Long, sorry! I have been dating my bf for about 4 years now, living together for 2. We both kept our jobs during the pandemic, however, he has had to work from home and I continued to commute to my job.
He developed severe social anxiety and his ocd has been exacerbated during this whole thing. Maybe even turned him in to a hypochondriac who takes advice from WebMD and refuses to see a real doctor.. I developed depression and anxiety as well. I started therapy about a year ago to fix my baggage and my life has improved with my new/late adhd diagnosis and my medication. So, I want to better myself and get out and socialize more, meet new friends, etc. Possibly even go back to University after dropping out 10 years ago.. He refuses to join me on these outings. I want to do couple things again..
I feel more like a babysitter than a partner. His WFH job was driving him crazy as he was only getting paid for 8hrs a day instead of the 12-14hrs a day because they had layoffs, too. So, I helped him get a new job at my company. (I thought it would help, lol..) More social interaction with nicer people, physical labour, actual time in the Sun?? Yes, plz. His mental health improved, great! … But now he is complaining about our company barely three months in. Silly issues, too and I’ve told him the bosses are aware … And I’ve worked here for 5 years! I have told him that I want to keep my work life and personal life separate and don’t want to hear the daily complaints afterwards… I want to enjoy my time with him without hearing about our work to destress. That’s why I had him hired in a completely different department than mine. To keep some semblance of independence for both of us.
But this isn’t working out. I could type all day and it would range from his extreme clinginess, unable to listen to my set boundaries to unwillingness to see a therapist. Im not an angel, either. I am exhausted mentally and emotionally.
I know he will cry and I’ll be lured back in. We’ve had this issue before and I need advice. I want out. Our lease is up in the end of June. I already have a place to go if I need to.. Im more concerned about my cat, too. Poor girl will miss her cat dad, but my bf needs to figure himself out before dating anyone.
Tl;dr: Need advice on how to break up with bf without being pulled back in because of guilt.
4 comments
sounds like you’ve tried everything honestly. id say if u wanna try it a last time. couple therapy.
if you are 100% sure of leaving then maybe start renting a new place and leave one day and let him know. that way all your stuff is already at your new place. book a day off work to do this and get someone help u to move all your stuff. even a hotel will do. aslong as u know that u dont have to stay back with him and then idk develop feelings or whatever.
​
He may cry or use his mental health issues to keep you in but focus on yourself. You only live once.
If your worried about him crying to you and you coming back just take off work one day and move. Block him on everything and leave a note to please respect your personal space and leave you alone while you sort out yourself. Screen shot your post and if he contacts you just look at it to remind you of why you left. After a breakup you almost always look over the bad things and remember the good and start to think maybe leaving was wrong. It wasn’t, if your to this point then staying is the wrong thing.
You tell yourself that you do this because you are important too.
Do you have friends or family? Let someone you **trust** know of your plan so that you have some emotional support and someone to remind you of why you’re leaving.
There is no way to do it without guilt and pain. Be mentally prepared for it. You are going to hurt him and you are going to have to find a way to bear that cross.
Once you start getting back together again it becomes a pattern so easy. The relief from the pain of the breakup feels so good, like throwing a bucket of water on your burning soul. Once you know how to find that bucket, it becomes harder and harder to not reach out and put out your pain with a couple simple messages. Don’t even go there.
End it, anticipate the guilt and pain, grit your teeth and get through it. It’s literally your only option besides staying with this guy forever. Good luck