this planet where men don’t like this idea, don’t want women to have the right to decline sex because they, the men in question, are lazy slobs who knows they’d never get it if they actually had to work for it, but that’s another matter.) I bring this up because there is a corollary to consent, and you’ll better understand where I’m going if I say the quiet part out loud: “no means no, but anything else means yes.” That’s how we treat consent.

    Enthusiasm is different. Enthusiasm and consent are two separate things and need to be thought about differently from each other. You can have sex that involves consent but does not involve enthusiasm: “Fine, let’s get this over with.” Only one person is going to enjoy that experience. (And, if you have empathy, you won’t enjoy it very much, because your partner’s lack of enjoyment matters to you.)

    So, the first question I’m always going to ask in situations like this, is: what are you doing to lay the groundwork for enthusiasm?

    Some of the best sex advice I’ve seen on here is, “Foreplay begins at breakfast.” This doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be touching your wife’s nipples before you go to work or whatever, it means you should be establishing an emotional mood. To oversimplify, consent is about physical arousal and enthusiasm is about _emotional_ arousal. Everyone needs both to have good sex. So, how are you making your partner feel that she’s emotionally desired? How are you making her feel safe and secure and cared for? And perhaps most importantly, are you doing the things that she says we’ll make her feel that way? Or the things which you think should make her feel that way? The whole point of marriage is learning to adapt to your partner, learning to do the things they want you to do. And yes, you can make the argument that it needs to work both ways: she should be learning how you operate. You wouldn’t be wrong if you said this. The problem is, you can’t _control_ her. You can’t make her choices for her and you can’t tell her what she must do. You can only control yourself. Any plan where step one is to make someone else do something differently has already failed. “Be the change you want to see in the world” is not just uplifting and inspiring advice it’s also an ontological necessity: if you don’t do it, no one will.

  14. Try a little pain. Spanking her, pulling her hair, tweaking her nipples. You might both like it.

  15. Try more weird shit. Make list of fun sounding things you would both be interested in trying. Go through list and either cross things off you didnt enjoy or add notes for exploring those things further if you did. 😊

    Also talk about sex more when outside of the bedroom.

  17. There are apps like Spicer or sites like MojoUpgrade where both of answer questions about things that you want to or don’t want to try and then the answers that you and your partner match on are showed to you both.

  18. Boring sex just at 2 years? Holy shit.

    Buy toys for u both, play with them together, tease eachother…

  20. Roleplay, rough sex, BDSM, dress up, switching things up to keep sex fresh. I like buying different kinds of lingerie and sexy bedroom outfits. I have this red nude mesh thing my partner enjoys.

  21. Play slave girl and gladiator. It may be difficult to get a slave girl outfit in your size at this time of year.

    Date. Go get a pizza and eat it in bed. The crust can make for a wild time.

    Butt plug.

    Expose a breast in public.

    Pee outside together.

    Suggest anal.

    Get a unicorn.

    Go to the truckstop down the road and visit the glory hole.

    Nude Saturdays.

  22. You must learn to spice it up. Have sex in a car or outside or in another room of the house. Try new positions. Do a Yes No Maybe test and find out if you all have common kinks. Then do those.

  24. Communication is key. Sit down and talk to her. Find out if she has kinks or fantasies that you don’t know about and vice versa. Then go from there.

  25. Communication is number one. It can be hard to talk with someone you love about kinks or fantasies. You are never sure if they will reject you and just think your weird.

    For my wife and I we found bringing other guys into the bedroom has kept our sex exciting. Now…. by “into the bedroom” I mean we go to sex clubs and specifically to the areas where there is a hole in the wall, so true anonymous safe sex can take place. Couples are usually permitted to have there own locked booth…. take your wife in there with a box of condoms and see what happens. We love it and there’s no jealous issues as we never see the other guys.

    These booths also exist at most sex toy shops. You ever wonder whats behind the curtain? LOL… its more common than you think.

  27. Find some adderall. Have your wife take 40mg while you take 20. Both of you should take cialis during the fun. Cialis makes the clitoris swell and women absolutely love it. That’s my idea of fun anyways. To each their own.

  29. What immediately comes to mind is play. Sex is how adults play.

    See if you can allow sexy time to be super low stakes, aka low expectations/high possibility.

    Play with things. Talk a lot. Get real and vulnerable. Allow yourself to laugh and eff around.

    Get out mirrors and flashlights and check each other out up close and personal.

    Google a list of sex acts, and each of you mark up that list as:

    * Want done to me
    * Want to do for others
    * Not interested

    Fill those out on your own and then share them. The overlap is your playland for now.

    Know that things will change over time.

    Honestly, there are quite a few really important and helpful skills people have named here. It’s totally fine to seek help learning those things. What I knew about sex at 30 years old… well, let’s just say my education wasn’t great. Sadly, that continues to be true for lots and lots of people. There’s no end to the learning and exploring.

    I have specific things I could point you to, but I hesitate to name them here b/c I don’t want to violate the promotion rules. There are really excellent ways to some education, thanks to the ol’ internet — you just gotta avoid all the shite.

    Last thing I want to say… While there is nothing at all wrong with adding more people to the mix, as has been suggested here a few times, if you both want to do that, doing so from a solid place within your relationship, including really good communication skills and transparency, will help tremendously. If the boring sex is a product of a disconnected or troubled relationship, adding people will not be helpful. Of course, you didn’t indicate how your relationship feels to you, so this may be irrelevant.

    I hope you both get more of what you want.

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