My (28f) mom (50f) cheated on my dad (60f) of 28 years. She had an affair with a man for probably 6 months to a year. She won’t disclose exactly, she claims 2 weeks but I’ve had suspicions going back about 8 months. This happened at my dad’s place of business located in another state and at his other home in this state. He found out about the affair because the man called my mom’s phone and he got her to confess (partially).
Since then, my brother (24m), sister (25f) and I have felt disgusted. Even more so because she has been emotionally and often physically abusive our whole lives. She also treats my dad poorly, puts him down, yells at him, treats him like a servant.
We had my dads back after we all found out about the affair, but somehow my mom has convinced my dad she’s a victim and has been crying and playing victim, also pointing out everyone else’s flaws to somehow excuse her behavior.
Now my father is telling all of us to “go easy on her” because “she’s a basket case, she’s having a hard time”. We haven’t even talked to my mother, I sent her a text message saying how I feel, and I got no response. I also had a bizarre conversation where my dad was trying to convince me that “the grief a spouse experiences when they cheat on their spouse in a marriage is more significant than the grief someone experiences when they cheat on their boyfriend/girlfriend not in a marriage”.
I cannot get my point across as to why her lack of accountability is the biggest issue myself or my siblings have with the situation. We’re also all disgusted at how successful her immature attempts to manipulate my father have been. Now my father is upset at all of us for “making her feel bad”. I feel like I’m being pranked because this is insane. He is making endless excuses for her and defending her to where I don’t even want to talk to him anymore. My brother sat down with both of our parents and every time he mentioned a valid point my mom would either start crying or stand up to leave the table until my dad stepped in to defend her.
I was so sad to hear my dad wanted to work it out with her. She treats him horribly and he is too nice to stand up for himself. Should I cut off both of my parents? Or should I only cut off my mom?
TLDR; my mom cheated on my dad and now they both claim she’s a victim so we need to be nice to her and move on.
3 comments
You are hurt, angry, disgusted and upset. You want your dad to punish your mom and you’re pissed that he isn’t.
Relationships are fucking hard and weird. You’d probably already know that. I hope I don’t have to tell you that maybe you don’t have ALL the information that you’re dad has about this situation, so maybe stop pressuring the guy to act like you want.
Ask your dad to help you understand. If he doesn’t want to do that, it’s his fucking relationship, respect that.
Lash out at your mom if it makes you feel better but know you’ll be hurting your dad and going against the old man’s wishes.
Cut them both off. If your dad allowed you to be abused by her, he is 100% as guilty is she is
Your dad is a codependent enabler. You could cut just your mom off, but if she has a problem with that you’ll most likely have to deal with your dad being her flying monkey. I’m sorry. Its tough trying to help someone that has zero desire to save themselves.