I’m seeking advice to share with my sister (F37), who is the mother of a three children. The oldest (20M) has had multiple legal issues, is currently on probation, and just moved back home because his girlfriend kicked him out of her apartment in another town. The move back to his mom’s required her to pay for a moving truck, replacing his phone that he broke in a rage over the girlfriend, and paying for his SR22 Insurance until he has been employed long enough to pay for it himself. We just had a long conversation about the current issues that my nephew is facing. She is dealing with a lot of her own negative emotions around this: feeling like she coddled or spoiled him; that she is a failure as a parent; fearful that if she doesn’t help him yet again, he will wind up in trouble with his PO and possibly incarcerated.

I’m hoping to give her some advice from others who may be experienced the same situation with young adult children/men – or perhaps this resonates with experiences of readers in this sub who may recognized themselves in my nephew. If that is the case, I am really curious what turned things around for you?

\*\*A version of this query was also posted in r/AskWomenOver40 and it has been slightly edited for clarity and audience\*\*

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