Hello, my Girlfriend and I are about 5 years into what will most likely be a long term relationship. We are very close outside of our sex life, but inside we have been experiencing some trouble.
I see a lot of posts on here where men are complaining that their girlfriends cannot reach orgasm during penetrative sex. Apparently, this is extremely common for women. Most advice thats given is that you should just be able to accept that fact and make up for it in other ways.
In my case we have had a pretty good sex life regardless. However, since we are planning to be together for so much longer, we would like to see if this might be a problem that could be fixed.
Essentially, my girlfriend used to only masturbate by essentially grinding on hard objects. This was the only way she was able to do it. Once she got a vibrator, she was able to use that, and now it is the only way she can orgasm. I feel like her body is just very used to a lot of uniform pressure down there, and it has become something she is just very in the habit of doing. However, we would like to slowly build up to the point where she is getting the same stimulation through penetrative sex.
Has anyone else gone through this type of situation and used strategies that actually worked? What kinds of things should we attempt to do in order to get her body used to climaxing during sex?
8 comments
Congrats to your girlfriend for finding a way to orgasm that works for her!
Sincerely, if she is not one of the lucky few who can orgasm through penetrative sex, it’s chasing a white whale. I don’t believe it’s a thing you can “teach yourself” to do, or we all would have done it.
I would suggest exploring more/different toys, or having her try using her hand (I had to teach myself to do that– I was a grinder when I started masturbating, too, and, honestly, the orgasm is a million times better with that or a wand than it EVER is with my hand– it’s just not very practical or fun for a partner to watch.)
ETA- If she is a grinder, you can try the Coital Alignment Technique– it did nothing for me, but might for her.
What do you mean by grinding? I can orgasm from penetration but it is only is specific positions because i need my g spot stimulated to reach orgasm. For me the best position is on top and sort of moving my hips back and forth rather than up and down. If thats what you mean by grinding its very likely a g spot thing in which case there are other positions where you can hit the g spot. Or potentially grinding is stimulating her clit and that’s what allows her to reach orgasm. In which case you need to stimulate her clit in other positions.
us the vibrator during penetration
I can only O in one position or with oral. My husband doesn’t give me oral so I can only get off on the one position. Sometimes it’s just how we’re wired I think. I’m a one and done. I can’t O multiple times in multiple different ways.
Something like 80% of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. There is no way to get “the same stimulation” from PIV as a vibrator on her clit.
With that being said, it may be possible for her to grind while on top of you (while in cowgirl position) and mimic the way she used to cum before she got a vibrator. This works for some women. But it also depends on your anatomy and the amount of pressure she needs. If she has a smaller clit or can’t get enough pressure this way, it won’t work. But it’s worth trying.
It also just sounds like you guys should bring a vibrator into PIV. It’s the easiest way to have her orgasm during PIV but not necessarily from PIV.
It’s difficult, if not impossible, to get anywhere near the same stimulation during penetration. The clit and vagina are not interchangeable. And yes, about 80% of women can’t climax from penetration (many women fake, and many guys believe you have come when you haven’t, even without faking, so men will more often tell you their partner comes “ from sex”. Foreplay is sex, oral is sex, bjs are sex, not just the intercourse part of sex.
You might like a kind of vibrator that goes around the penis and has a taller vibrating area in front that your partner can push against for clitoral stimulation during intercourse.
I or my husband usually do a rub during intercourse if I want to come during, but most of the time I prefer to climax from oral first. Penetration feels 10x better after you orgasm, at least for me.
Whaa? The most reliable technique is to give her oral.
It’s notable that the post gives no indication of this woman’s own thoughts on the matter.
Approx. 5 out of 6 women cannot come by PIV. It’s just a fact of human female biology that the overwhelming majority cannot come by PIV, whatever the exact fraction is.
There are other women who report they can’t orgasm by masturbation, they need a vibrator. If the cause were purely physical, it would seem to be due to a low sexual sensitivity in the clitoris. Total failure to reach orgasm (anorgasmia) is pretty common in women, and the cause may not be the same in every case.
Difficulty to reach orgasm or total inability to are complicated ailments. After all these years of difficulty, she should consider seeing a sex therapist, not more DIY.
The most important thing is for her to take an extended break from using the vibrator and to just stop grinding on hard stuff.
Then you see how things go over the course of a month or two or three.
Even then, it’s unlikely to lead to her orgasming from penetration alone, your best case scenario is more likely to be her orgasming from a combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation.
There is also the possibility that she learns other ways to orgasm from different forms of clitoral stimulation but is one of those women who can’t orgasm while being penetrated at all, by anything.