Would you marry a rich man (and have a family) or stay where you are (and work the rest of your life)? Which would you choose and why?

For context: I’m 35F, he’s 55M, we’ve known each other seven years, and yes, he *wants* children.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

29 comments

  2. If I loved and liked the rich man and want a family, I’d choose to get married. Don’t marry someone just for money though, I think that would be a miserable life.

  4. Money won’t make you happy. Eventually you will want connection. Maybe if the relationship is good and can be built upon then that would be a better reason to marry him. Otherwise, you will be lonely.

  5. Personally, I’d choose to be with someone who loves me, rather than someone who’s got a lot of money and wants children. It really comes down to being happy vs. being settled and secure. I’d rather be happy.

    If this older man makes you happy, you want children, and you both love each other, then I say go for it. If not, then follow your heart to someone who is a better fit and makes you feel loved. You could always have children with someone else or adopt if that’s what you want too.

  6. Don’t marry him unless you’re resigned to knowing you’ll make yourself and the kid miserable.

  7. I mean, the unspoken thing is that there is a massive unequal power dynamic at play, if you’re okay with that, rock on sister.

  8. Are you in it to raise the kids *possibly* by yourself? If he’s rich, he’s probably busy working. I’m guessing you’ve discussed financing and how you would go about this situation with him? If not, I’d recommend you do that before you make up your mind.

    The pro of settling with someone older is in the interesting life stories they share with you and, hopefully, the supportive community they have around them.

    Also, people will always criticise whoever you choose to be your spouse. It’s a fact of life.

  9. The whole premise that this is your only way/chance to have a family seems way off. It is a big age gap and you’ll be taking care of him while he’s elderly possibly missing out on retirement / golden years fun. And doesn’t sound like there’s love. So I would say no.

  12. Value: Does he have the same value as you, about family, money, religion, politics etc?

    Vision: What do you want and what does he want in the future is the same?

    Lifestyle: workaholic, how to spend time, how to enjoy life, etc.

    You cannot find the one that matches all. At least can you accept it and can grow together.

  13. I wouldn’t. Don’t/didn’t/wouldn’t want have kids, but if I were you, I still wouldn’t marry him without a HUGE safety net of my own. Do you have that?

    There’s nothing wrong with addressing that with him, either. That to feel comfortable you’d need that. If he has money, he’ll damn sure understand that. If he’s willing to set you up with such…an untouchable-by-him fund, available to you on Day 1, that passes your attorney’s review (along with presumably a prenup he’ll want)…it speaks well of intentions. If he gets angry at the suggestion, or starts accusing you of [insert horrible selfish thing], then rest ASSURED it’s a bad idea and you don’t want what he’s really offering.

  15. It is a pointless waste of time to sacrifice yourself to make and raise the child of a man who dragons all his wealth from you with a prenup. You might as well stay working. You have 0 assurance in the event that he leaves you for someone 40 years younger than him in 2 decades, and you’ll have a massive gap in your resume. You will be destitute.

  16. Why the emphasis on him wanting children?

    Make the choice on whether you honestly like him and whether he treats you like a human being.

    My mom married for money, and is THE most miserable person I’ve ever known. But she hangs her hat on being “better”than everyone else cuz she married money. Big f-cking deal if you’re a b1tchy piece of sh!t.

  17. So… you just care about his money and the benefit you get in exchange for birthing a child.

    Make that professional move, then I guess. 🤷‍♂️

  18. If I was someone who just wanted to be taken care of and have an easy life and didn’t care much about that deep soul level type of love but I’m not. If you are then it’s fine I think. As long as you think you’ll be happy and you two can at least have a good companion type of love.

    People have different needs in life you know. You just have to figure out yours.

  20. Do you love him?

    If you don’t, you’re wasting your time, his time, and guaranteeing your kids a lot of confusion and heartbreak.

    If you do love him, then why wouldn’t you get married?

  21. Just a word of caution. Everyone always shits on women having children if they’re older due to increased autism and other birth defect rates, but older men fathering children also increases the risk of many birth defects. Just something to keep in mind

  22. It depends, personally I would do it but we also have to take into account if he treats you well, if he is good husband/father material for your children, if you can trust him in bad times, if you are willing to allow the physical change that comes with being mother and how protected you will be if they get divorced or if he dies, age for me is not an impediment but each has its own obstacles.

  23. Depends on the man. If he’s rich & you’re not, especially if you’re planning on being a SAHM, that’s a huge financial power difference. How is this particular rich man with sharing financial power when he’s the sole or primary earner? Because if he’s planning on you playing a supporting role only, I’d say it’s better to reign in hell than serve in heaven. But if he will view everything you bring to the table as equal to the financial assets he brings to the table and truly consider you a partner, then by all means, go for it. Ask for a prenup to really determine his views. Have your own attorney review it.

  24. Money can’t make you happy, but can buy a comfortable life. One thing to consider with that age difference is you’re almost certain to become his caregiver when he’s 75+. I’ve seen that happen with family friends with a large age difference. To add to that, you could end up being a caregiver to your husband and one/both of your parents at the same time.

  29. Generally unless he inherited most of that wealth, people of that age who are self-made are pretty mature people. They know what they want and how to select a partner.

    They don’t just go around offering to father and start a family with a random woman. He must see that you have compatibilities and values that match his needs well and want to further invest in your relationship.

    So the question really is, do you think that too about him? And would you find peace and have the mental space to personally grow as a stay at home wife and mother?

    If there’s mutual respect and admiration, romantic love can happen. But do you need to be in romantic love, or is it enough to just love him?

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